z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Nightmare

by AuthenticallyAngie


Mirrors, mirrors, on the walls

Does this sound familiar?

All you hear are your echoed calls

Maybe this will bewilder.

Running! Running!

The maze unfolding

Maybe I’m bluffing

I might be a bit controlling

But back to the subject-

Crack!

Falling! Falling!

There was a hole?!

Calling, calling,

Reaching for a hold

Blinking blinking

Flashing lights

Sinking sinking

Once reaching for the heights-

Thud!

You hit the floor

Thankfully there isn’t blood

Only black

Only void

Why is it you have a knack

To get into situations like this?

You haven’t got a clue.

You’re really quite annoyed.

Wandering, searching

Looking for an exit

Better not compare it

To the light

You once took for granted

The void is ever-expanding yet closing in

How much time has it been?

Suddenly you see the light

You’ve heard this before,

Am I right?

You stumble to the dot of white

Which soon becomes a world of blinking,

Flashing light

Memories, colors, and worlds flash around

You can only run as the light surrounds

You scream

It’s all you can do

As you’re stuck in this phantasmagoria

I’ve written for you-

Eyes fly open.

The mother bird sings her morning song,

You sigh, It was just a dream.

But can you trust your sense of reality,

When nothing is as it seems?

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160 Reviews

Points: 12700
Reviews: 160

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Wed Jun 07, 2023 5:39 pm
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Valkyria wrote a review...



Hello, I hope you're having a wonderful day! I'm here to leave a quick review.

First impressions: I really like how the poem is formatted. From the center text to the line lengths. The second POV also sells the poem as a nightmare. It does feel like I am truly experiencing this.

You scream

It’s all you can do

As you’re stuck in this phantasmagoria

I’ve written for you-


This is definitely my favorite stanza. The bolded word and the fourth wall break is really cool. I also love the repetition of words like "Falling" and "Running."

I would suggest italizizing the onomatopoeia such as "crack" and "thud." Since you're using them as single-line actions, it would add more of a punch to the poem. This is an awesome poem, and I hope to read more of your works in the future!






Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it :)



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240 Reviews

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Reviews: 240

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Tue May 30, 2023 5:23 pm
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hello there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your very interesting poem. I think I had a nightmare like this too hehe. I haven't read your other writing The Reflection but I'll read that later after this review. Anyways, let's get into it.

First impressions. I thought it was going to be scarier because the dream I had like many years ago. I am happy I haven't had a nightmare in awhile. At least I can and your readers can imagine how the poems goes. And I have read books of how to write something scary and one of the tips are to leave the description to the reader's imagination so it's still good. And it still makes you stay in the edge of your seat even if it is not that scary.

I also love how it is like a pov too. When I imagine things with this poem, I imagine a manga or an anime playing or viewing in my mind. A girl in a frightened expression running and running in a maze, falling into a void. Overall, it is good. Keep it up! I am shocked I am the first person to review this and other YWS writer wrote a review. Have a good day/night and if this nightmare ever happened to you, have a good sleep at night too c:






Thank you! I appreciate it ^^



AkuRashomon says...


You're welcome!




Writing is like love: the real thing is a lot less romantic
— dragonfphoenix