Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite an interesting read here, its definitely not something I've seen in a story before...and well more details below...

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hi I am a 16 year old girl who is confused about one subject and that subject is life and everything in it. What's the point of it? Why are we here?

Life consists of love romance, pain, regret and every once in while we experience happiness. But what is happiness? Is it when you find 5 bucks of the ground? When you finally kiss that person who you have been dreaming about kissing? When you get a job you have been hoping for? A good grade on a test? What is happiness? I believe everyone finds happiness in a different way; some money, some fame, some pleasure and some just spending time with someone but for me it's nothing. I enjoy nothing more then just sitting in my room on my iPad reading or watching old shit on Netflix. Now your probably thinking Im one of those loser loner people who everyone thinks I'm gonna have a shoot out at my school but sorry you're wrong. I was a cheerleader and basketball player my friends and boys think I'm perfect or at least that's what they tell me, but I don't believe it. Have you ever looked in the mirror and just cry? Well that's how I start off almost every morning of my life. I don't like what I see; I don't like the shaped of my nose or the freckles on it, the color of my skin, the shape of my cheek bones, my stupid chin, my gross washed out hair color and last but not least my hopeless eyebrows. Just one day I want to look in the mirror and love what I see but I guess that's part of life because if you love yourself your considered cocky but if you hate yourself your apparently a depressed suicidal freak. I don't consider my self a freak but I am very depressed person and have thoughts about killing myself. But I just tell myself wait and see how tomorrow goes and that has apparently been working for me because I am still here and I have made it my mission to wing life and just have fun. And one day I will stumble upon to why we are here and the purpose of life because like everyone says there's only one of you and you are original so make your life the best it can be and make it the most original you you can make it out to be.

AuroraBlaze, I wave hello and welcome you! I encourage you to keep posting...if you have enough points, that is. XD

The reason I clicked on this was the title. While it was one of the subjects that interested me dearly, I also noticed the title was greatly deformed. You need to capitalize every word, every single one. You can't escape the wrath...if there is one. I'm just full of ifs, aren't I? I scanned over this work, which is instantly what I do when I read a piece, and gasped. No literary post should be terrified like this. Cut the sentences! Okay, I just typed that with emphasis. You sound like a loquacious person, trying to get your words out all in the same time, in a foolish attempt. Meaningless, for curt people. I'll click back, not, since I'm talkative too.

1) Write out the number. 2) "Of" should be "on".

"Is it when you find 5 bucks of the ground?"

1. "Your" should be "you're". 2. Comma after "school". And after "sorry". 3. Semicolon after "player". 4. "Shaped" should probably be "shape". 5. Again, "your" should be "you're".
"Now your probably thinking Im one of those loser loner people who everyone thinks I'm gonna have a shoot out at my school but sorry you're wrong. I was a cheerleader and basketball player my friends and boys think I'm perfect or at least that's what they tell me, but I don't believe it. Have you ever looked in the mirror and just cry? Well that's how I start off almost every morning of my life. I don't like what I see; I don't like the shaped of my nose or the freckles on it, the color of my skin, the shape of my cheek bones, my stupid chin, my gross washed out hair color and last but not least my hopeless eyebrows. Just one day I want to look in the mirror and love what I see but I guess that's part of life because if you love yourself your considered cocky but if you hate yourself your apparently a depressed suicidal freak. I don't consider my self a freak but I am very depressed person and have thoughts about killing myself. But I just tell myself wait and see how tomorrow goes and that has apparently been working for me because I am still here and I have made it my mission to wing life and just have fun. And one day I will stumble upon to why we are here and the purpose of life because like everyone says there's only one of you and you are original so make your life the best it can be and make it the most original you you can make it out to be."

Your ending was nice, and it overall was messy but good. Keep writing 4eva, AuroraBlaze!

Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Well first off, I think you have an idea here, that I like. Even though, some parts I can disagree with, I still find myself liking it. For instance, I hate dressing up, because I feel like it's not me, and I think you were alluding towards this a little. You don't like what you see in the mirror, because people can and will judge you off of that. That' something I can understand and relate too somewhat.

Being somebody who everybody thinks is going to commit suicide or pull out a gun, doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just means that people don't understand you, or that they are seeing things about you that aren't necessary true. For instance, I myself, have always been thought of as an introvert, so I can't really compare to you being a popularish sort of person. But I do think that there is something to being thought of as strange, or suicidal. Being thought of as suicidal is definitely not good, but that doesn't necessarily bad. It just means your life might be harder than others, or people don't understand you completely.

I believe everyone finds happiness in a different way; some money, some fame, some pleasure and some just spending time with someone but for me it's nothing

Just one day I want to look in the mirror and love what I see but I guess that's part of life because if you love yourself your considered cocky but if you hate yourself your apparently a depressed suicidal freak.

Happiness?
One of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, said in many of his speeches about his uncle and his main grippe: that people seldom realize when they are happy or even in a good mood, but people always seem to only acknowledge their gloomy moments.
I will tell you what he has told that helped countless readers: "I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

Being 16 can be one of the best moments and some of the worst. There are so many social pressures inside high school. But, you will learn some of your most beautiful stories can come from it. Beautiful even if it was a horrible experience. The fact that you will live through those "high school" moments, you should feel somewhat glad about.

Why am I happy?
I'm not actually, but there are hella moments and all those decisions I have made were all in favor of not trying to be happy but merely living a life. And, as Frost said, "and that has made all the difference."

I think that this piece has a really interesting message. Everyone has, at some point in their life, wondered what the point of it all is. I like the way you've given us your story. There are a couple of grammatical errors in the piece but, I think that they've been picked up by the reviewer below so I won't give you a list of them.
The past where you're telling us about how you don't like what you see is also very interesting. I'm not sure how many people genuinely like everything about them.
One thing I am going to say is that it's not really a short story; it's more like a blog post. I think that, if you want to write this sort of thing, you should put it on a blog where it would make more sense rather than titling it as a short story.
I really like this piece and all the emotions which come with it.

Welcome to YWS, I'm alliyah here to review your piece. This is an interesting piece, it seems more like a journal entry or essay than a short story though. A short story normally has more than one character and some sort of plot.

Grammar/Wording
Caught a few grammar issues:

"Is it when you find 5 bucks of the ground?"

"When you finally kiss that person who you have been dreaming about kissing? "

" I believe everyone finds happiness in a different way; some money, some fame, some pleasure and some just spending time with someone but for me it's nothing. I enjoy nothing more then just sitting in my room on my iPad reading or watching old shit on Netflix. "

"Now your probably thinking Im one of those loser loner people "

"I don't consider my self a freak but I am very depressed person"

Love it.

Just fix the two you's in the last sentence.