Hullo! So I've not read the previous parts so if I say something which you think you've already covered, please feel free to ignore!
Specifics
1.
Everything always seemed more obvious when viewed with hindsight. Most of the time, that so-called “clarity” was a self-created illusion, for anyone could regard events in retrospect and identify clues which they neglected to notice, despite said clues not actually being clues at all, and simply a product of regret. (In fact, even a Psychic type would have missed hints of the non-existent variety.)
The kind of statements made here should be written in present tense, even if you're writing in past as they're still relevant to the character (unless that character is dead or no longer of this world and then past tense works). They're more general statements and those always sound awkward when made in past tense.
2.
Then again, sometimes there reallywereare hints to whatwouldwill happen in the future, in which case one simply has oneself to blame for not noticing them.
3.
Unfortunately, Psychics never seemedto like clarity much, so they’dtake all necessary measures to ensure you remain oblivious.
Again, unless psychics no longer exist in this world then a general statement like this should be present tense.
4.
And so, Darren Cassidy was blissfully unaware of the arrangements that were being made in the capital of the region, for those in charge were influential individuals indeed, and surely their goings-on could not possibly concern him directly (indirectly was much more likely, since they would not be so significantly influential if it did not). After all, Dalton Village was simply a convenient stop on the way to a more important destination, and never the destination itself. Nothing noteworthy would happen there, right?
I'd suggest dropping the sentence in brackets as it's not adding anything to the story and feels like over-statement.
Overall
To be honest, I didn't like all the background observations at the beginning of this- it made the chapter feel very slow to get started and there was no setting to imagine or characters to start to form an opinion of. I think in books which are filled with deep thinking or a strong narrative tone then that kind of opening can work well but for this kind of story, it would be more interesting if you launched straight into the meat of it or at least kept philosophical observations to a concise paragraph.
Once you get into the classroom scene, things get more interesting and it's maybe a little light on the description front but the dialogue and actions flow smoothly and a potion making class sounds fun. A few extra adjectives/ descriptions around the characters might help people who don't know a lot about Pokemon. Even just things like 'her voice was as heated as her skin' when talking about a Growlithe would help them not to feel lost at sea.
It was fun to read a chapter of this - best of luck with it!
~Heather
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