Published February 23, 2011
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
This is an unusual idea you have here.
The last line is a lbit confusing, what is beautiful? The actor? You've done something interesting here. It looks as though the first line goes together with the third one, and the second with the last one. Am I right?
This is my favourite stanza:
And the ending was pretty good as well. I expected to read about the concept that actors can not fall in love, since they act not only on stage and they might act on their real life as well, that they can't delimit real life from what they actually play on stage. Could have been interesting if you described this concept as well.
Nonetheless, good poem!
This was a very sweet poem I think. I feel as though the two other reviewers above me have beat me to the punch when it comes to critiques for room for improvement.
But I will point out this little flaw:
Was this suppose to be in tune? I feel as if it were. But maybe I am wrong. If I am, I think you should maybe consider changing it anyway. It fits a lot clearer. But other than that, Great work! Keep it up.
Hello there i am here for the review.
What are you talking about over here i could not understand. What is they over here? Auditions? Young actor? What?Well, you have a good piece here but your poem was a bit on the predictable side. Some of the rhymes were totally forced and that is not good for a poem because it ruptures the flow of the poem and gives a negative thought of the poem to the reader so you should try working on it.
I shall give you some nitpicks but it is totally inappropriate because the previous reviewer was Kafka and he never ever leaves anything for the others. xD
Why is it surprising? And if you will be missing him then why is this love a waste of your youth? Confused!!
And if the love was a waste of time then why will you be waiting for him until the next season? You are one confused person!!
Keep writing.
Good stuff. Keep writing.
-Kafka