Published March 11, 2006
this was a quick one, and its not my best. it was one of those, out of my head moments i plotted onto word.
I crave for hope in
your arms and its
subliminal meaning
Your moulded corpse
of clustered feelings
intertwined with mine.
What is the meaning
of your flatulence, as
I draw closer?
Do you feel what I
feel when our
bodies collide?
Or when you depart
do you no longer think
of my existence?
Behold what we held
and leave the
true meaning behind
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141,411 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
ok, your vocabulary is outstanding. now, to build on that, you did hold my attention. another important point of poetry - rhythm. you need it...and it's not really here. well, barely, but i don't feel it is intentional. otherwise, i actually can feel for your poetry and i don't mind how you took something small and transformed it into a mesh of meanings, as it is with everythign in this life.
What is the meaning
of your flatulence, as
I draw closer?
STINKY
I didn't really like the rhythem of the poem
It was weird and that flatulence paragraph kind of threw it off from... lovely to ... not lovely.... not SO lovely anyway. Could have been much better though.... could have been more... and it WAS just a hug
Nice try.