A new Road

Good day, Aunna,

This wasn't bad, but I felt that you lingered too long on one idea before moving on to the next. You pretty much stated that the person needs to move on because the past in this place is troubled or whatevernot-- instead of using this to propel the poem forward, I felt that this was pretty much staying in one spot when it really could have gone places.

To remedy this, I would recommend cutting out narratives, especially "You dragged me here" -- pointing fingers in literature seldom works well unless the story calls for it, but here, especially not. It sounds too blame-y, and you want us to see the fault and the fall out, but you don't need us to choke on so much narration.

I believe that you tried to follow a rhyme scheme in this, and it's very light. I would say to disregard it, because poetry is not about the rhyme or the rhythm or any of that. Who can say for certain what it's about, I don't know, but I do know that in a lot of poems it is better to disregard traditional methods and drive your own route.

I would take a minute to revise this. Make your images cleaner, use a little bit more metaphorical language and try to make this sound interesting.

Best of luck,

June

Hi there
The things I'm not sure of I've put in bold and my comments and suggestions are in brackets.
The main dilemma is the lack of punctuation at the end of each line.

AunnaLea wrote:I’m giving up, I’m letting go
This life I have isn’t the one I chose
I’m moving forward, taking the first steps
I’m leaving you here with all my regrets
You’ve dragged me here and want me to stay
How can you want to live this way?
I’m haunted by my memories of the past
I need an escape and I need it fast
A second chance is waiting for me, this I know (this line is longer than the others and slows down the rythm of the poem, consider: "A second chance awaits, I know")
My winter is over and it’s time for me to grow (same as above)
A new road is waiting for me; (This is repetitive and implies something similar to "A second chance is waiting for me") it’s a path I need to take
And if I don’t take it now it might just be too late
It’s time for me to move on
Don’t look for me (insert a comma here) ‘cause I’m already gone