Published July 8, 2009
Chapter One
[spoiler]Why do teachers have to make tests so intense? Kathy wondered; watching her teacher with a nervous look on her face. It was only the first day; but she had to get on the wrong foot with her new teacher; Mr. Lankoff. Rumors said not to make him angry; or else he would set his lank off. Kathy shuddered. So scary. She didn't know what a lank was; or if any such word even exhisted, but the setence had an evil little ring to it.
Sixth graders who had Mr. Lankoff the year before had warned her; Watch out for English class! He's the worst: Mr. Lankoff!
Kathy waited and watched the solemn look on Mr. Lankoff's face. Kathy knew what was happening. She knew that Mr. Lankoff was waiting for her to break out in tears and shout that she knew what she did was wrong; and that she would do anything for him. Then; with a sad look on his face; Mr. Lankoff would give her detention ("It's the least I could do"). Well; Mr. Lankenster; that's not happening to me! Kathy thought angrilly. She only had English class with Mr. Lankoff for about an hour, so then she really didn't care if she tortured her in class. Only for an hour; she thought, though she knew an hour was a long; dreadful time if you were getting picked on by a mean teacher.
"So." His voice was dry; like rough sandpaper scratching against a nice; new car. "You decided to cheat on your test."
Is that a statement or a question? Kathy wondered; thinking whether to answer or just nod and give in. "Yes; sir," she finally said after a while. Mr. Lankoff's eyes narrowed sharply.
[/spoiler]
NOT DONE
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well I honestly don't quite know how to react here. That title there sounds rather powerful and seems to have some sort of connection with a far sadder tone but the way this starts is rather hilarious. It seems intentionally sort of written in that more children's book friendly style with a slightly goofy over the top villain and someone being terrified at the prospect of facing up to that.
Hmm well this one is going a bit further than I would expect something on the level of a more goofily designed kids situation to be going so perhaps this is meant to be a little more serious after all especially since we seem to dipping into slightly more powerful territory though. In this case I would suggest either trying to make this feel a little more serious than with this sort of over the top gimmick style or perhaps toning down the actual effects of this meanness here.
Now that line works a lot better I think in terms of keeping things on that serious more powerful note. Its definitely a pretty good start there to show that intimidation and just how this teacher her goes about doing these things. This does confirm that its a more serious view so I'll say again that making this not sound goofy is an improvement that needs to be made.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry