Why did you have to leave so soon
When you left you made so many feel so doomed
Why did God take you, why was he ready
When that would make so many others unsteady
Why did God take you
When no one was ready
Was it because God knew it was the best for you
Was it because God knew it was the best for my mother
No, God took you because your time had come
Everything is perfect and he has a perfect plan
Though sometimes it’s hard
To make it through
I know that my mother and I
Can always turn to you
Though it is hard to make it through
I know I can always look up
For when I look up, this is so very true,
I see Darcy with God telling the rest of the world
It’ll be alright
Though it’ll be hard
To make it through
I am always reminded
Through it all, you’ll be there
And though we are so far apart, I know someday soon
It’ll be my time to see you again
So I want everyone to remember
That one day soon, you’ll be leaving too
And like Darcy was missed
You will be too
Darcy, a mother who all her children held dear
Darcy, a mother figure for girls who had no connection to their own
Darcy, a wife who her husband loved like no other
Darcy, the one who made my mother cry so much
Author's Note: When Darcy died, July 13th 2016, my mother was not the same. She often wept, and at times lost hope. My mother thought she was alone, so I wrote her this poem, hoping that she remembers-even though life get’s hard, God’s love will always shine through the dark. So, mom, when you read this, I want you to remember, you have a family and a church full of people who love and care for you. So no matter how tough life gets you can always look to heaven and remember-Darcy is in heaven, rejoicing with God, she feels no pain, cries no tears, and will be happy all eternity long. So when you get lonely, look to heaven and you’ll see Darcy’s smile which means-I’m happy and healthy, but one thing’s not complete, I’m waiting for you to come join me, but while you wait-remember that God’s love is always perfect and the best for you and everyone else, too!
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Legacy here for a review.
I like this poem but it was very hard for me to read. As I was reading, the words started to blur together. The forced rhymes at the beginning and then no rhyme lost me along with no stanza breaks.
I would recommend adding stanza breaks where you feel like the poem changes topic a little bit or when there needs to be a little white space for the eye to get a small break. I would also suggest taking out the forced rhymes (because poetry doesn't have to always rhyme; it's just a spice).
Other than that, it's a decent poem that needs some work before it is on its final draft. Legacy out.
Hey there!
So, all-in-all, this shapes up to be a very promising piece with lots of emotion ju-UST beyond reach to me due to stilted mechanics and a bit of forced rhyme. Now, that's not to say it's unsuccessful because that would be untrue. You described Darcy's parting with heartfelt integrity and emotion, but there are ways to improve this that with which you'll be pleased; it'll just take some work.
Firstly, you need to, starting with this piece, learn to write from the content's sake first, the rhyme's last. Even meter will come before rhyme when adding extraneous mechanics because, essentially, that's what rhyme and meter are, although we're taught from a young age by Dr. Seuss and Silverstein that poetry is all about the rhyming. They're challenges. Added bonuses for flavor if the poet can manage to incorporate the poetic elements in order to unleash superb flow (meter) or connection between words (rhyme.)
As for the poem itself, it does get a bit muddled near the ending when you switch from speaking about Darcy to your mother to Darcy again--and for that I'd ask for some stanza breaks for clarity's sake. And that should wrap up the poem tidily.
A very nice showing. Thank you for sharing!
Lumi
Thanks, for the suggestions!
Hi,
I'm not here to review; when a piece has such a beautiful purpose as yours does, I cannot bring myself to.
I will say that the piece was moving and beautiful. Sometimes communicating such a loss results in a beauty reflecting that of the very person you lost.
What you did for your mother was a wonderful thing.
Continue to share your gifts with the world.
Gia
Thank you! That means more to me than you'll ever know!
Hello Harry here for a review
Lets start with the good things, this is on point and leaves you crying afterwards. Death happens to life everyday and people take it hard, this poem helps people see the good and the bad that comes out of death. I write a lot of poems about death and sadness but this about tops the best read so far, you did a good job with stanzas. I also like how you capitalized all the first letters on the left side, some writers don't do this but it is a great thing to do. The authors note in the end is a good twist but not really necessary, I don't think that I have much to say about the bad other then try to make more words rhyme. But this is just a suggestion and you don't have to take it. It also keeps the reader wondering who Darcy is, in this sentence:
I know that my mother and I
Can always turn to you
and then this one towards the end:
Darcy, a mother who all her children held dear
Says that she was someones mother but she wasn't yours, just a suggestion but maybe add a little and say who Darcy is in relation or friend to your mother or you.
Other than those it is a great poem and keep writing friend!
Heya Aubrey! Saruka here to leave a hopefully helpful review on your poem!
Since you wrote 'so' earlier in the sentence, I felt that another 'so' may fit right in between 'feel' and 'doomed' also.
You can take the 'else' out if you want to.
You can merge this together in one line if you want.
I feel like this would be better if you dropped 'no connection' and replaced it with 'none'.
And that's it. I encouraged you to post this for a reason, I thought it was beautiful. It's really deep and that's what makes a good poem. Keep writing!
Saru
I wrote no connection because she was my mother figure when my mom and I weren't on good terms. Thanks for all of your help!