My heart is a beat It skips its beat
as we breath
It is filled with more than anyone you shall ever know
My heart keeps me alive
but lately its been doing more Than that it’s doing
more than pumping blood To keep me going
It is a skipping and a beating it’s love beat of its own
My heart I just don’t speak its language anymore
My heart been in the darkness I just don’t know how to bring it out
With it in the darkness I don’t know what to do
What is love what is not I do not care
As long as I got you there is no problem non longer
I can hear the thunk of my heart beating a little bit faster
author note
- this is a poem I made for a crush of mine. I also entered in a contest and it won.
its now in a book/magazine
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That's really cool getting selected for that Autumn!
But let's get started.
You have no punctuation what so ever which make thing confusing. If you want to do that every place that there would have punctuation that separates - such as commas, semicolons, or otherwise - make a new line. I had to re-read the lines a few times to understand what you were trying to portray.
The second line talks about being filled with something more than one would ever know. That doesn't make sense. Filled with what?
I am talking about my hearts crush. and I am saying that my heart filled with more than anyone will ever know.
my poem lines got mixed a bit. I fixed. and with my poetry. I rarely ever use grammar. I am free verse poet. I hate grammar. mostly because I don't understand it. and it mostly because it is a pain. which is really more of a pain when I am writing my stories. but I have good friends. and really great SITE called GRAMMARLY. so yeah. and thanks for the review
I use Grammarly too
doesn't everyone now. its kinda like god sent gift
Yeah, it is.
Hi, Bean here to review...
Okay, I did like this poem, but like niteowl said "I find myself confused as to whether it's supposed to be a happy love poem or a heartbreak poem. First the heart is skipping a beat and in love, but then it goes into darkness, but then "you" shows up and suddenly everything is great again. "What is love what is not I do not care" seems weirdly cynical for what feels like it's supposed to be a positive poem about a crush. " I completely agree.
This is a cheesy poem and I love it for that, so thank you for writing this.
You could develop it more, but overall 8/10, would recommend
-bean
thanks for the review. people keep saying that.. lol. but really its just suppose to be a cheesy love poem for a crush
Hi there AutumnDawn! Niteowl here to review.
First off, I hate to break this to you, but I'm almost certain that the website that published this piece is a poetry contest scam. I fell for something similar many years ago. These contests make money by offering a free poetry contest, accepting most or all entries, and then charging up the nose for copies of the anthology and possibly other services. These anthologies aren't sold to readers, but rather to the "winning" authors and their friends/family. I would encourage you not to fork out any money to this organization for your "author's copy".
https://winningwriters.com/the-best-free-literary-contests/contests-to-avoid -The place you submitted to seems to be connected to Poetry Press Publishing/songwritingopportunities.com
Okay, so now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the poem itself. I find myself confused as to whether it's supposed to be a happy love poem or a heartbreak poem. First the heart is skipping a beat and in love, but then it goes into darkness, but then "you" shows up and suddenly everything is great again. "What is love what is not I do not care" seems weirdly cynical for what feels like it's supposed to be a positive poem about a crush.
This is the best part of the poem. There's a lot of potential in the idea of a heart having a language and the speaker not being able to speak that language. It suggests a disconnect between the brain and heart. Perhaps the brain doesn't want to fall for this person but the heart does anyway. The idea is definitely worth developing and could even be the focal point of a new piece.
Overall, this is an okay, if somewhat cheesy love poem, but there's some parts that feel out of place in a poem about a crush and a line I'd love to see developed further. Keep writing!
okay thanks. I write this long time ago.
Woah! Congratulations!!!
thank you