Young Writers Society

Wow. What go me the most is that I can totally imagine this being a part of everyday life in the future. While I was reading I was reminded of books like Ready Player One, or The Eye Of Minds, because it just seemed to happen and flow so casually. I could see this being an entire book someday. Really, really good job. The only thing I see wrong is a spelling error which can easily be fixed. Keep up the good work!

Hi there! I'm a huge fan of science fiction based writing so this work definitely drew my attention.

Because you have created a slightly different and unfamiliar world, perhaps you could have further described the atmosphere simply because the reader may want to feel like they are almost in that environment and makes an easier connection with the reader.

Characters are what make the story therefore a more elaborate description of the main character would have been better, again to strengthen the connection with the reader. Luckily, she is already interesting because of the decision she has made - to erase all of her memories which is a fundamental one. But perhaps you could mention a flashback which reveals her family and her relationships with the other characters. This will add more depth to your story.

Other than that, the concept is very original and quite haunting but I think it is brilliant!

Keep up the good work and I would love to read anymore of your pieces.
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EDITED

Whoops, sorry. I deleted my original comment because I realized that you posted another version of this which is actually the one you wanted me to look at. Silly me.

Hey there, Authorian. Happy Review Day!

First, I'd like to say that the title was catchy. When I saw it in the Green Room, I just had to click on it to see how things would go down. I did have an idea of what would happen from when I read the summary, but my curiosity itched and here I am, haha.

That aside, you have an interesting idea here. Memories being sold to the public who wants to experience something else is pretty neat. Imagine, if you were lonely, you could just go to the Memory Center and BAM, no more sad memory, or, if you're on the wealthy side, you could just purchase a happy memory that would take your mind off the sad one. Ooh, what if you wanted to do something but you're not allowed to? Head to the Center and find the one you want. It's an idea which could really be explored. Also, it's pretty interesting how this makes me think of the things people do when they're running low on options. Were you trying to show what may go on when people are backed to a corner with nothing else to hold on to? Because on a more morbid note, to me, the memories here could be considered as a cover up on the reality that sometimes, some people sell some of their organs (kidneys, namely) just to get some money.

Anyway, on to the critique. I'll be nit-picky here, but please be reminded that I only want to help you improve, in case I may rub off as harsh in the following section.

Hundreds of memories for sale, to the commen public, and, more often, to the billionares who have nothing better to do than experience another lifetime.

“I’d like to make a sale.” She said.

“Place that on your head, whereever is fine.”

Hi Authorian, nice story. Here are some of my thoughts:

Titles that appear in the story

It's fun to put the line of a title in the story and it can be powerful. Here it definitely works, but I think you could have an even more powerful title. It just reminds me a little too much of Hemingway's six word story (which may have been an assignment for you?)

For sale, fifteen memories, dating, break-up not included.

For sale, one memory, victory.

For sale, four hundred and seventy-two memories, lifetime.

The list went on and on. Hundreds of memories for sale, to the commen public, and, more often, to the billionares who have nothing better to do than experience another lifetime. If you choose to sell a memory, you’ll forget it forever, and you get fifty percent of the sales earnings.

The Memory Center always has lines and lines of people, from poor to poorer, trying to get a few pennies for there memories. The happy ones sell better, but some of the sad ones do as well.

“Welcome to the Memory Center. How can I help you?” The lady behind the counter adressed the next person in line in a routine fasion.

The girl shifted uneasily from foot to foot. “I’d like to make a sale.” She said.

The lady looked at her steadily. “Are you sure? You’ll be reduced to a state of emptiness, and we won’t be able to take you back to your family.”

“No matter, I want to forget.” The girl said with a slight smile.

The lady nodded. “Alright then, here.” She handed the girl a small disk. “Place that on your head, whereever is fine.” The girl obeyed, and braced herself.

She went in, and an old man at the front desk smiled at her. “Hello, how can I help you?”

The girl blinked back tears. “The lady...” She took in a deep breath and looked around. “The lady behind the desk told me to come here.”

“I see.” The man smiled sadly.

“Sh-She told me to pick a good one.”

The man picked up a disk from the counter, and set it on her head. “Here, this should do love, and I’m so sorry.” The girl sat on a bench, and then placed the disk on her head. Memories of a perfect life, of love, and adventure, and a suitable end flooded her brain. Sitting there and staring into space, she laughed and talked for several hours, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

The next morning, the Collection Team came and took all the people sitting on the benches of the library to be burned.

And, somewhere downtown, a small, poor family, wept. For the temporary fullness of their bellies would never be worth the price.

Aha. I ran out of poems to review so I am about to review some short stories! And well, this is something I'd love to spend some time on.
So, should we start? Well, let's go!

I'd like to start up with the title. Well, the title seems pretty good to me. It isn't too vague and is just what it should have been.
But, I think you should have changed it something like "For sale, poor condition, one lifetime!". Don't you think it looks better? Well, at least I think it looks better. haha

About the story, I would just say WOW! That was simply out of this world. What a beauty you! Simply amazing. I cannot even think how you came up with such an amazing idea to write something like this. Well done!
Although there are really very minor grammatical errors here and there which I don't even wanna nitpick! One more thing, please ask someone to proofread your stories before you publish them. It'd help you a lot. (You can even ask me if you want. haha)

Overall, it was really so good. I don't words to describe my feeling after reading this. BUT, the ending could have been better. It was just an average! Given that you were so good throughout the story and became an average at the ending was just a bit painful. But still, it was superb. I loved it.

Keep writing. I am your fan now!

Hi there Authorian! Niteowl here to leave a quick review on this story.

Overall, I really like the plot. It's a rather original idea, if an extremely scary one.

However, I think it could be a little more fleshed out. The first few lines suggest a Craigslist-style posting for memories, while the transaction itself is more like buying groceries. It seems like the woman would want to assess the memories somehow and use that to set how much she'll pay the family, like a resale shop. Or perhaps she has to wait until there's a buyer, like on eBay or Craigslist.

The library scene is also somewhat illogical. If all her memories are gone, how does the girl still know how to speak the language and where/what the library is?

I think you could up the emotional impact by using imagery. If I was about to sell my memories, I'm pretty sure I'd start going through them one last time, especially the happy/important ones. I would consider adding some of the girl's memories to give us a stronger sense of who she is and what she's giving up.

Overall, this is a really interesting idea, just think about fleshing it out. Keep writing!

Wow. This was breathtaking. So original. *ahem* Happy Review Day! Let's get this review started.

I wanted to begin by - my oh my, what a splendid plot this is! I loves it so, so much. It was engaging, interesting, and just original! Awesome job.

However - I think it was a little short. (Except, that may just be because this was awesome, and I just want moreXD) A little longer would have been amazing, even if you're not adding anymore to the plot, just expanding it, adding more details, imagery, etc.

Also, emotion. Emotion could've been conveyed in this story somewhat better. We've got a tear slipping down the girl's cheek, but what else? I want to feel very bad for her, so write it that way! You can do it.

The last thing I wanted to mention: The last line. It just settled everything so smoothly and perfectly. Especially since you started the beginning in a same manner, that last line just was perfect.

I hope this helps!

~ EternalRain - Team Ketchup