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Young Writers Society



Who Killed Romeo and Juliet

by AutoPilot


My Name Here

Teachers Name Here

English 9B

Unit_2, Lesson_12

March 21, 2016

Who Really Killed Romeo and Juliet?

The question “Who was responsible for the deaths of Romeo and Juliet” is not easily answered. The families could easily take the blame; because they were from two families that harbored a war against each other, they were kept apart. We could blame the suicide-couple themselves, because they were young and stupid and decided to do ridiculous things for love. The blame could also validly be put on society for pushing them into the decisions they made. But in reality, the fault of Romeo and Juliet’s deaths can be squarely placed on the friar's shoulders.

Friar Laurence was a very interesting man. He started out chiding Romeo for his little short lived spurts of ‘love’. He chided him for already casting aside the fair Rosalyn, with whom he had previously been obsessed. All in all, he really proved that Romeo was thinking with his groin instead of his head. Romeo fought that he really was ‘in love’, but I do not think he really understood what he was saying.

The friar encouraged Romeo and Juliet in their exploits of ‘love’, after Romeo was banished, Juliet was extremely distraught. The friar devised a plan so that they could be together as they wanted. On the day Juliet was to be wed, the friar helped her fake her death; he then sent a letter with the plan and all of its details to Romeo so he would understand and not worry. There was only one problem: the letter the friar sent never reached Romeo. Romeo, upon hearing his ‘beloved’ was dead, went out and purchased a strong poison so that he could kill himself and lay with Juliet in death for eternity.

The letter never reached Romeo, so after he had bought the lethal poison he went on a journey that ended at Juliet’s tomb. He, upon seeing her ‘dead’, ingested the poison he had bought for that very purpose. Juliet, upon waking and seeing Romeo, was for a moment full of joy; until she realized that he was dead. For in his ignorance of her false death, he had drunk the poison strong enough to slay twenty men and greeted his imminent death. Juliet then kissed him in hopes that a few pearls of poison might have clung to his lips, she then fell dead for real. In their ignorance, they had cultivated circumstances that they may indeed lay together forever, not in marriage, but in death.

The friar had encouraged Romeo and Juliet’s hidden affair, he had married them against their families wish and without their parent’s blessings. The friar had devised the plan that had resulted in the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. Because of the miscommunication, or really, the fact that the friars letter had never reached Romeo, they had both been killed for real instead of only Juliet, and her faking it. So in conclusion: The deaths of Romeo and his beloved Juliet had resulted at the fault of Friar Laurence.


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Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:36 pm
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there AutoPilot! Niteowl here to review this interesting essay.

Overall, it's an interesting argument, and not necessarily what I was expecting when I opened this. I think you make some excellent points, but I do have some critiques.

1) The first body paragraph is pretty weak. First off, I don't think slangy/borderline inappropriate idioms like " Romeo was thinking with his groin instead of his head" belong in a formal essay. I would try to word this idea in a more formal way, like maybe "prone to infatuations and obsessed with pretty young women". Also, the first sentence should be the topic sentence of the paragraph, effectively showing the reader what the paragraph is about. "Friar Laurence was a very interesting man" doesn't do this. I feel like the idea you're trying to get across is that he was serving as a mentor to Romeo, but didn't do enough to curb Romeo's passions. If so, I would go with something like "Friar Laurence knew about Romeo's passionate tendencies, but did not do enough as a mentor to steer him away from poor choices." You might also want to add a little more to this paragraph to make the point clear, perhaps using quotes from the text. Are you supposed to be using quotes to support your points?

2)

The friar encouraged Romeo and Juliet in their exploits of ‘love’. After Romeo was banished, Juliet was extremely distraught.


The friar had encouraged Romeo and Juliet’s hidden affair, he had married them against their families wishes and without their parent’s blessings.


Juliet then kissed him in hopes that a few pearls of poison might have clung to his lips. She then fell dead for real.


A couple edits here.

3) Generally, you should avoid first and second person in formal essays, so I would rework your introductory paragraph to take out the "I".

4) A good persuasive essay anticipates potential counterarguments and rebuts them. In this case, the main counterargument that I can see is "How would the Friar know that his letter would never reach Romeo?". Some possible rebuttals include 1) that it's irrelevant because he shouldn't have been encouraging the lovers in the first place or 2) that he could have sent better supervision of the letter (I don't remember exactly what happened here so this point might be moot). In any case, you could combine the second and third body paragraphs and dedicate the last paragraph to rebutting potential counter-arguments.

Overall, this is a good essay and you bring up some interesting points. Keep writing! :D




AutoPilot says...


Thanks for the review!

Now I have to go through and rewrite some of this, yay. Thank you for pointing out all of the 'i's in the first paragraph, I've been writing from first person a lot recently and completely forgot that that is not expectable in an essay! I do believe that adding quotes and examples from the text could add a lot to this, thank for also pointing that out. When I get to editing this I will definitely keep your points in mind.

Thanks again!



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Tue Mar 22, 2016 6:28 pm
groganbabygirl wrote a review...



Hi there!
I really have got to compliment you on this work. Your reasoning is very sound. At the beginning you briefly outlined the possibilities and then hit us with your own opinion, which you stated very confidently. The details you have included show that you have actually read the play and are not just parroting what you have been told. A couple of little things I want to point out to you: 1) in the second paragraph, you use the word "really" entirely too much. Switch it up some. Reading it aloud will help you with hearing what word will sound good to replace it. 2) Second to last sentence is a little vague and awkward. You can completely nix the "or really..reached Romeo" as you already told us that the letters never got to him. You could change the sentence to something like: Because of miscommunication at the fault of the friar, the two lovers committed suicide, leaving their families to grieve their "deaths" for the last time. Or something to that effect. Overall, this was an effective piece. And believe me, the more you write these kinds of essays, the better you get.

Groganbabygirl




AutoPilot says...


Thanks for the review! I really need to really take out the really's... Yeah, you are right, I need to find a different word.





Lol




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