z

Young Writers Society



A Girl Called Beast

by Awakening


The skull of any animal
Would be her chosen face
Hailed as thrice as beautiful
As hers, now in place.
Teeth like rotting floorboards
And eyes as sunken ditches
MAss hanging out the dress
Bursting at the stitches

Her head hung in hopelessness
And no, it never rises
Because she knows what everyone
Who looks at her surmises
Shame on us! the arbitors
Of this poor woman's shame
For we lie and tell ourselves
She never had a name

Her vessel may be putrid
The body of a beast
But she is loving in the most
And judging in the least
Better than society
And though fate dealt her hard
This little teenage monster
Hold the winning card

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37 Reviews

Points: 915
Reviews: 37

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Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:55 am
LukanRinta says...



This was very good. The first line was very unexpected, but that drew me to read the next line and so on. Great job! Keep writing!

~Lukan




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21 Reviews

Points: 2375
Reviews: 21

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Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:41 pm
Kikaharu wrote a review...



The poem is ok but I don't really like it that much. It flows some and I get the message of the poem. It is a poem on a good topic. the title got my attention but the poem not so much. other people may like the poem but I don't but that's my opinion.




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Points: 790
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Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:18 pm
ureka wrote a review...



Awakening wrote:Her vessel may be putrid
The body of a beast
But she is loving in the most
And judging in the least
Better than society
And though fate dealt her hard
This little teenage monster
Hold the winning card

I really liked your poem and I could really imagine this girl. Your thought of the girl's frightening appearence yet loving soul is very interesting. I also agree that you didnt use much of punctuation. The idea was very different and new to me which I very much enjoyed. Without any punctuation, reading the poem wouldn't quite be the same. Overall I feel your poem was enjoyable and had good creativity.




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Points: 1610
Reviews: 47

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Wed Nov 11, 2009 5:12 am
quietloud798 wrote a review...



Hello Awakening!
So this is a very interesting, don't get me wrong, but there are a few parts that are a bit bumpy.

The skull of any animal
Would be her chosen face
Hailed as thrice as beautiful
As hers, now in place.
Teeth like rotting floorboards
And eyes as sunken ditches
MAss hanging out the dress
Bursting at the stitches


You use punctuation in the first section/stanza, yet throughout the rest of this there is none.
Now, punctuation is almost always key in separating different ideas in poetry, so I definitly recommend it in the rest of this.

Her head hung in hopelessness
And no, it never rises
Because she knows what everyone
Who looks at her surmises
Shame on us! the arbitors
Of this poor woman's shame
For we lie and tell ourselves
She never had a name


In the middle, "Because she knows everyone who looks at her surmises Shame on us! the aribtors..." and so on is just a tad bumpy, and I would look at separating it differently.

Her vessel may be putrid
The body of a beast
But she is loving in the most
And judging in the least
Better than society
And though fate dealt her hard
This little teenage monster
Hold the winning card


I like this except for the last two lines, with the typos "hold" to "holds" but other than that, nicely done.

Very good, but with a bit improvement could be excellent!
Keep on it!

:Rachel





"The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein