Here’s a question for you. Have you been tricked? If so, do you wish that it never happened? Well, I don’t regret being tricked, and you’re going to learn as to why right now. To start this story, let's go back to when I was on the silk road. Since my parents abandoned me, and I had to grow up on my own. When I was around 20 years old, I bought a horse to start my journey along the Silk Road. The first trader I came across wore a robe as blue as the sky. He was selling rugs adorned with patterns that looked as beautiful as a butterfly's wings. I decided to buy some, but I only had the ragged cloths on my back, my horse, and a cart filled with my drinking water. Then I got an idea, and that idea was to steal one of the rugs. So then I put my plan into action.
“Hey”, I said,“Would you like to trade?”
“Well, what do you have to trade with?” he said notably.
“I have some drinking water.”
“Ok, which one would you like to buy?”
Then I exclaimed, “Look out! There are bandits behind you!”
“Really!?” he said as he turned around.
I then grabbed a random carpet and ran away. After an hour or two, I had found my next “customer”. He looked like someone from Rome since he was carrying some crystal-clear glassware. So I decided to trade with him.
“Hello, would you like to do some trading?” I said with a cheerful attitude.
“Well, what’s for sale?” he said with an eyebrow raised.
“I got this carpet.”
“Eh, don’t need it.”
Then, with an angry face, I punched and knocked him out.
So basically, I scammed every trader I met until I met this man with orange robes. Naturally, I asked him, ”Would you like to trade?”
The guy answered, “No thank you, because I have the greatest treasure of all.”
Curious, I asked, ”Well, what is it?”
”I will not tell you unless you will join me on this quest,” he said with a respectful voice.
“What kind of quest?” I questioned.
“You will see,” he answered, smiling.
While we were walking we had passed a village where on one side there was a ocean with the reflection of the boats floating on it and on the other side a wall. In front of that wall was a plain with bright green grass, trees that were as beautiful as a Sacred Lotus Flower. We were walking through the village and found a family seemed sad. I asked them why they were crying. The son responded, “Because my father just died recently.”
Then I said, “Oh, well I’m sorry for your loss...here,” while I gave them some of the stuff I stole.
“Thanks,” said the son.
Then, I saw someone steal some glassware from the same roman guy I “traded” with. I decided to follow the guy who stole the roman guy’s glassware and I did. I then gave it back to the roman guy because I decided I didn’t need anymore.
We then continued on until we came to a mountain. I asked, “We have to go up there?”
“Yes, we do. Our destination is up there,” he said while pointing to the top of the mountain.
“But why?” I whined.
“You want the treasure don’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, but..”
“Ok then, let’s go.”
“Fine,” I moaned.
After the journey to the top, in front of us was a building as white as snow, covered with red stripes and hints of gold. I asked with amazement, “Is this our destination?”
He responded, “Yes, yes it is.”
Upon entering, we saw a giant shrine. This shrine housed a gold statue, flowers, and what looked like a sunset behind a hill.
“So, we made it. Now what?” I asked.
“To get the treasure I’ve been talking about you must do this...” he said while sitting down.
“Do what?”
“You must meditate with me.”
“Ok,” I said while sitting down.
We meditated for a while and then he asked me if I was greedy or angry at all.
“No, I’ve never been greedy or angry at all,” I lied.
“I can tell you’re lying,” he said solemnly.
“How do you know?” I said surprised.
“It’s in your voice,” he answered.
“Ok, you got me. I only agreed because you said that you had the greatest treasure of them all. But on this journey I have truly changed, so don’t think less of me please.”
“It’s ok. Now to get the greatest gift in the world, you must take these vows. Here are the vows you must take,” he said while handing me a piece of paper.
I read the vows out loud.
“Beginnings are numberless; I vow to save them.
Delusions are never-ending; I vow to end them.
Dharma gates are boundless; I vow to enter them.
Buddha’s Way is significant; I vow to become it.”
He then said with a happy attitude, “Congratulations, as long as you follow these vows, you will have the greatest treasure of them all.”
“Awesome!” I exclaimed, “So, what is it?”
“Why, it’s been in you all along. The treasure is helping others.”
I was speechless, but then I realized he was right. After understanding this concept and accepting its meaning, I decided I wanted others to acquire this wonderful treasure. Now I spend my days traveling the world and teaching Buddhism to whomever I meet.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I really like your story it was very good and flowed nicely. The middle of the story was good because I feel like the main character god tricked into going. Its almost like somebody conned the conman. I also liked how you indented every time there is new dialog.
Hey, Ayden
Likes:
This story was really good!
I liked the ending and how the treasure is helping others.
I liked how he was tricked and he learned something in the end.
Wonders:
I do not think it is believable to knock someone out and have nobody see. Was anyone around? Something that made it believable. Did he fall and took he stuff? Something like that.
I also don't know what your charterers names was.
Hoped this helped!
From your boy,
Cameron DeMasi
Whats up Ayden,
I enjoyed your story. I thought it had some good historical content about Buddhism. I like that you incorporated Historical content into the story well (for example the vows). Another thing I thought was well done was that you had NO errors for quotes,punctuation,capitolization, etc. I also have a couple suggestions. I don't know what your character's name is. It says I but it never states his name throughout the story. I wonder if you can put that in there. I was also wondering how long he and the monk traveled for because it seemed that your character changed very quickly. Overall Great story,Great plot, Well done!
Jackson
I like how your story explains how a very greedy man can turn into a very kind man with the help of others.
I also like how included many things from chinese dynasties
good story. I bet Papyrus approves
I liked that you gave a good story line and that that it was interesting. I also liked that your story might have tied in to Jacob's story because they were similar. If you cant tell I loved your story.-Jack
Great story!
I like that you indented every time someone talked but not at a paragraph. I wonder if could have been a longer story so it is not rushed. I liked that you put good information about Buddhism. I really liked the first paragraph of the story because it really sets up the story. I really liked your story!
-Somommy
Hey Ayden!
I really liked your story first of all. All of your vocabulary was correct, and you started a new paragraph every time there was dialogue. I wonder if you could have streched out the ending to your story though; it seemed kind of rushed, but over all, good story!
This is a well written story!
I liked the amount of description and how the story flowed. Liked some of the description but thought you could have described a bit more about what some of the men looked like, or the amount of description be a bit more in depth