I do not have a name

Before I set you out on my most exciting story yet I should tell you a couple things first. For one, I am not crazy. During my story you may think I am, but I assure you, I most certainly am not. For two, I am not taking drugs… well, maybe in some parts but for the most part, this really did happen. And third, I did not cause any of this. This document on my hair-raising journey through the awful pressures of teenage life may scare you. It may not. Depends what kind of person you are.

I wasn’t like this at first. I was a perfect honor-role student. The girl everybody liked but not enough to ask to hang out during the weekends or go to party’s with. If you ask me I think they were just using me for my smartness. I mean, I’m not trying to be full of myself here but, I am pretty damn smart. But, then I met the wrong people in the wrong scene. I guess you can say faith led me there. You’ll just have to read…

* * *

It was a normal morning in the house of the Reyes house. No one was up but me. All to doped up on who knows what. I grown not to care. A mom who would rather smoke it up then spend money on simple house hold items didn’t deserve my concern. I can remember when I was six, it was a couple days before my seventh birthday and I made the mistake of reminding them. They just bought a quarter and I knew right after I asked them if I could have a cake I should have kept my mouth shut. She glared at me, clearly wanting to go lock herself in her room and get high. He face turned red and she looked so livid I nearly pissed my pants. “ What the hell do you think, Abby?” she was being sarcastic. Every seven year old wanted a cake for her birthday right?

Right?

I just stared. “I- I’m sorry mommy. never mind…” I turned on my heels and left the living room to go do the dishes. I could hardly even reach it so I had to pull a chair up…

You know its sad when I remember that day more than my birthday.

Well… on with it now. It was the first day of eleventh grade. And my sixteenth birthday is only three days away. August thirteenth. I didn’t expect anything. Although I did have my little day dreams about a big sweet sixteen party and the whole class showing up. That would never happen. Not as long as I live in Folkston, Georgia. Not as long as I attend that horrible place they call Charlton county high school.

Folkston is your regular hick town. Not much to see and not much to do. They have one big grocery store and it has roaches all in it. It has to be the best place you can work in this town huh? Besides the school right? Movie gallery that is going out of business (no surprise there) a lot of flash foods… they all suck. And fast food like McDonalds and Burger King. Who likes those places anyway? And one long road leads to all of them.

It’s a small county. And not all the people are “country bumpkins” as my mom calls it. They live in nice houses on the edge of Folkston. They have a lot of provinces you can call them. Like, “oh, they live in spring lake so they are middle class. Trailers out there are nice.” or “she lives in homeland. Bet she’d give it up for some dope.” its like where you live classifies you. I live in homeland and its got to be the most horrible looking trailer around and I would even give it up if I even truly thought I loved the boy. And defiantly not for weed. Nope, its just not me. May be all these other sluts around here but not me. Homeland has its own city hall, its own park much more civilized than any other place I know with a bunch of trailers so I don’t know why they stereo-type people who lives here. Its sorta unfair if you really think about it.

I was waiting for the bus in front of my trailer/prison when the bus pulled to a screeching stop in front of me. I reluctlently lifted up my feet one by one, coming in and out of view and stepped on the bus. The bus was full. I remember thinking to myself that I really needed to get my license… with what money?

Yeah right.

I look for the nicest person and ask to sit by them. It ends up being some seventh grader. Oh well, at least I know he wouldn’t be a jerk to one of the only juniors on the bus. Only a few more stops and we were heading to the high school. It was weird here. They had elementary, middle and high just like regualr county’s but the elementary school was occupied by k-2, the middle 3-6 and the high 7-12. Weird.

I can hear the boys music as clear as I can hear a train in the middle of the night.

“fuck yeah bruh that pussy was bomb. Hoppin, jumpin, sippin, and skippin. Its nights like these that we all love livin. So throw up your hands and let the H.U up. Now wave ‘em ‘round like you don’t give a fuck!”

Hollywood undead. I was a major fan. I found myself silently mouthing the rest of the words. He looked at me like I was crazy then smiled. It was weird I felt kind of obligated to smile back for the sake of not being rude. His teeth were really white. Like they’ve been bleached. His hair a total contrast. Dyed black and he had a lip ring… gay? No. I don’t think so. Oh well. I pushed him from my mind and got off the buss at the high school.

The school needed a new paint job of red, white and black. A “welcome back fellow Indians” banner pinned up at the only entrance to the school so everybody can see Carries uncanny artistic ability. It was annoying. How she just flaunted that she had the most money and she had the best cloths. She stepped on every ones back to get what she wanted and didn’t care who she hurt.

I walk in the double doors. It smells like sweet morning air. The school has half a roof. Like… it has a roof but its only to block out the rain and the sun and all that. The only place not covered is the commons area. Trees and bunches and little benches. This is one of the things I like about this school. You can sit there and breath the fresh air all morning until the bell rings. You can sit out there for lunch and you can hang out after school. I look right and see the commons area and out of the corner of my eye I see the auditorium being set up for the morning meeting of oasis. I look to the left and see a long narrow hall with black and red lockers and people clustered around whoever so happens to entertain them that day. Kids are sitting on the built in benches talking. Mostly the scared shitless freshman. I wonder if they know that they are wet… not my problem. I walk all the way down to the end of the hall and take a right to the shop/auto class. Its more like a garage but I love the smell of gas and woodchips. I set my stuff down outside the door and peer in to see if Mr. Johnson is present. I hear shuffling in his office and I walk to it. Only its not him when I walk in.

Its this guy… this guy Abby has never seen before. All she could see was his back but she knew he looked good in the front too. She caught herself looking at his back mussels and realizing he was wearing a really tight shirt. (score one). She fallowed her gaze down his spine and to his butt… he has a nice butt. And a built but to. Skinny jeans. (score two). She was nearly drooling. He turned slowly as if he was expecting to be shot. He looks at me and my breath caught. He was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. (score score score). His face was very angelic, sculpted if I didn’t know any better. He had light green eyes I could already picture getting lost into and sort of long dark brown hair. He realized I wasn’t going to talk to he did. “um… hey? Mr. Johnson went out to his car for a moment. Can I… help you?” he looked way to good. She couldn’t speak.

She stammerd. “I- uh- I needed- um, never mind,” she pointed her thumb behind her and said “I’ll come back later.” she rotated on her heel. Her face getting hot.

“Wait! You can wait here for a moment. I’m Jason, Charlies- uh, Mr. johnsons nephew. Im sure he wont mind if you wait here for him.” he sounded kind of hopefull. I couldn’t pass it up.

I turned around and smiled an awkward oh-shit-not-now smile and walked to lean against the wall, back facing him. What could I say “hey my name is Abby and im some freak who has no friends and instently started fantasizing about you.”? no I would look even more like an idiot. “I’m new.” he says. “can you show me around sometime?”

No freaking way.

No I cant.

Or can I?

I so can!

I turned and looked at his beauty once more. He had a look on his face I couldn’t really place. Sorta like a doubtful and happy look? Oh, I don’t know. “um, yeah sure I don’t see why not. My name is Abby. Im a junior.”

He exhaled. “oh me too” HIM TOO! “And yeah, my uncle talks about you all the time. He says you’re his best student.” I was puzzled. I was most certainly not his best student…

Was I?

He laughs. “ Don’t take that the wrong way Abby. Im just saying I kind of already know you. He said he was going to introduce us sooner or later anyway. Now he wont have to bother.” he smiled. He smiled an amazing smile. His teeth weren’t as white as the seventh graders but he had a really good smile.

“Yeah… I guess so.” I smiled back. Just then we herd the rushed footsteps and angry puffing of an old man.

Mr. Johnson.

He stepped up and observed the scene in front of him. Taking on a look as he finaly saw that we were smiling at each other he said “I can come back…?” his face was twisted with what looked like confusion and rage. Just imagin it… an old wrinkly guy standing there, face beat red and huffing like he’s been a chain smoker for years then having that look on his face. I bit my lip to make sure I wouldn’t laugh out loud.

“ Oh, no stay. We were just introducing ourselves.” he said it was such ease. I couldn’t say anything. If I was on the outside looking in a bet I looked like I just got caught having sex on his desk. Ha ha. What a thought.

“O.K. some kids flattened my tires. I had to pump more air back into them. I cant believe- ahh!” he almost screamed. He was hunched over one hand on his knee and the other on his back. “I’m getting to old for this. Stupid kids.” Then he looks up at me and Jason and says very firmly “Of I ever hear of you two doing something like that I will have both of your asses. Got it?” we just both nodded a yes and I felt like I should be standing at attention with a thousand-yard stare going on. He was wearing a flannel shirt and to long jeans. So typical. He said he hated big jeans but he wore them everyday for the past three years she has known the man. His hair has more grey in it then it did last year. And he has gained some weight. He had diabetes so she had to say something to him later. He might not have been her parent but he felt like it. And she loved him just like he was her own father. He might now know it but he meant something to her. Like the father she never had.

“Well, I better get going.” I said just as the bell rang. “I’ll see you in fourth block Mr. Johnson. Nice meeting you Jason.” really nice meeting you Jason. He looked confused so I said one simple word. “Class.” and I pointed towards the door. “ You know… rooms where the teachers drone on and on about pointless stuff?” Wow, was she really explaining this?

“ Oh, yeah. See you later uncle.” I walk ahead of him and he catches up with my step. “ Whats your first class?” he asks. “I’ll walk you to it.”

I stop and look in my bag and say “ No offence Jason but if your new I think I would just be walking my self to class and you’d be following me. And that’s not freaky at all.” I roll my eyes to act like I totally didn’t care he just offered to walk me there. “ Um, Mrs. Browning. Accelerated math.”

He studied his and then he says. “ Oh! Me too. How cool.” he starts walking again.

“ You got to be kidding me.” I say. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Luckily he didn’t hear me. He turned around and gave me a questioning look and I followed him. He found the class easy. Way easier than I expected. We walk in the class and there are a couple seats left. One in the very front but next to Aly Spring. And she always has a knack for catching every little virus goes around. No thanks. The other ones are in the back. I hate sitting in the back but I trudge down the isle every one staring at the new kid. I felt like saying “hey back off bitches” but he wasn’t mine so I couldn’t. I but my tongue. Hard.

I was in this class last year and it had the sane decorations as the previous year too. Guess the new teacher was to lazy to get up and put some new ones up. Mrs. Browning looked tired. And hungry. She was a big women and she wobbled when she walked and she has this strange look in her eyes that tell us she would literally eat us if she got to hungry. I was only aware of one thing about this teacher. She liked the color brown apparently. She had brown everything. Brown cloths, brown pens, (what?) brown hari, brown eyes, (well you couldn’t really change those two things) brown shoes (ew) brown sicks (okay that’s freaky. I bet she would paint the room brown if she could. She even have brown notebooks and binders. AND I brown name tag.

* * *

Now at this point I had no idea this teacher would become one of my best friends. And I alos didn’t know that Jason was too, going to be one of my best friends. Infact, when I think about it… I kind of new all along that me and Jason were going to be friends. Close ones. And I always knew, deep down, that I would end up falling in love with Jason. I think he knew it too. Looking back I realize what a good friend he was to me. I really was a good student. Good grades. All the teachers liked me.

And now im going to tell you how all that changed. im going to go to the end of the first semester. The end of the best semester I had ever had in my life. And im going to tell you what happened. Im going to tell you how I met the most horrible monster on the planet. Im going to tell you how my life turned to shit.

* * *

“ Oh come on Abbs! It will be fun. You know… living. I swear. I wont leave you behind. I’ll be with you the whole time.” he smiled and handed his outstretched pinkey towards me. Pinkey swear. I smiled. I always told him if he broke a pinkey swear he had to brake is pinkey. He laughed but he knew I was serious.

“O.K. fine. Jerk!” I laughed. We pinkey sweared and he let me out of his car. We became really good friends but we hadn’t taken the realtioship to the “next level.” it was kind of nice having just a friend. He got in good with the popular crowd and got invited to all these parties. He always invited me. I didn’t know why but this time I actually gave in. I guess I needed to get away from the smell of weed and scotch. “Pick me up around seven okay? I need to clean myself up.”

“of course. See you then.” he smiled that still amazing smile and backed out of my driveway. I stand there wondering what the hell was going through me.

why the hell am I going?

Because of Jason. I inwardly slapped myself in the face then laughed at the thought of actually doing it. People would look at me like im crazy. I needed a good slap though. Jason was dragging me to this lame party. But I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to did I? no, I didn’t so the only answer to my own question was still just simple. To spend more time with Jason. I liked that idea.

I walked to the door and put my ear up to it. Mom wasn’t awake. Good. I can hurry and get ready then just tell Jason to pick me up at the park down the street. I opened to the door very slowly and the smell of alcohol sprang forward like it actually wanted to get away form its own smell. I almost gagged it smelled so bad. I would defiantly have to do some cleaning tonight after the party. I went straight to my room picking up trash and cloths as I went. When I get to my brothers door I hear voices. Moans maybe. He probably got some slut to fuck him again. I rolled my eyes. My brother was a looser. A six feet, stoner, greasy haired looser. I didn’t know why girls liked him. I got to my room and found some clean pachey shorts and an orange tank-top and slipped them on. It would be hot out there. Or in there, or whatever.

I went into out small little kitchen, navigated my self around the mess and they way to big island, grabbed my bottle water and headed out. Left a note on the door for Jason and started walking. It wasn’t that long of a walk. But my converse had holes in their soles and the ground was wicked hot so it burned my feet. I finaly decided to walk on the grass which was a smart idea. As I passed the city hall I wondered what it looked like in there. All these years ive lived here and never once have I set foot in that place. It had a handicap walk and stairs and I big sign that said “HomeLand City Hall” and right next to it ewas the police department. I cute through the little alley-like walk way between those two places and I was at the park.

I sat down on the swings and replayed music in my head. Just to pass the time. I saw a couple of kids ride nby on their bikes all sweaty and what not just looking for something to do. I saw two teenage girls walking down the road, wach with a cigarette in their hands. They looked to young to be smoking. One girl was a little bit taller than the other and had long blonde hair. Her face was beat up. Maybe she wasn’t to young..? I don’t know. The other red headed girl was really pretty. Straight red hair and freckles… they were laughing and talking and just having a good time. Then they’re were the pot-heads that showed up. All of then in their baggy trip pants and un-combed hair. Its disgusting. A couple of girls were with them which didn’t surprise me. They wore nothing but long te-shirts. I looked over and I saw one of the guys put his hand up near the girls crotch and I nearly barfed. That had to be disgusting. The guy catched me looking and I quickly turned away. He just lit a blunt and I could already smell it. He took a long drag. “Hey! Loner, over there. Want a hit?” I thought about it for a moment and then I shook my head no and figured if I wanted to try it I could just steal some of my moms.

Just then Jason’s potiac showed up. When he got it I debated the color and he ended up getting white instead of red which was a good thing. Cause I was going to be in it a lot and I didn’t want to look retarded driving around feeling like a lady-bug. I stated that point and he easily got the white one. I got in and his leather interior smelled like polish… it didn’t smell like that earlier. Oh well. “ Hey, you look good.” he said without looking at me.

“ you didn’t look at me.” I stated

“No, but those guys were all but screwing you in the ass when you were walking up here.” he was kidding but I felt a little flattered.

“ha ha. Yeah right. Can we go?” Pointing anywhere away from the park I sighed. Iw anted to get away from here. “So, wehre is this party at anyway?”

“Spring lake. Over there on the right side of the lake. You know, Travis Johns house.” Travis Johns. He was nice to me. And we actually hung out during grade school. But that’s grade school this is hioghschool. Two totally different scenes. He was one of the rarely cute and smart jocks. Yeah you might think there aint no thing but he was in all my ap classes last year and he almost beat my average. Almost. He was almost taller than Jason. Almost. He was almost better at basketball than Jamal Rivers. Almost. He was almost is dads favorite son. Almost. The boy is always second best. And second mean you’re the first to loose. So that’s not very good. He had blue eyes and blonde hair. Hitler would die if he took a look at him. He was pretty darn cute. I mean I would date him and I don’t even fall for those kind of jerks. As if he’d even think about considering me.

As if.

We pull in the long driveway. Narrow dirt driveway. it’s a trailer but I big one. Nice size and everything and right on the lake. it’s a pretty shade of green with white trim. We can hear the music thumbing loudly inside the house. People are standing around in groubs outside. Listening to the music from their cars. Drinking from red plastic cup, beer no doubt. “Oh yay.” I unbuckle and step out.

“ Oh c’mon Abbs it isn’t going to be that bad.” at this poin the was standin there looking at me from across the car. “ Try to mingle. You could use it.” he winked at me and started walking.

“ Hey! You said you werrent going to leave me you ass!” I caught up to him and he started laughing. There was nothing funny about what we were facing. Well, what I was facing. I knew all these people and all these people knew me but we never hung out together so I pictured I would be at Jason’s side all night. Walking up the concrete steps going to the door I herd loud shouts of “hey! Jason made it! Cool” “hey look its Jason” jeez how popular was he. He high-fived and nuckle punched for almost ten minutes then I finaly said. “ Well a lot of people were counting on you to come.”

He smiled. “ Yeah I told them not to expect me though cause I wouldn’t go with out you. They said fine and invited you too.” he smiled. He thought he made a good move. He made a very bad move. So I was just here cause they wanted him here. I didn’t even matter. Yeah… well that’s just great. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I probably shouldn’t have took it so seriously but I only got invited because they wanted him here. I feel like im living in his shadow. that’s not fair. I want people to like me for me not cause I hang out with him… I started walking back to the door. “ Hey! Abbs, where ya goin dude?”

“ Home.” damn I sounded mean.

“ But- Why we just got here.” he sounded way confused.

“ No. you just got here. Its like I don’t even exsist. I only got invited cause of you. I don’t like that.” I was out the door and to the road now. I made up my mind and I was going to walk home. Okay it was like an hour walk but who cares. I need to walk for a while. Clear my head.

“ Look I didn’t mean it. Your not walking home.” he grabbed my arm and spun me around. He looked so sad. And so beautiful. “ Let me drive you. Really, you cant walk all the way to your house. Its gunna get dark. Please?”

It thought about it… I didn’t want to but I gave in. he was willing I might as well take it. I looked in his eyes anad I saw him pleading with them. I sighed. “ O.K,.” that’s al I said to him. On the way home I said not one word.

* * *

If I new what was going to happen next I would have said so much more. I regret only saying that one word. It was that night that I figured out I was in love with hima nd it was that night that changed my life.

* * *

I was laying in bed and the phone rang. I ran to go pick it up before it woke my mother. Jesus it was three in the morning who would be calling this late. “Hello?”

Silence.

“hello?” ok now im getting annoyed.

“Abbs. Hurry.” it was Jason. What?

“Jason!?! Whats wrong talk to me..”

Silence.

“ Shit Jason it isn’t funny! TALK!” I herd sirens and my heart dropped. “ Jason…?”

Silence.

Oh shit. Okay I was totally freakier out now. I hung up the phone and called the police and asked him what was going on. He said there had been a crash on the main road. The driver was drunk and the others were to. She asked who they were. “ Jamal Rivers, Travis Johns, Allie Pench and Jason Johnson.”

No.

“okay.”

I hung up. No! I started walking to the e.r. by time I got there they would be there and almost done. I was numb. I couldn’t feel anything. I hoped Jason wasn’t badly hurt but I don’t know who was driving. I was approaching the crash sight and I saw a white Pontiac in the middle of the street.

Oh shit.

It was crushed and along with three other vehicles it was a mess. Metal everywhere. I srtaed running. Only about a mile till the E.R I could do it. I ran. I ran as fast as I could and I just knew Jason was hurt badly. Judging but the car itself. I knew it. What would I do? He’s my only friend. What is he is dead. What then? I couldn’t live with myself. Oh if only I stayed at that party maybe he wouldn’t have gotton drunk. I just know he was the driver. Even if he wasnt he was still drunk. that’s what the police man said. But then again the police in folkston were full of shit. I ran even faster. Only a few more minutes…

The small E.R came into view. The black and whote and red walls being the most scariest place on earth right now. I bust throught the doors and gasp Jason Johnson to the attendent at the window and she points down the hall. It stinks in here but I don’t care. I look in every room looking for Jason. Finaly, I found him.

If Mr. Johnson wasn’t by his side I would have never known it was him. His face was a twisted mess of blood and scars messing up his perfect perfection. I just stared. “ He was-” Mr. Johnson began and I cut him off saying “ I know.” he left me alone. I couldn’t stop staring. This couldn’t be Jason. But the body structure said other wise. Silent tears left my cheeks. Finaly. I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. I placed my hand on his hand and sat there all night.

In the morning I woke up and it was only me and him. I found it weird but I had to say something. Studies show people in a coma can hear you right? And sometimes that talking brings them back to conciseness. “ I should have stayed. You wouldn’t be in this mess if I did. Please don’t leave me. I love you Jase. I mean really love you.” I exhaled maybe I wouldn’t get the chance to say this. It was my only chance and sometimes if they do wake up people dot remember what was said. “ When I first saw you I couldn’t believe how beautiful you were. Then we started talking and shortly after I fell in love. I would never tell you but… now I am and I need you to wake up Jase.” I was whispering through my teeth now. His heart monitor started slowing down and I started crying again. “ No, Jase don’t. c’mon Jase. It’ll be fun. You know… living.” I laughed at that statement. hadn’t he just said that the night before? Yes. He had.

It was slowing even more and I knew he was going. I knew he was leaving me and then I felt a feeling of anger. He couldn’t leave me. He was being selfish. Or was I?

No more beeping.

“ I love you.” I kissed his forhead and I walked out. Out of the hospital. Out of my world. My only and my best friend… gone. Because of me. I couldn’t live with my self. But I wouldn’t kill myself. I couldn’t do that. I could do something to numb the pain? Yes. I could. Oh the thought brought a smile to my face. I big nasty grin. I ran home. Not caring that my lungs felt like they were on fire and that my legts felt like they were going to fall off any second now. I ran past the crash sight which they were still cleaning up and I ran over the rail-road tracks. I ran past the flash foods and then I ran inside. Found my moms stash and lit up.

* * *

Now at this point is where I found the great power of the numbness. The exhilarating journey to no where. People always said the forst time getting high would make you sleepy and tired. This made me everything but. This made me feel alive. Exocentric. I loved it. I was hungry but I didn’t want to move away from the blank T.V, it was so funny. I can still remember it. Its like having sex for the first time. Its so special you remember every little detail about it. The way the sheets smelled, the way the bed moved. Well this was like how long a dragged out the blunt. It was a big blunt and it smelled horrible. But I smoked every last bit of it. I wanted something more powerful cause I could still feel just a little bit in my heart. I wanted to feel nothing. But what could give me that kind of high. I knew the types of drugs I just didn’t know how to get them. How do I get those? Oh I know how to get those now I assure you but at that time I had no idea. I remember myself looking through my mothers drawers for lines or some blue pills. I found none and I remember that made me angry. I wanted hard drugs.

I needed them.

I craved them.

* * *

I woke up with a major headache but I felt good! What happened last night anyway…?

Jason.

Shit. The feeling is creeping up again I’m about to brake. I don’t want to. I cant. It was all my fault. I stumble out of bed into my brothers dim cold room. Stepping over a condom wrapper and his bong I finaly find what I’m looking for. The but load of blunts. I grab about four. Store two in my room for later, make my way to the couch and its toke time.

I took the first drag and it felt amazing. Now that I can comprehend and see without the tears in my eyes its way better. Its way batter than I ever imagined it would be. After that drag I just sit there, unmoving. Looking at the popcorn like ceiling trying to make out different shapes. The room spinned and I felt like flying. I tried to stand up but that didn’t really work out. I fell down on the floor and started laughing. Another drag.

And another.

And another.

And pretty soon I was done with the first one.

On to the second.

Okay so maybe I would be fun if someone else was here with me? Yeah, maybe. I need a life… I like this state. Where im totally honest cause now I realize how pathetic my life is. My best friend just died, now I have no one. Nothing to look forward to in the morning when I wake up. I have to ride the bus. No one. I will make new friends. I will. I’m determined. Maybe that goth kid on the bus? He probably tokes it. Or maybe I can wait around the park and ask for some hits off those other goth kids. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

I was so giddy I couldn’t stand still. I was dancing to imaginary music with the blunt in one hand and a bottle of jack in the other.

Wasted.

Pretty soon the second one was done and all I had with me was a a qauter of jack yet. Not much fun by myself.

I started out the door and realized I had no shoes.

Fuck it. I walked. I didn’t know where but I walked. I needed to move somewhere. my feet took me to the park where the stoners were. They were there. Make-out sessions in progress and tokin it. Oh yeah. I walked up to the dude that offered me one yesterday and just took it out of his hand and took a drag. Everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared in bewilderment. I loked at all of them, blunt in hand and said “ What? I cant have fun either?”

They all looked shocked. “ Here,” the host guy said. “ Come here, let me role you one.” He led me to the far tables and took his from my hand. “ Mine.” I laughed. He reminded me of a five year-old in the mine stage. Its like I just took his favorite speed racer car.

“ Over protective? Thought so. Look all I need is a little bit. Need something to help.. To… I don’t know. I feel like crap.” was it because I was high I was saying this? No clue but it felt good. He grinned and I I noticed he had a few crooked teeth but clean. He had green eyes, black hair. (of course) He was tall. To tall. He stoop up and offered his jacket. I guess I was shivering. “ T-thanks.” ok, now I know I was shivering.

“ No problem… so what made you change your mind beautiful?” beautiful? Did he just call me that. No. I had to be hearing things. No one called me that. Not even my own mother. He looked at my confused face and coughed. “ Um sorry I-”

“ Oh, no its fine…?” waiting for a name here.

“ Caleb. The names caleb.” nice.

“ Caleb…” I repeted.. “ Well, you know that crash yesterday? My best friend died. It was my fault. Need something to ease the pain.” all I said.

“ Were you in the car?” sounded doncerned

“ No.” I looked down at the now lit wrap.

“ Then its not your fault. He was drunk. He was driving. People make mistakes.”

“ No. It is my fault. I left the party that’s why he was drinking. He wouldn’t have drank if I hadn’t left.” the “ Left” word broke off and I started sobbing. I need more. Took another long drag, Caleb got up and come over to me hugging me to his chest. He was warm. It felt good. I buried my head in his neck and realized I just met him. I pulled back and wiped my eyes, took another hit and stood up. “ Well, Caleb, thanks.” I lifted up the blunt to know I was refering to it.

He waved his hand. “ No bog deal I got plenty. Hey, um if you need to talk im always here. Around eleven. Come by tomorrow night. We can hang.” He smiled. I smiled. Tomorrow was Sunday so I ddnt find a problem with it.

This time I really smiled. “ Yeah, thanks. I’ll do that.” I turned and walked home. And I remembered I had his jacket on. I turned quickly and he was still there looking at me. I pointed to his jacket and he waved his hand the same way he did with the blunt.

“ Nah, keep it ’till I walk you to the door.” he walked towards me and put his arm around my shoulder. I liked that. He didn’t even smell like those other people. He might have smoked some but his Armani something overpowered it.

“ Mm you smell nice.” I cant believe I just said that. O-M-G. So to make it look like it was just side affects I started laughing. First it was forced then I laughed at my self for forcing myself to laugh… wow. I’m mental. He didn’t say anything just kept on walking forward towards my house. How does he know where I live? Oh, I don’t care, as long as he gets me there. We are about thirty feet away from my yard and he asks.

“ Wanna go out sometime. Maybe a movie or something?” I was shocked. Maybe it was the high that made me feel all fluttery inside. Is this really what I wanted? To go on a date with some stoner? Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. C’mon he couldn’t be that bad. I mean, he smelled nice… that’s all I know about him. And of course his name. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Caleb. Okay so maybe its taking about a minute to answer and we are already at my door. I could always get to know him more… well why not? Aint got nothing to loose. Realizing I haven’t spoken for a couple minutes I talk.

“ Um, I don’t-”

“ You don’t have to. It was just a thought you know… to get your mind off of ja-”

“ Yeah, I’ll go. Sure,” Had to keep him from saying that name. “ Sure, pick me up around seven okay?”

He smiled. “ Okay, see you then.” he left without his coat. he didn’t seem to notice.

“ Hey! Your coat!” my voice cracked.

He didn’t turn around. “ Keep it! I don’t need it.”

Okay? I just turned and went inside. Closed the door and slid down. The high was wearing off and I realized it wasn’t the high that made me say yes. I was kind of excited. How much do I actually know this kid? I racked my brain for his name. CALEB! I need to embed that in my brain. If not that could cause a lot of trouble. I never know, he could be some sort of maniac.