Moments, memories, utter bliss,
From the first to final kiss.
Treasures from an unknown land,
Are cherished whilst walking hand in hand,
Staring into eachothers eyes,
Both victims of love's surprise,
We learn we have to say goodbye,
When lovers era's will have to die.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Short and lovely.
Word usage is beautiful.
Rhythm falters in the fourth line. One syllable too much.
Anyway, overall, really pretty. Punctuation has to be fixed though and there's a minor typo. eachother's should have a space between the words.
Keep writing.
--Knightly
Hey guys!
! xxx
I took your comments into consideration and ammended my poem! I would like to thank you both for taking the time to review it. It's comments like these that give me the inspiration to continue with my writing! Thanks again
Hi there, dear. This is a beautiful poem, and I think it's really good. The flow, the meaning...all really good.
^_^ Good job, darling.
Here is one grammar thingy --
Since the surprise belongs to the love, that means that the loves needs to be love's.
One line that is annoying me --
This line just keeps on annoying me. Try putting will inbetween era's and have.
Other than those two things, I loved this poem. It was short and sweet, yet with a bitter ending that I wasn't expecting. And it was good, too. You feel that all is happy and lovey-dovey, and then at the end, we are shocked and saddened by what has happened.
It was really good, and the right length I think. Good job, darling!
*Lin
Pretty.
Honestly, very Pretty.
Very few pieces are pretty, a kind of awkward sweetness that pulls at something, emotions, anything, but none the less this was a nice peice.
I liked the almost dark turn at the very end, a kind of abrupt wall to shut down the slightly upbeat feel from the beginning.
I'm dissapointed this wasnt longer but when you think about it, the way you composed this made it perfect in length.
A few of the lines seemed tossed in, like you jumbled a few phrases for the fitting rather than the appeal, I'd work on that.
Very pretty, definately a star.
Exe's and Oh's, Eraqio.