Reason Number One: Nate is being completely irrational (is that the right word?) by being afraid of it. I mean, come on Nate, you're not four anymore. You're 32 years old. There are no monsters under your bed.
Reason Number Two: Because trends conclude to tampons.
Reason Number Three: Because Nate will die of being so scared of everything because everyone is making him so scared! Lampposts are immortal and tampons are now scary! The Apocalypse is here!
Reason Number Four: Nate is now afraid of fear it self and fear is really scary because fear includes everything? So Nate fears everything so he'll probably explode!
Reason Number Five: Pads are his only friend. And people happen to look at him, then at his hand, when he's buying more friends from the store and sees he has no wife! Then he has even less friends!
Reason Number Six: Because the answer to the universe is 42 and Stephen Hawking couldn't figure out the equation but some mice did.
Reason Number Seven: The website he made is probably going to outlive him and look at the creatures inhabiting it! They made this trend and therefore they're sadistic!
Reason Number Eight: We Ywsers somehow know what Nate's truest fears are and we can read his mind even when he's wondering after a fart if it was just a fart or a little came out.
Reason Number Nine: Maybe the Matrix is real because the Sims are living in the Matrix but we're also living in the Matrix and the Deer-Lords above us are also being controlled by the Moose-Lords!
Reason Number Ten: Because the number ten is not the number eleven.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey Atsmai,
Nice to see you're writing! Welcome to Review Day where everyone tears apart everything. I like how you're trying to play off of the idea that there really isn't a main point why Nate is afraid of things, but that it is just random things that people are saying and somehow getting that into the literary spotlight because of humor. I do think you have room for improvement here though.
The main way this could improve is to be a bit less non-sequitur and giving us things which build off of one another to be funny. Right now it seems like nothing really connects together which makes the piece as a whole unmemorable. I couldn't list three of the numbers after I finished reading it because I didn't have any way to go from point one to point ten with the other one in mind. Instead, the points are all just a mishmash of ideas strewn together with a number system.
To make this more memorable, try instead to write it so that they have to be in the order you presented them in or it wouldn't make sense. The best way to do that is to relate them back to one another in a way that the reader won't notice until they reach the tenth point which will then create a chain of Ahhh moments where the reader wants to go back and read it all again. These can also be super amusing as well so I think it'll be right up your ballpark of a way to play with the language.
I hope this helps!
Aley.
Hello, Atsmai, my friend! It's Artemis28 here. Happy Happy Review Day to you!
So first, I want to give you some praise. All of these ten reasons are so random and just weird that it's completely hilarious. You make me laugh on all of these, and I love it. Good job on that.
Now, some nitpicks. In reason number one, you say, and I quote, "(is that the right word?)". Well, I mean, yeah, it is. But you don't have to say that to the reader. Unless, of course, it's intentional. In that case, you must do it. I command you to. >:]
At reason number four here, there are two nitpicks I want to tell you about. "It self" shouldn't have a space and the sentence shouldn't end in a question mark. Just a little grammatical stuff.
"Nate is now afraid of fear it self and fear is really scary because fear includes everything?"
Quick correction: In reason number eight you should capitalize the YWS in YWSers.
The last two were absolutely perfect. XD
Overall, this is really funny. You did this one really well, and I applaud you for that. Good job and keep writing, Atsmai!
-Artemis28
What is this xD
Has Deer Lord returned to YWS?
Yes. Be afraid.
Were you there when I was doing a chat rampage: Deer Lord versus Fanfar Lord of Flame
UNORIGINAL
yeee, kiddingNo, it is the truth
Dirty knees, cloudy skies and then this.
Yep