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The Rose In The Storm

by AutumnDawn



(picture taken by me. this rose is located in my backyard. its been through hell. and is still blossoming beautifully this year.)

The rose in the storm

My life is like the rain.

It’s just a sprinkle one moment

And next moment you are crying and begging for it to stop

I have no control over what others think of me

I just know people come and go like the rain

But you….

Oh you……

Your different

Your like a rose

That comes back each year

Your beauty is protected by your thorns

They make you stronger

It shields you from the pain

From the welting petals

From all the little hands that grab a hold of you

They grab and yank your neighbor away

Free from where they use to grow

Wildly and peacefully

The weeds are jealous of your undying beauty

Greedily they steal away your life source

Binckering and growing

They are growing close to you

They starting to grow onto you

You have all play this endless same game

Since the day you first knew you were here to stay

Like your thorns

They just keep on taking your beauty

But here I am now

Don’t you worry now

Because you are my rose

Fear no more

Cause I cause I am your knight in not so shiny armor

For here I am

I have the shears that will tear down and rip apart all that hurts you

For your beauty

I will tear down the world

One petal falls to the ground

Oh I shall chase after it

Oh cause I love you so

With each petal that falls

I can begin to see you are so beautiful

Oh so your scent leaks to the ground and twirls its way into the sky

Where every creature can sense it

I shall stomp feet

I shall summon all of my strength

Cause for you my rose there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do

They are all around me now

Like the wild wolves that they clearly are

Oh, their claws dig so deeply into me

I shall not fall

I shall not go

For you are my rose

I do not care

For If they kill me

I hope you know

you make me who I am

For you I will stand in the rain without a desperately needed shelter

For I see you

Oh my do you stand so proudly

The thunder is now here

I shall rush out towards you

Without thinking

Without knowing

But knowing by heart that you need me

There you are my rose

The rose standing proudly in the storm

Oh, my beauty

You are the rose in the storm

I shall never let you go

For if I do

I will lose what I desperately need the most

I shall not forget you

I shall not let you battle this undying and undenying storm called life

For you are my star in the night

So brightly shining as you show me the way

For you are my coat

I so clingy hold tightly too

For you are my air

Without you my lungs were quit

For you are my heart

All that love and all I that need

For you are my smile

That never seems out of place

For you are the light in unending tunnel of life

You guide to safety and to love

Oh for you are my best friend

So strong and beautiful

An undying soul

Forever in mine own

For you are my best friend

Who makes laugh so hard

That nearly die

Oh for you best friend

There is nothing in this world I Wouldn’t do 


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7 Reviews


Points: 56
Reviews: 7

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Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:47 pm
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varada6467 wrote a review...



Hello AutumDawn.
I am just a newbie who came forward today into reviewing stories and poems.
So don't consider anything offensive.

I really like the way you have hidden the feelings you have for your friend in the poem.
It is attractive, and as I belong to a school with an international curriculum,I have English literature as one of my subjects. In this subject we review poems and write an analysis on how it was.And the poems we choose to analyse are from great writers.........So what I wanna say is that I will surely suggest this poem to my teacher for an analysis. As it is a great piece of writing.

Overall, I enjoyed the free flow style your poem took on. The metaphor paired with imagery made me love your poem all the more! :)




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104 Reviews


Points: 6803
Reviews: 104

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Sun Oct 28, 2018 11:44 am
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KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello AutumnDawn, Katja here to review your poem! As always please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. That being said, onto the review! :)

Overall Opinion & Interpretation

Your poem is about your best friend whom you compare to and refer to as a "rose in the storm". They are compared to the beauty and strength of a rose which grows back every year and is protected by its thorns. I really liked this metaphor of the rose in a storm! It really reminded me of my roses I worked so hard to grow, and when a big storm came I was so afraid that they would have died or been destroyed. But they are truly hardy, they survived with little to no damage. And Because I can personally attribute this metaphor to my own experience it makes me realize how strong and beautiful your friend is to you. :)

Overall, I enjoyed the free flow style your poem took on. The metaphor paired with imagery made me love your poem all the more! :)

Also, as someone who also loved photography, I just wanted to say I love the picture of your rose, which seems to have inspired this poem :D


Suggestions

My life is like the rain.

(three lines in between)

I just know people come and go like the rain


The usage of rain as a metaphor for both life and the way that people tend to "come and go" in such a short number of lines.... I don't know. While technically not incorrect, I feel like you could come up with a separate and more creative metaphor in this fifth line as opposed to repeating the one in line one.

Your different

Your like a rose

I hate to be THAT guy... but... this should be "You're"
Remember that you're is a contraction, "you are" and "your" is a second person possessive adjective.


From the welting petals


welting is incorrect here, and should be "wilting".

Binckering and growing

They are growing close to you

They starting to grow onto you

I think this should be "Bickering and growling", 1) i believe binckering was a typo and 2) growing doesn't make sense and is also used one line down in a correct way. And additionally, the third should be "They are starting to grow onto you"

You have all played this endless same game

In red I added 'ed" to make it "played" which is the correct way with "you have". I used strikeouts to show that same is not needed.

Cause I cause I am your knight in not so shiny armor

Used strikeouts to show a repeat of "Cause I" should be removed.

I shall stomp my feet


Added "my" before feet which modifies "feet" to show they belong to the narrator.

I shall not let you battle this undying and undenying storm called life

I personally feel like you should add "alone" at the end, and remove "undenying-storm- called life" altogether. "I shall not let you battle this undying storm alone". You used metaphors previously to show us that rain and storms are symbolic for life in this poem. I just feel this would clean this line up a little better but purely my own opinion.

I so clingy hold tightly too

This line, I'm not sure how to suggest a correction for it. Given the previous line, comparing the friend to a coat, maybe "that I so tightly cling onto"?

Without you my lungs were would quit

Replaced were with would, which is the correct usage here.

Who makes me laugh so hard

That I nearly die


And, that's all I have for suggestions. :)

I really enjoyed this poem. Your use of metaphors (rain and storms, thorns and weeds, unending tunnels and stars) I feel like was this poem's strength. I love the imagery as well! I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

Keep writing,

-Katja




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34 Reviews


Points: 54
Reviews: 34

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Fri Oct 26, 2018 12:40 am
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ThatOneGuy2002 wrote a review...



Amazing, now that, is what i call free style poetry. I can tell you worked hard on this, good job. Now, there is one gramatic error, if it was not intended, the thirty third line has a repeat on "cause I", which i wasnt sure if you were going for more of a lyrical poem, but just making it known to you. All in all, amazing and inspirational. I hope to hear more from you in the future. :3




AutumnDawn says...


its free verse and sorta of lyrical poem.





Gotcha.




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