Hands

Hello there, AustereMelodies! I'm strwbrryyy and I'm here to write a review for your work. Rolling on!

First of all, I was amazed. You know why? It is because, I love repetitions from poetry like this very much! It's just my opinion though. Maybe others might hate it but, here's what I want you to know, I really love the idea of repetitions. I just love it, you know! Now, don't laugh at me. I'm crazy and weird and, and, and friendly.

I'll make it on a more serious note this time.

"Dead hands.

Dead hands rotting.

Dead hands rotting in the dark

With no one left to blame."

Full of emotions, my friend. That's what I love about writing. It's giving us the chance to dig deeper upon every words that we're constructing. If there's a great effect on the writer, there will also be a great effect on the readers, and that's what you did.

It's great to have the chance to read your work and have some review thing about it. Hope you appreciate it as much as I appreciate your poem. Love it!

-strwbrryyy

Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!

First, I really liked the flow to this poem. It had a rhythmic quality that was just really nice so great job on that! I also liked how you personified the hands, that was a nice touch.

Now on to the nit-picks.

First, this poem didn't seem to serve much of a purpose. I didn't really understand what your poem was trying to accomplish. It seemed like it was a person's life from childhood to death, but it was a bit confusing. Also, I would like to see more connection between the hands and their actions. The last stanza was fine, but there were some that I didn't really understand the connection. In the first stanza, you said the small hands were reaching to ease the pain. Why were they in pain? I generally associate small hands with children and innocence, so I didn't really understand. You should make the actions more clear so the reader will know why each set of hands is doing that specific thing, because otherwise it can be difficult to see a connection.

The next thing I wanted to point out is that your word choice was a bit weak. This poem felt a bit flat with the simplistic verbs. You should use more powerful verbs to make your poem stronger and more vivid. For example, "rough hands screaming" was rather mediocre. Try strengthening it up some, add some imagery and show off some mad vocabulary skills.

That's all I have for you. Overall, this was a nice poem, but it has the potential to be an even better poem. You clearly have talent, you just need to fine-tune your skills a little. Keep writing and have a wonderful review day!

Hi there!

I like the rhythmic quality, like I could fall asleep to it around a campfire, or dance to it.

I wanted more connection between the hands and the last lines within each stanza. Like, how do "rough" hands relate to fire? How do "long" hands relate to shame?

I think you could search around for some more powerful, unexpected verbs. Screaming, rotting, pushing, crying, shaking, reaching... these are a little mundane. Verbs are where it's at! They've got the power!

Like I said, it's got a lovely sing-song lilt to it, but I want the meaning, and particularly the emotion or thought it's supposed to evoke or highlight, to be a little more evident.

Keep writing!

-BFG

Hi AustereMelodies, Felistia here with a review on your poem.

First I really like the continuous rhyming here (Blame, Flame, Shame,) It is very fun to read and helps the poem flow really well. I didn't even notice it until the second read. The opening part ( I am not sure what else to call it) is a really good hook for the start of the poem.

I do have some little nit-picks though.

In the part
(Long hands.

Long hands crying.

Long hands crying in open

Without any shame.)

and

(Rough hands.

Rough hands screaming.

Rough hands screaming from the touch

Of a burning flame.)

These parts don't really make sense to me. They are hands, so technically they can't cry or scream, but that is just my opinion. The rest of the poem is beautiful and very creative. Well done and I look forward to more of your work. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.