Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well...um what can I say...it was surprisingly not good...like of course it had some very obvious and rather glaring flaws but I really think you could do far worse than this if you hope to win a competition for worst piece ever.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Kelly lived in a small house down a lane nearby a school called Daisys. She had two best friends called Susie and Morgan and they had known eachother forever since they were kids, but now they weren't kids and they were all 12. One day Kelly went to school at 7:15 sharp because she wanted to get their early to meet her friends Susie and Morgan to talk to them. Only when she got ther she didn't see Morgan and Susie but some strange boy she didn't know she she went up to him to get to know him. "Hi" Kelly said to him. "Hi" He said back to her. The boy was bleeding down his leg, which made Kelly laugh because she thought he had actually just spilt tomato sauce down him but when she asked him he said no and that he'd actually fallen over but it didn't hurt he was just trying to be cool and pretend it didn't. Kelly could tell it did then Morgan and Susie came and she went over screaming because she was so excited and said hi.
Well this was pretty short so I put the entire thing in a quote. And let's see if I can pick out the mistakes one by one and see how many you actually managed to make. And I'll tell you what you did correctly just to show you where you could have made this even worse. Well the first thing that I notice is that it does actually have a plot that makes sense. I feel like you could have really messed things up if you went with a plot that no one could quite understand and here I got it on the first read through which means it isn't confusing enough. And being completely honest the pacing is clearly rushed but not too clunky. To really make it horrifying you could have varied that a bit and made it just beat in a completely wrong direction instead of having it be kinda understandable.
Then we move to the formatting. I see a lack of paragraphs which is nice and exactly what you need to see in order to achieve this and I believe a couple of missing spaces also does a wonderful job. The rushed descriptions also I believe serves your purpose. However all the punctuation appears to be correct and you definitely make that a lot worse.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall not much left to say...I guess its bad like it should be but not as bad as it could be. I hope you won...I'm too lazy to go check the results although they should totally be out at this point.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
You'll deffinitely win!
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
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