Published November 11, 2009
The skull of any animal
Would be her chosen face
Hailed as thrice as beautiful
As hers, now in place.
Teeth like rotting floorboards
And eyes as sunken ditches
MAss hanging out the dress
Bursting at the stitches
Her head hung in hopelessness
And no, it never rises
Because she knows what everyone
Who looks at her surmises
Shame on us! the arbitors
Of this poor woman's shame
For we lie and tell ourselves
She never had a name
Her vessel may be putrid
The body of a beast
But she is loving in the most
And judging in the least
Better than society
And though fate dealt her hard
This little teenage monster
Hold the winning card
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
This was very good. The first line was very unexpected, but that drew me to read the next line and so on. Great job! Keep writing!
~Lukan
The poem is ok but I don't really like it that much. It flows some and I get the message of the poem. It is a poem on a good topic. the title got my attention but the poem not so much. other people may like the poem but I don't but that's my opinion.
I really liked your poem and I could really imagine this girl. Your thought of the girl's frightening appearence yet loving soul is very interesting. I also agree that you didnt use much of punctuation. The idea was very different and new to me which I very much enjoyed. Without any punctuation, reading the poem wouldn't quite be the same. Overall I feel your poem was enjoyable and had good creativity.
Hello Awakening!
So this is a very interesting, don't get me wrong, but there are a few parts that are a bit bumpy.
You use punctuation in the first section/stanza, yet throughout the rest of this there is none.
Now, punctuation is almost always key in separating different ideas in poetry, so I definitly recommend it in the rest of this.
In the middle, "Because she knows everyone who looks at her surmises Shame on us! the aribtors..." and so on is just a tad bumpy, and I would look at separating it differently.
I like this except for the last two lines, with the typos "hold" to "holds" but other than that, nicely done.
Very good, but with a bit improvement could be excellent!
Keep on it!
:Rachel