Photography, I have always been interested in it. I have no idea why though, from young, I always had a camera in my hands. I love taking photo’s I guess; it’s one of my hobbies. I would love to share this hobby with someone, anyone. The problem is, no one wants to know me. I wonder why though, I’m not scary. People say that this obsession with cameras is going over my head, but I love photos. The only thing I can ever think about is photo taking or art; at least the art teacher understands who I am. I wish someone else can be with me to share this. One day, however, some guy came into my life, things suddenly changed.
I was in my art class when it happened. I was drawing a face, and I was trying to get the facial features right. The person who I was drawing looked like he never had been love before, to be honest; I have never been in love before. I’ve always wondered what it’ll be like, being mushy all over a guy you really desire. That feeling of being under that chance of love each time you see him, making your cheeks blush, that’s something I have long desired. However, unfortunately for me, I can’t, people hate me. So this is why I stick with art and photography, I love it.
As I was about to water paint it, I realised that I didn’t have a red water colour pencil. The colour red is my favourite colour, and I need to paint the balloon in the corner of my page red. It’s small, with the sketch in my view, it’s right in the right corner of my page, and it needs the colour red.
I reached out my hand, when suddenly, another hand went onto mine. I was startled, glancing up at the person. He had black hair that had a fringe going to the left side of his face. His eyes were deep in colour, dark green. He had this smile on his face, a smile that said ‘I know something and you don’t’. He was something that I had never seen before, it was all too weird.
He smiled, “You using this….What’s ya name? I never got it?”
I blushed, “Ummm…I..I don’t know your name so…”
He laughed, “I’m Andy, you?”
“Opal…” I couldn’t stop blushing, “Are you using the colour?”
He stood, chuckling, “Nah, I’m not. I’ll be seein’ ya then, Opal!”
The red balloon was coloured in, and I wasn’t expecting any of the things that happened to me throughout this whole ordeal.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Red Balloons Chapter OnePoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,115 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
Hmmmm . . . I'm interested to read more. This story seems totally interesting. I look forward to reading more. Although there were a few typing errors, so I would just read over your work next time before posting. I've done that a million times. So I look forward to reading more. Good luck and please keep writing!
Thank you!
Alright great, I beat guineapiggirl here >:)
This was pretty good, but there were a few places that confused me a bit. The first paragraph, if the story is based on Andy (I'm not sure because this is just the prologue lol) doesn't really serve a purpose. I don't see a connection between the two, unless it is later on in the piece, as this is just the prologue, as I said.
"I was in my art class when it happened."
I would try to introduce this a little better than just that. I thought this was a little bland, and I thought you should try to spice it up a little bit. Also, when she meets Andy, that seems to be pretty important, I'd try to fit that into the first chapter. Better yet, I think this should just become the first chapter instead of the prologue. Like Stella said, there were quite a few grammatical errors I'd get fixed if I were you. Overall, pretty good, just a few errors I'd get fixed if I were you.
Hope the review helped. Keep writing,
Fruit
Thanks!
You did not beat me! YOU DID NOT! I wrote a review and then YWS went down when I clicked submit and so it got deleted! THAT STILL COUNTS AS BEATING YOu!
No not really
No not really
Hey there Sauce, Stella here!
Okay as a rule I'm not a big fan of prologues, unless they serve a purpose. Usually the point of a prologue is to tell your readers something that they wouldn't know about the story otherwise. The problem that a lot of writers have on YWS and in published works is knowing the difference between a prologue and a first chapter. Usually, I think, a prologue works as a short piece to give the flavour of the story, or something in a different time period or from a different perspectve. What you have here, I don't see how it's a prologue, apart from maybe the first paragraph. The rest is just storytelling, and I would assume that in your first chapter you're going to pick up from where this scene left off.
So firstly I think you should consider the nature of prologues, what purpose you want this to serve and how it's going to do so.
This is a really funny structure for a sentence, and if any sentence matters, it's the first one, as that's the one that's going to give us our first impression of the entire story.
photos.
Also, this is a really helpful article written by Demeter about how to punctuate dialogue. Yes, punctuation is boring, but it is also critically important if you want to be taken seriously as a writer. So I suggest you have a read of it and see what changes you need to make to your punctuation here
I also wasn't that interested in what was going on. I think you need a little more description of the meeting, less introspection and more focus on events that will end up being important. Build up an atmosphere and show us the emotions tied to the events themselves, rather than just Opal grumbling about her life. She has a whole story to grumble! But she only has this moment to think about this moment. You see what I mean? Focus on the storytelling. Show us Opal's fears and worries and insecurities as we go on, but for now, think about the story and how it's going to change her.
Overall you had some really good stuff here and I'm intrigued to see what part the red balloon is going to play in the overall story, but it needs a little work first
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
It did! Thank you!
Stella's covered it all, so I really don't have anything to add. If you want me to review some more of your work though, just ask
Actually, if you don't mind, could you cheak out The Journey To Nevercross please?
I like this. I hope to find more of the story!
Thanks!