Published August 3, 2011
This is about give or take three years old. Wrote it I guess when I was heavily under the influence of Blue Oyster Cult.
And yes I realize this is bad lol, but it's where I started.
Last night alive.
Feel yourself fading away.
Blind walk into the black.
Fall forever [don't] look back.
Taken by darkness held by [fear].
[The] ties that bind you, can't you feel it?
The [reaper] is near.
Hold fast to hope.
Yup, that was a poop poem by fifteen year old me. 
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Hey there, Atticus. I'm TSM and I am here to dump harsh judgement on you. Let's first keep in mind that your 'Blue Oyster Cult' influence means squat to me, so I'm looking at this poem exactly as I see it (okay, that makes no sense). Anyhow, my first comment on the poem itself is in regard of the brackets. Most of the lines has a word in brackets, and I don't really understand why. I mean, does it represent some sort of special effect? Are you supposed to whisper the word or something like that? I also noticed that each line ends with a period (except one), which turns them into sentence fragments. Normally, it' okay to have a couple of sentence fragments, but in this case it's not, because they shouldn't be that way. You might want to try commas... This is how I would correct your poem:
Now, I might just be wasting my time here. Maybe you intended to write this poem exactly as you did, and these fragments and brackets mean something to you. As your reader, they mean absolutely nothing but strange punctuation to me. Over all, I do like the message this poem expresses; it's straight-forward, easy to understand, and exactly how you would expect it to be. I suppose my favorite line is
One last thing before I'm finished: the part "the ties that bind you, can't you feel it?" seems awkward to me, and I'm not totally sure if what I think it means is what it actually means.
With that --
TSM
Hah! Thank you!
And when I was fifteen I was oblivious that rhyme scheme even existed. So it was just mumbo jumbo, appreciate the review.
Hey,
I'm not sure whether you wanted a review on this, considering you heavily insulted it, but it's not that bad! I like the secret stanza idea, it's unique and new. However, I feel as if the lines do not connect much. As I was reading them, it was as if they were separate thoughts, instead of a poem. I also didn't like the rhyme scheme, it was weird and off. I think it's ABCCBDDE which is really awkward and has no set rhythm. I suggest either unifying the rhymes or taking them out completely. It's a short poem, so there isn't much to say, but overall, I liked it, the message was pretty clear and the few mistakes you had could be fixed easily.
Grade: B-
If you have any questions, PM me.
~jas