E - Everyone

The Adventures of Darren Cassidy - Chapter Six, Part Five - Midweek Action

Fire danced from the Ponyta’s blazing mane to cover the rest of her body. Duncan had a second to prepare himself before he was tackled to the ground again, but it seemed it simply wasn’t enough. When Nicole swiftly made some distance between her and the fallen Drowzee and attempted to repeat her last move, however, it became clear that one second was all he had needed after all.

‘Nicole used Flame Charge!’ Leslie enthusiastically announced. ‘Her speed was raised! Duncan used Disable! Nicole’s Flame Charge cannot be used for some time!’

Minerva, who had been unaware of the Spearow’s arrival, started and shot him an angry glance, but Leslie had already hopped back to Tyler and Seamus’ fight, so he was oblivious. Darren merely smiled behind a paw.

‘You little Rattata!’ Nicole cried. ‘You never knew Disable before!’

She made to tackle Duncan again, but he had used her pause to fire off a psychic wave of confusion at her. She frowned a little, shook her head, and used Tackle on him anyway. That time, though, Duncan had steeled himself and was not knocked over.

‘That’s because I only recently got the hang of it.’

They repeated their respective attacks, but with Nicole going first. As an unexpected result, Duncan’s Confusion hit her with its full force.

‘Nicole used Tackle!’ Leslie announced, having hopped back to their fight. ‘Duncan used Confusion! Nicole became confused!’

‘Do you have to shout everything?’ Minerva asked, wincing. ‘It’s just the four – now five – of us.’

‘Maybe…’ Leslie grinned, winking and swapping fights again.

Minerva gave an exasperated sigh, but exclaimed when a small stream of fire hit her. ‘Watch the Embers, Nicole!’

‘Sorry! I’m just a little–’

Another wave of psychic energy hit the Ponyta in the face.

‘Seriously? We’re talking here!’

‘This is a fight,’ Duncan responded. ‘Chat with the spectators at your own risk, though that would be grounds for disqualification in an official battle.’

Nicole snorted and sprang at the Drowzee, who sidestepped the attack. He made his left fist her target instead, causing her to crash to the ground.

‘Nicole used Tackle, but she hurt herself in her confusion! Duncan used Pound!’

‘Did your mother never teach you not to hit a girl?’ Nicole asked, slurring her “you not” and “a girl”.

‘That’s never been a rule,’ Leslie stated firmly. ‘The Pokémon League would never endorse it, on grounds of being uncompetitive and gender-biased.’

‘Shut up, Leslie!’

‘I’m sure there’s a penalty for either verbally or physically assaulting the referee,’ he said, pulling a blue book from his bag and paging through it, ‘just give me a second to find it.’

Nicole glared at Leslie, but shifted her gaze to Duncan when another wave hit her. Duncan then touched both his index fingers to his temples, but instead of putting Nicole to sleep, her vision cleared. She then leapt forward, reared, and kicked Duncan in the face, knocking him out.

‘Duncan used Hypnosis, but it failed! Nicole’s confusion ended! She used the kick-variation of Tackle! Duncan is knocked out! Nicole wins!’

Nicole whinnied and pranced around the fallen Drowzee. ‘I told him I’d help him fall asleep, didn’t I? Anyway, you’re up next, Darren.’

The Electrike frowned. ‘Are you sure? Shouldn’t Minerva and I battle now so you can rest?’

‘Rest? Hah! Do you have any Berries on you, Minnie?’

‘Not for Pokémon who call me “Minnie”,’ Minerva replied stiffly.

‘And if I take it back?’

‘You can’t “unring” a bell. And this bell in particular is one you only ring to annoy me – deliberately.’

‘I’ll go easy on you during our battle…’ Nicole said, hoping to coax Minerva into obliging.

‘Fine, take the Berries! But be warned, I’m wiping the floor with you.’

After handing Nicole the Berries, she turned her back to her and began reading some book. (Darren didn’t even bother keeping track of Minerva’s reading material, since it changed too frequently. How she was either first or second in their classes and still managed to have enough free time to devour books was beyond him.)

‘Are you ready?’ Nicole asked after gobbling down the three Wiki Berries and one Lum Berry Minerva had given her.

‘I am now,’ Darren smirked. ‘Thanks for asking.’

Nicole began the battle with her signature Fire Charge, but Darren had expected as much, so he went Physical and leapt as well. (The plush toys had inspired him.) As a result, the two crashed into each other mid-air.

‘Darren used Quick Attack! Nicole used Flame Charge!’

‘That hurt, Darren!’ Nicole moaned.

‘That would be the point.’ Darren shook himself, the motion travelling from his head down his body. ‘Leslie, aren’t you supposed to be refereeing on the other side?’

‘After Tyler beat Seamus with an ironic Dragon Rage, Mr Kaori put him and Aiden up against each other. He’s refereeing.’

‘Ah.’

Nicole tackled Darren just after he completed his sentence and nimbly dashed away. He fired off an electric blast in response, and though she tried to avoid it, she could not.

‘Nicole used Tackle! Darren used Thunder Shock! Nicole is paralysed and may be unable to move!’

‘What? No, I’m not!’ the Ponyta objected.

‘The yellow arcs spinning in bands across your body indicate otherwise.’

‘I’ll show you!’

Show him she did indeed, for the next two times she tackled Darren, she showed no signs of being paralysed at all. Darren’s third Thunder Shock, however, proved to be the charm: he prepared for another impact, but Nicole simply frowned as her legs twitched.

‘Darren!’

‘Thank goodness… I’m not sure how many more hits I could have taken.’

Nicole tried to move, but failing at that, growled, ‘Don’t you dare!’ at Darren instead. He simply chuckled.

‘He’s going to use Charge Beam and knock you out after the third attack,’ Minerva predicated, ‘so I guess I’ll have to battle Duncan before I get to squash you. Sleep well.’ The Vulpix returned to her book, satisfied.

Charging his voltage at his leisure, Darren took a bit more time before attacking, and when he did, the power was increased too. As he felt the current of energy converge at his skin and leap towards the hapless Nicole, Darren also noticed that some of the electricity had remained behind. Realising what it meant, he quickly reabsorbed it.

‘Nicole used Growl! Darren grew less wary and had his Attack lowered. Darren used Charge Beam! His Special Attack was raised!’

Confident, Darren channelled even more power and waited a bit longer before releasing it. His confidence was not unfounded, for after being struck, Nicole gave a long sigh and collapsed, unconscious.

‘Nicole was paralysed couldn’t move! Darren used Charge Beam! Nicole was knocked unconscious! Darren wins!’

‘Only twice?’ Minerva said, raising her eyebrows. ‘Well done.’

She closed her book and carefully dropped a Lum Berry into the snoring Duncan’s mouth. The Drowzee woke with a smile, but a minute later, he fell to the floor, covered in burns. Minerva then repeated the process with her friend, but their battle lasted much longer, what with the unfavourable typing. Nevertheless, Minerva was a Tier Two fighter, whereas Nicole was Tier One, so the result was inevitable.

Darren was slightly nervous, though he didn’t show any of his apprehension. Of course, Aiden’s group were apparently done and just had to gather around to watch. Fortunately, Arceus showed mercy and let the bell ring just as the battle was to commence.

‘Saved by the bell,’ Minerva accurately pointed out.

‘Saved for now,’ Mr Kaori added. ‘Your battle will conclude the week on Zekday. You may go.’

***

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
EnderFlash
Review

Happy Holidays, Astral! There's no snow where I live (and there never has been or will be), but we have a brightly decorated Christmas tree and I'm listening to just about any good Christmas song I can find. I'm very efficient-using my winter break by playing video games.

It might be a good idea to vary your paragraph lengths a little more. Just like how seeing a chunk of words is intimidating, so is a widespread page of thin lines. Your dialogue is admirable, but it's time to balance it out with description so that things don't look too bare.

So I did get my battle. I'm pleased with the result... but since this is Pokemon and Pokemon is known for the battles, let's pick this apart a bit more. The narration is becoming of a Poke-battle, just like how the game says it or how Brock referees in the anime. However, just because this story's based off of a game that always makes sure to list every effect doesn't mean that you skimp on the action. Things happen fast, which is a good trait, but I'd like to see a little more of the moves and their effects. It's Pokemon, after all. There are opportunities for glory everywhere, and we won't always have Leslie to say everything.

---

The Obligatory Impressions!

1. PO-KE-MON-BA-TTLES! PO-KE-MON-BA-TTLES!

2. I'm guessing that students are prohibited from using certain moves in school, like Earthquake or Draco Meteor. This just excites me as to how some moves will be treated... Will Surf really call upon a giant wall of water? How exactly will HMs and TMs come into play? The hype is real.

3. So Duncan can stay awake. I was wondering if he was going to turn out to be some prodigy who only walks up in dire situations, haha. //I've been reading too much manga.

And so ends my review for today. Now, it's 12 PM and I need to wake up early tomorrow, so good night!

I was in the exact same boat, which is why this response is only made now. (Happy New Year!)

Comments:
1. Usually, I don't struggle with it, so this must be one of those occasional exceptions.
2. That is certainly true about Leslie not always being around, but honestly, these are Tier One moves, and they use the same ones the whole time. If I described it as you ask, then the later descriptions (since yes, there will be several more concerning the school students) would be boring.

Impressions:
1. XD
2. Err, if students could use moves like that, they wouldn't be in school anymore - they'd immediately be shipped off to Battle School. Alternatively, they could set out to become a Trainer immediately. No, moves like Earthquake and Draco Meteor are of a higher Tier (Four and Five, respectively), and since talented students of Darren's age can count themselves lucky to use Tier Two moves (the older students can go up to Tier Three, perhaps), Tiers Four and Five are miles beyond their capabilities. But I am delighted you are this excited. :D
3. Likely not. (Don't read too much manga and then apply it here. :P )

Quote myself: Onwards!

User avatar
Ventomology
Review

Finally... I made it... after baking cookies for five hours. I suppose I should get on with the review so I can catch up, no?

General Comments:

Adverbs, Hunter. I've said it before, I know, but you're slipping, especially in non-action areas.

This is a reasonable problem to have, since without adverbs, it can be hard to convey everyday things without making them sound overwhelmingly emotional. Plus, I admit I am somewhat harsh when it comes to adverbs. Just... watch how often you use them, please. One of the paragraphs had three adverbs in three sentences, and I did a lot of displeased squinting there.

Details:

1. Lovely opening sentence. A++

2. I am trying to figure out why Tyler's Dragon Rage is ironic. Have most of his classmates not seen his supposed temper?

3. I am so glad that you described electricity with something other than the word 'electricity.' However, I am also laughing because this happened in dialogue and not in the normal way. Very nice.

Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:

1. I see now that reading this chapter in its proper order would have cancelled that comment I made in 7.1 about not knowing the classmates well enough. Also, since the chapters are out of order in the sidebar, you may want to warn Tort about this section.

2. Leslie is great. The fact that he talks like the pokemon game battle dialogue makes him even more hilarious.

3. Fabulous ending, by the way. It adds just the right amount of anticipation.

I'm moving on to 7.2 next, so ta ta for now!
-Buggie

Salutations, Buggie! I promise I shall catch up during the coming week - for you, Tort, and Ender.

Comments
1. "One of the paragraphs had three adverbs in three sentences, and I did a lot of displeased squinting there." %u2190 While that is distressing and I know I keep saying I'll scale down on the adverbs (which I don't always successfully do, as this illustrates), it is also quite amusing to read. XD

Details
1. Aww, thanks. :D
2. Oh, you analysed it from a plot perspective. From a Battler's point of view, it makes no sense for Tyler to use Dragon Rage, since it's a Special move. Tyler's Attack is automatically higher than his Special Attack, so one would expect him to use more Physical attacks.
3. Thank you. (I tried.)

Impressions:
1. Yeah... I spent so much time rearranging my folder, simply to have it mean practically nothing for the sidebar. *sigh*
2. I used him like that specifically so the battle would be easier to follow. I'm glad you like him.
3. This chapter is definitely one of my best thus far.

And so too shall I move on!



"And the rest is rust and stardust."
— Vladimir Nabokov