E - Everyone

*Untitled* Chapter One

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A/N:Oh look, an overused post-apocalyptic story. This is something new to me, as I usually don’t write this kind of stuff. It also has a lighter, less serious tone than what I usually write with. I probably won’t continue posting any more chapters or the prologue. Feel free to tear this apart, as this is really just me experimenting with a new style. (The characters are based off of real people. This is dedicated to an old friend I once had… Somebody with a morbid curiosity of the undead.)

I leaped out of the car with a frustrated sigh. God, this dress was killing me. I hated this. The stupid makeup, the absurd dress, the uncomfortable shoes… I wanted my night to be over with.

I noticed my mother driving away, and I was secretly hoping that she would come to pick me up early. I watched as the sun set, the yellow glow disappearing under the silhouettes of the trees. Night was quickly approaching us. The thought of being alone out here in the darkness made my blood run cold.

“Hey!”

I turned my head and saw my dear friend standing amongst the empty parking lot. “Hi, Pan!” I exclaimed, running over to greet him.

“You better not run,” Pan laughed, “you’ll trip in those shoes.”

Oh yeah, I’m running in a dress and uncomfortable shoes. This isn’t the best idea.

“I’ve never seen you look that fancy,” I replied as I approached him.

Pan adjusted the fake rose clipped to his shirt and tightened his black tie. “Thank you, Kay. Come on, we should get in there before it’s completely dark.”

I followed my friend into the small building. Upon entering, we were greeted by a teacher. She stood next to a makeshift sign that read: EIGHTH GRADE PROM.

Yes, it was the night of the prom. The night that every girly girl and testosterone-filled boy was looking forward to since they had set foot in the middle school. Some might even call it our last hoorah before we part ways and enter high school.

Some even said that this might be the last time we have fun with our friends. How crazy is that? No matter what, I had planned on staying with my two best friends all the way through high school. Nothing could break apart our bonds.

“Kay!”

Standing in the lobby was Sal. Her scarlet dress stood out amongst the white table cloths and clear lights that decorated the room. She stood motionless, a smile spread across her face and her hair in braids.

“You look beautiful, Sal,” Pan said rather dreamily. Sal and Pan came to each other and locked their hands.

Oh, I would never understand young love. I personally found it quite disgusting, but Pan and Sal’s relationship was okay.

I followed the two lovers into the “dance room.” Basically a darkened room with an iHome and chairs to sit in. Kind of generic if you ask me. I mean, who owns an iHome in the year 2021?

I took a seat in the so-called dance room. A slow song came on, and every couple flocked to the center of the large room. I tried crossing my legs, but then remembered what my mother said about “sitting like a girl.” Besides, it was almost impossible to cross my legs in a dress like this.

I turned my head and saw a redneck sitting a few seats down. He flashed me a smile, and once I saw his missing front tooth I hissed, “I’m not dancing with you.”

Gosh, Kay, that was rather rude, my mind seemed to tell me.

I yawned. After about ten minutes of being at the prom, I was dreadfully bored. When would this song end? All I wanted to do was do the chicken dance with Sal and Pan and laugh about it later.

Suddenly, I turned my head and eyed the lobby. Sitting on those white tables were boxes of cookies, candy, and a cooler filled with soda. The teacher standing in front of the door was gone.

The cookies enticed me. I wanted those snickerdoodles… Surely Sal and Pan won’t mind if I slip off for a few minutes.

While the stupid slow love song continued to play, I slowly arose from my seat and headed into the empty lobby.

As I shoved cookies into my mouth and was about to grab a soda from the cooler, I heard something. My heart sank and I glared out the window in front of me. It was completely dark and I didn’t see anything.

I slowly turned around. At the door stood a person. Perhaps a teacher locked the doors and this student can’t get in, I wondered.

Curiously, I made my way up to the glass double doors. I placed my hand on the handle, about to open the door for the student when-

It threw its body to the door, landing on the glass with a thud. I caught sight of its rotting flesh and exposed bones. And for a split second, its colorless eyes exchanged glances with mine.

“ZOMBIE!!!” I screamed, running for the dance room. The students ceased their dancing and turned their attention towards me.

I felt a hand touch my back, and I shakily spun around.

“Kay,” a teacher addressed me calmly, “you thought you saw a zombie?”

“I know I did!” I shivered, my heart still racing from the encounter. “Right outside the door!”

“Now Kay… You know that you have eye problems and see things sometimes-“

“If you don’t believe me, go look yourself!” I interrupted her.

As the teacher walked away, I tried to calm myself down. Yeah, I do have vision problems. Sometimes I get large floaters and think I see things in real life. And because of that, nobody believes me when I say I saw something. But I know that wasn’t a fatty acid cell crossing my line of sight. It was all too real.

“Kay!” I heard Sal proclaim. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I swallowed hard.

“Did you really see a zombie?” Pan asked, curiosity burning in his brown eyes.

Before I could even respond, a shriek echoed throughout the building. I ran to the lobby with Sal and Pan trailing behind.

Broken glass and blood was scattered on the grey tiled flooring. A whole pack of the undead was flocked around the teacher… The dead teacher, that is.

“They killed Mrs. Dee!” Sal exclaimed.

The pack looked up. That same zombie I saw at the door glared at me, its gaze staring into my soul. It knew that I was the human that ran from it. It opened its broken jaw and let out a scary hiss.

The pack leapt at us, and I kicked off my shoes and ran. Pan grabbed Sal’s hand and ran with me.

“Where are we going?” Sal asked, panic in her voice. “They’re at the front door…”

“There’s a back door, isn’t there?” I asked, looking at Pan.

“Yeah, there’s an emergency exit door across from the dance floor.”

I stopped dead in my tracks when a zombie bolted in front of me. It loomed over the three of us and hissed again. A shiver ran down my spine, and I turned around and began to run for the front door again.

“We’re trapped!”

The pack had us surrounded. It wasn’t just Sal, Pan, and I either. A whole group of scared and confused students huddled together, crying and screaming for help.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. We were hopelessly trapped with certain death awaiting. Beads of sweat poured down my forehead and tears streamed down my cheeks as I thought, God, is this the end?

I felt Pan take my hand. I glanced at his tear stained face and then turned down to see Sal sitting in a fetal position at my feet.

I exhaled, thinking about how that that could have been my last breath before we all became zombie food.

But to my surprise, it wasn’t.

The sound of bullets shook us all, and I watched in amazement as a bullet zipped through a zombie’s decaying skull.

Police officers approached us. “Get out of here!” they shouted.

Once we were back in the parking lot, I embraced my two friends.

“I can’t believe we made it out of there,” Sal whispered as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

I looked over and saw Mrs. Dee’s mutilated body being carried out on a gurney. “We’re the fortunate ones,” I said.

“Are you three okay?” a police officer asked as he approached us.

We nodded in unison.

“Did you kill all of those zombies?” I asked. Terrifying images of that one particular thing haunted my mind.

The officer nodded reassuringly. “We killed them dead. Well, now they’re dead again, haha.”

The flashing lights of the police cars and ambulances lit up the night sky. The little community center was now a ransacked, bloody mess. A teacher and two students had been brutally murdered.

All of that happened, yet my friends and I somehow managed to make it out alive and well. The world after the zombie Outbreak was a scary place. And as we get older, it gets scarier.

I looked at Sal and Pan with a half-smile. Middle school may have ended that night, but our adventures would continue.

“I wonder if high school prom will be like this!” Sal laughed.

“High school,” Pan sighed. “It sounds even scarier than living through the apocalypse again!"

Boy, would he soon be right.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Though I do think that this is definitely an overused genre, I think you did extremely well writing this. However, there are a few things you can fix, or at least, in my opinion.

I understand that the character is bored and she doesn't seem to really like the whole "prom" and "dressing up" idea. However, I can't see someone sitting down and just waiting. Maybe she should pull out her phone, or introduce us to some new technology since this in the future.

I agree with TheUnknownWriter on this, for they brought it up-the whole attack is a little bit rushed. I feel like there should maybe be more descriptive writing of what the zombies look like. I also think that the police officer needs to seem more shocked, because he seems to take it naturally (unless that's what you were planning, and if it is, then just keep it.)

Rather than that, I really enjoyed it. The main character seemed different from most of the ones you'd see in an apocalyptic-themed story, such as the characters that are usually introduced as being 'hardcore' and 'tough,' so I think you did great on the overall character development, but you might want to add more about Sal.

This is great and even if you don't continue posting it to YWS, you should totally keep writing it!
~Prez. T

Thank you for the review!
The police officers are supposed to take it naturally, because for them zombies are an every day occurrence. :)
I believe I will continue posting this story to YWS, because I didn't think it would generate much interest but obviously it has.
Once again thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it!! :)

No problem! Thank you for taking the time to post this to YWS!

Although this is a overused genre, it was a good start. Like what TheFlamingonator said, I agree that this was a cliche start but this sounded different than the rest :) I'm a fan of this genre and after reading it I agree with what you explained in the author's note. It does have a much lighter tone than I'm used to.

Suggestions:
The part when the zombies attack was sort of rushed. You could give little details like: how fast the zombies were, a series of teachers/students being bitten- sorry I'm really into gore XD To be more visually descriptive you could describe the appearance of the zombies and what not.
Since it's in first person you could give more of her thoughts and emotions so the reader could connect to the characters better.

"The sound of bullets shook us all, and I watched in amazement as a bullet zipped through a zombie’s decaying skull."
This line seemed too abrupt and the police "coming to the rescue" was too convenient for me- again, I like seeing gore haha.

Other than what I said, it was well-written. I would have liked to see more of the morbid side I'm interested into reading more :)
Keep Writing! :D

Thanks for the review! I greatly appreciate it! :)
Yes, I admit this is pretty rushed. I may go back and add some "meat" to it.
I don't know if I'll continue posting this here on YWS or not, but if I do, there will be gore and blood and... stuff. :D

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Squidgy Review

Hey there c: Kirah here to give a review.

I agree with the other reviewer. If you really think about it, everything is cliche or has already been done. It all depends on how you execute it :P I thought you wrote this quite well, though. The narration and character descriptions were written pretty well; you didn't give us too much information or too little. I personally felt like it was the perfect balance ^-^

I do have some things to complain about (I'm sorry :c), which are mostly about your word choices. The first one is your use of the word 'amongst'. I would've ignored it if it just happened once, but I saw that it was a reoccurring mistake, so I figured I might as well tell you so you don't do it again :P I'll pull an example from the text:

I turned my head and saw my dear friend standing amongst the empty parking lot.


Amongst basically means "surrounded by". So in this sentence, you're telling us "I turned my head and saw my dear friend standing surrounded by the empty parking lot." It sounds a little choppy, doesn't it? You don't have to use big words to make your story sound better. Simply using 'in' would've done the trick :P
If you substitute the word with the actual meaning, it'll help eliminate mistakes like these.

“Now Kay… You know that you have eye problems and see things sometimes-“

“If you don’t believe me, go look yourself!” I interrupted her.

Sorry if this is a little petty, but we already know Kay interrupted her by the dash in her speech. Saying 'I interrupted her' is redundant.

Lastly, you switched your tenses throughout the piece from time to time. Keeping your tenses consistent calls for better readability. Now I understand that at some points, a tense switch is needed. This can't be the case all the time, though. If you read through it carefully (reading out loud also helps a lot with this), you can bring down that problem c:

Other than the three errors I mentioned above, I really enjoyed this piece. I don't know if I should go to my prom now; what if I spot a zombie? Maybe I should hide a chainsaw in my purse just in case c;

Thanks a lot for the review! I really appreciate it! :)
And yes, I know this is cliche. But it's just an experiment, so it's not like I'm going to try to publish this in a market made up with so many post apocalyptic books. XD
Yeah I'm not very used to writing in first person, so I do need to work on the verb tenses. Thanks for pointing out these mistakes, now I know what to work on soon. :D
You might want to bring a really big purse to put that chainsaw in!

Interesting title ;)

It is true, the cliche of a zombie outbreak during prom is overused, but in a way, each story is still different. I liked this one, I did not quite follow it that well, but I'd be interested in reading more of it or even the whole story about it if you ever do write it.

The timeline is a bit squiggly though: was the Outbreak before or after this night? I am a bit confused.

Otherwise, great writing, keep up the good work :)

Haha I couldn't think of a title.
And yes, it's after the Outbreak (the apocalypse, or at least that's what they call it).
I don't know if I'll continue it. Maybe if it gets enough interest. :)
Thank you for the review! I appreciate it greatly!



Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious.
— Kathryn Stockett, The Help