(picture taken by me. this rose is located in my backyard. its been through hell. and is still blossoming beautifully this year.)
The rose in the storm
My life is like the rain.
It’s just a sprinkle one moment
And next moment you are crying and begging for it to stop
I have no control over what others think of me
I just know people come and go like the rain
But you….
Oh you……
Your different
Your like a rose
That comes back each year
Your beauty is protected by your thorns
They make you stronger
It shields you from the pain
From the welting petals
From all the little hands that grab a hold of you
They grab and yank your neighbor away
Free from where they use to grow
Wildly and peacefully
The weeds are jealous of your undying beauty
Greedily they steal away your life source
Binckering and growing
They are growing close to you
They starting to grow onto you
You have all play this endless same game
Since the day you first knew you were here to stay
Like your thorns
They just keep on taking your beauty
But here I am now
Don’t you worry now
Because you are my rose
Fear no more
Cause I cause I am your knight in not so shiny armor
For here I am
I have the shears that will tear down and rip apart all that hurts you
For your beauty
I will tear down the world
One petal falls to the ground
Oh I shall chase after it
Oh cause I love you so
With each petal that falls
I can begin to see you are so beautiful
Oh so your scent leaks to the ground and twirls its way into the sky
Where every creature can sense it
I shall stomp feet
I shall summon all of my strength
Cause for you my rose there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do
They are all around me now
Like the wild wolves that they clearly are
Oh, their claws dig so deeply into me
I shall not fall
I shall not go
For you are my rose
I do not care
For If they kill me
I hope you know
you make me who I am
For you I will stand in the rain without a desperately needed shelter
For I see you
Oh my do you stand so proudly
The thunder is now here
I shall rush out towards you
Without thinking
Without knowing
But knowing by heart that you need me
There you are my rose
The rose standing proudly in the storm
Oh, my beauty
You are the rose in the storm
I shall never let you go
For if I do
I will lose what I desperately need the most
I shall not forget you
I shall not let you battle this undying and undenying storm called life
For you are my star in the night
So brightly shining as you show me the way
For you are my coat
I so clingy hold tightly too
For you are my air
Without you my lungs were quit
For you are my heart
All that love and all I that need
For you are my smile
That never seems out of place
For you are the light in unending tunnel of life
You guide to safety and to love
Oh for you are my best friend
So strong and beautiful
An undying soul
Forever in mine own
For you are my best friend
Who makes laugh so hard
That nearly die
Oh for you best friend
There is nothing in this world I Wouldn’t do
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139,681 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hello AutumDawn.
I am just a newbie who came forward today into reviewing stories and poems.
So don't consider anything offensive.
I really like the way you have hidden the feelings you have for your friend in the poem.
It is attractive, and as I belong to a school with an international curriculum,I have English literature as one of my subjects. In this subject we review poems and write an analysis on how it was.And the poems we choose to analyse are from great writers.........So what I wanna say is that I will surely suggest this poem to my teacher for an analysis. As it is a great piece of writing.
Overall, I enjoyed the free flow style your poem took on. The metaphor paired with imagery made me love your poem all the more!
Hello AutumnDawn, Katja here to review your poem! As always please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. That being said, onto the review!
Overall Opinion & Interpretation
Your poem is about your best friend whom you compare to and refer to as a "rose in the storm". They are compared to the beauty and strength of a rose which grows back every year and is protected by its thorns. I really liked this metaphor of the rose in a storm! It really reminded me of my roses I worked so hard to grow, and when a big storm came I was so afraid that they would have died or been destroyed. But they are truly hardy, they survived with little to no damage. And Because I can personally attribute this metaphor to my own experience it makes me realize how strong and beautiful your friend is to you.
Overall, I enjoyed the free flow style your poem took on. The metaphor paired with imagery made me love your poem all the more!
Also, as someone who also loved photography, I just wanted to say I love the picture of your rose, which seems to have inspired this poem
Suggestions
The usage of rain as a metaphor for both life and the way that people tend to "come and go" in such a short number of lines.... I don't know. While technically not incorrect, I feel like you could come up with a separate and more creative metaphor in this fifth line as opposed to repeating the one in line one.
I hate to be THAT guy... but... this should be "You're"
Remember that you're is a contraction, "you are" and "your" is a second person possessive adjective.
welting is incorrect here, and should be "wilting".
I think this should be "Bickering and growling", 1) i believe binckering was a typo and 2) growing doesn't make sense and is also used one line down in a correct way. And additionally, the third should be "They are starting to grow onto you"
In red I added 'ed" to make it "played" which is the correct way with "you have". I used strikeouts to show that same is not needed.
Used strikeouts to show a repeat of "Cause I" should be removed.
Added "my" before feet which modifies "feet" to show they belong to the narrator.
I personally feel like you should add "alone" at the end, and remove "undenying-storm- called life" altogether. "I shall not let you battle this undying storm alone". You used metaphors previously to show us that rain and storms are symbolic for life in this poem. I just feel this would clean this line up a little better but purely my own opinion.
This line, I'm not sure how to suggest a correction for it. Given the previous line, comparing the friend to a coat, maybe "that I so tightly cling onto"?
Replaced were with would, which is the correct usage here.
And, that's all I have for suggestions.
I really enjoyed this poem. Your use of metaphors (rain and storms, thorns and weeds, unending tunnels and stars) I feel like was this poem's strength. I love the imagery as well! I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep writing,
-Katja
Amazing, now that, is what i call free style poetry. I can tell you worked hard on this, good job. Now, there is one gramatic error, if it was not intended, the thirty third line has a repeat on "cause I", which i wasnt sure if you were going for more of a lyrical poem, but just making it known to you. All in all, amazing and inspirational. I hope to hear more from you in the future. :3
its free verse and sorta of lyrical poem.
Gotcha.