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Ten People, Ten shades

by Ayeesha

Most people call it fate, while others...a mere coincidence. But on a night that seemed to be  just as normal as every other night before it...in some hospital...in some part of the world...wails could be heard. Two women on the thin line between life and death... fighting to bring to the world...lives more precious than theirs.

 After fighting death with everything they had... cries... beautiful and innocent cries clouded the air. Those cries were the most lovely sounds that had ever graced the ears of these mothers. 

 Each with her own gem of five, conquered what was the most difficult battle of their lives. But...as fate or chance would have it, those gems were swapped and given lives which should never have been theirs to have. 

 With their distinctive gifts and curses, they fight to get what they lack in their lives. Their legitimate birthrights, they earnestly sought...without a clue. Despite being the same, they were so different. Each of these ten gems, had their own shade. Colors that made them different, yet, unique....each having their own battle to fight.

 On the day the truth of his reality dawned onto him, Johnny couldn't believe it. He had all he ever wanted. "My identity was all I needed to get what I desired all my life" he said to himself, filled with bountiful joy. But... suddenly, the fear of losing what he always had for what he never had, left him in derail. 

 "Will this truth be my salvation or that of the others?" he muttered.

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130 Reviews

Points: 1428
Reviews: 130

Sat Oct 28, 2023 5:47 pm
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...

Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!

General Impression:

This was an interesting read! It seemed more like an elevator pitch or a novel synopsis, but I can see where this might be taken if it were to be expanded into a full story

What I Liked:

The opening scene was powerful and it immediately gives readers an idea of what the story will be like. I like the way you portray emotions and slowly introduce the setting

Areas of Improvement:

Some areas of the story were not very well explained. For example, the 10 gems. I can sort of guess what they are, but I don’t think I know for sure. Also, the character Johnny who is suddenly introduced. it is hard to tell who he is and what he is so happy about

I hope my review could be helpful. I wish you a good day/night!

Razor says...

Hey Gengar! Found some wallpapers you might like to use for you profile style!

(I hate the color white. It is.....bland *shudder*)



User avatar
84 Reviews

Points: 224
Reviews: 84

Sat Oct 28, 2023 3:09 pm
ariah347 wrote a review...

Hey there, Ayeesha! I love your name! This is short, and I want more!!! It aligns well with the genre of mystery and suspense. I am left with questions: why are these women in the hospital? What is the deal with the colors and gems? Is this a metaphor or literal? What does Johnny have to do with these women? I hope you continue this! Also, I noticed that you are new to YSW: welcome! The use of ellipses (...) feels a bit excessive here. I counted a total of 12 times. I believe their use intends to match the genre of "suspense," but after a while, they can feel redundant, and readers do not pause as usual when they repeatedly occur, which contradicts their purpose and intent if you ask me. This feels like the back cover of a story where you are standing in an aisle in the bookstore, contemplating if you want to buy it. I feel like you have the potential to build a world and story that is genuinely unique! If you continue this, I would appreciate the tag, as I would love to review it. Thank you for sharing this! Wishing you a happy haunting season. With love, ✮⋆ a ⋆✮

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain