z

Young Writers Society



My Sunflower

by Astral


They say sunflowers can only grow in certain weather, like South Dakota. Warm, wet, and sunny but apparently, they can grow in miserable Michigan too. Because this boy, I swear. He is the embodiment of the sun. If he is the sun then I am the moon getting sucked into his gravity, not strong enough to pull away not big enough to be seen by him. Girls look at him with big eyes in hopes he may see one of us, but he sees nothing. He looks forward and saunters down the hall, blond hair pulled up into a low bun and his signature smile. They swoon and whisper, giggle and laugh but soon enough he’s down the hall and around the corner. It returns to night, with all the bright light gone, only left with mediocre smaller stars who dream to be as bright as him. My smile falls as he is gone, my sunflower, why must you never turn to see me? Who is your sun?

As I look away from the corner I end up staring into her eyes, who is she? Another admirer I’d guess as she’d been staring too. She gives a hesitant wave and a small smile is returned. Who is the girl with the corn-colored hair? The emerald eyes, pea-sized chest, and porcelain skin? Why does she look at me like that, is that how I look when I lose sight of the sun too? No, I squint to squeeze every last second I can get staring at him, she looks lost as if the light has blinded her. No matter, she finds her sight eventually and walks the other way, away from him and me. I wonder if he spared her a glance? Is that why she looked so lost and confused? Anyone could be blinded by his brilliance. No mind I forget about the starstruck girl as the ringing in my ear sounds signaling the next class.

Days drag on, and I see sunshine boy every day, he makes me smile even though he never sees me, and starry-eyed girl, as I’ve taken to calling her, is always thereafter he leaves. We exchange smiles and then go along with our day. Sunshine boy and starry-eyed girl, I realized a long time ago how beautiful they would look together. I want to be her, she is beautiful in this bland world, just like him. My dark brown curls could never compare to her corn-colored locks and piercing green eyes. Her body is much thinner than mine. She’s a beauty unto this world, aren’t you starry-eyed girl?

Short days turned longer as winter turned into spring. Warmth spread and jackets were somewhat shed, snow turned into puddles and life came back to the dreary land. New semester with new classes with old friends and even older teachers. The starry-eyed girl appeared in four of my classes. She no longer walked away from me after seeing sunflower boy, now turning man, instead, she walked next to me. First in comfortable silence then in silent whispers, soon conversation was easy, especially about sunshine boy who we both saw the light of. We now talked in whispers as he passed just like all the other girls, no longer just locking eyes when he leaves.

Time passes faster with her, I don’t know if I like that, I do however like her smile, and her laugh when she allows me to hear it, like a pixie singing. I like tracing her freckles and her knowledge of the stars. I realize I like to hold her hand and I enjoy singing horribly to songs in the kitchen as we make a cake. I like it when she doodles little drawings on her hands. I like her green eyes, which I’ve learned have specks of gold and lines of brown. She is no longer someone I envy, instead someone I can’t wait to see, someone I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about, she’s my best friend.

Life flies by, new memories are made, school comes to an end. I no longer see sunshine boy instead just the actual sun. But I do see a starry-eyed girl, we spend every minute together floating in the pool running in the grass laughing at videos. And slowly I start to not miss seeing sunshine boy, instead, I look forward to seeing her. Seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, listening to her tell jokes. Summer tumbled into late nights and complicated feelings. Sometimes early mornings and quiet words. Everything is going too slow but too fast at the same time, summer comes to a screeching Halt as school starts.

Senior year. My last year with the sunshine boy and starry-eyed girl. Things continued mostly the same as last year… he would walk by, we would stare and whisper, but I didn’t feel like whispering about him anymore, and once I stopped, so did she. Sunshine boy wasn’t full of light anymore, it was like I couldn’t find him no matter how bright he shined. I could only look at her, she was all I could see, my starry-eyed girl, will you look at me? And she did, she no longer stared at him, instead at me. As he would pass we didn’t look, instead, eyes were locked on each other and I could pick out each speck of gold, as soon as the ringing was heard, our eyes would leave each other and we would walk to class reluctantly.

Soon enough the daytime wasn’t my favorite time, instead the night where I could see the brilliant gold in her eyes and feel her breathing next to me, her thin arms wrapped around me. I enjoyed the night and the stars, no longer the sun. I could sit and stare at the solar system of her, a goddess among dreary-eyed men. How is it starry-eyed girl that you know so much? You really are out of this world.

School turns crazed and my days are spent less and less with her. Instead, life fills with new challenges but I am not a hero, just a mere mortal trying to get by. Midterms come fast and so do finals, not enough time but is there ever? One last week, I wish I could stop everything, I wish time would stand still and that I could stare at her forever. But time does not stop, instead as graduation approaches, we spend the last week together doing the things we had said we always wanted to. Slept where we could see the stars, screamed off a cliff, and lay together one last time.

How I wish I could kiss her. Her mouth, her smiles. I wish I could watch her forever. We talk late into the night, I stare at her and listen to her pixie laugh. And when I least expect, when I am bent over laughing so hard water starts in the corner of my eyes, she pulls my face up, starry-eyed girl looks at me, her eyes glistening like one thousand galaxy’s, she pulls me closer and Hesitantly our lips push together, a million fireworks go off, I feel like this is right. The way her small lips pull into a smile against mine and her hands run through my tangled hair. I know this is right. My lips push harder against hers, she smiles even bigger, and I know everything will be alright, won’t it starry-eyed girl? When we lost sight of the sun we turned to each other and realized that the only light we needed was each other's golden petals. As she pulls away and gasps air back into her lungs, I feel the waterfall down my cheeks and gather in piles on my shirt. She holds my face and stops the race of tears falling down my face. “I love you, my sunflower”


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Sat Dec 17, 2022 2:51 pm
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



I was looking in the Green Room for some romantic story, the I found this. This is really cute! I love how much you gave descriptions to the characters without even mentioning any name. Teenage love, how beautiful it can actually be and how this story tells me about it. The description of a "sunflower boy" and a "starry-eyed girl" seems nice. The last paragraph feels like your first kiss even if I've never experienced it before. How happy finding the love of your life would be and feel like. And I love the story of how two best friends falling in love with each other at the end.

I hope you have a good day. Stay safe and cozy. Merry Christmas!




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Wed Dec 29, 2021 1:41 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: As a big fan of fluffy pieces, this is something I really enjoyed reading. It started out like so many other such stories, but immediately its tone was different and then the way it progressed there was just beautiful to read here. This is a lovely little story that you've put together here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

They say sunflowers can only grow in certain weather, like South Dakota. Warm, wet, and sunny but apparently, they can grow in miserable Michigan too. Because this boy, I swear. He is the embodiment of the sun. If he is the sun then I am the moon getting sucked into his gravity, not strong enough to pull away not big enough to be seen by him. Girls look at him with big eyes in hopes he may see one of us, but he sees nothing. He looks forward and saunters down the hall, blond hair pulled up into a low bun and his signature smile. They swoon and whisper, giggle and laugh but soon enough he’s down the hall and around the corner. It returns to night, with all the bright light gone, only left with mediocre smaller stars who dream to be as bright as him. My smile falls as he is gone, my sunflower, why must you never turn to see me? Who is your sun?


Okay...this is an interesting start here. A little bit of a different take on something that's very familiar from a lot of stories. So far I am loving the tone with which you're establishing this particular one, which gives a distinctly different air from most stories of this particular type.

As I look away from the corner I end up staring into her eyes, who is she? Another admirer I’d guess as she’d been staring too. She gives a hesitant wave and a small smile is returned. Who is the girl with the corn-colored hair? The emerald eyes, pea-sized chest, and porcelain skin? Why does she look at me like that, is that how I look when I lose sight of the sun too? No, I squint to squeeze every last second I can get staring at him, she looks lost as if the light has blinded her. No matter, she finds her sight eventually and walks the other way, away from him and me. I wonder if he spared her a glance? Is that why she looked so lost and confused? Anyone could be blinded by his brilliance. No mind I forget about the starstruck girl as the ringing in my ear sounds signaling the next class.


Ohhh..well now this is introducing an even more interesting situation into the mix. I don't believe I've managed to run into something of quite this nature before...and its a very interesting sort of triangle forming here, with a distinctly different tone to how these things tend to normally go. At any rate, I am very intrigued here.

Days drag on, and I see sunshine boy every day, he makes me smile even though he never sees me, and starry-eyed girl, as I’ve taken to calling her, is always thereafter he leaves. We exchange smiles and then go along with our day. Sunshine boy and starry-eyed girl, I realized a long time ago how beautiful they would look together. I want to be her, she is beautiful in this bland world, just like him. My dark brown curls could never compare to her corn-colored locks and piercing green eyes. Her body is much thinner than mine. She’s a beauty unto this world, aren’t you starry-eyed girl?

Short days turned longer as winter turned into spring. Warmth spread and jackets were somewhat shed, snow turned into puddles and life came back to the dreary land. New semester with new classes with old friends and even older teachers. The starry-eyed girl appeared in four of my classes. She no longer walked away from me after seeing sunflower boy, now turning man, instead, she walked next to me. First in comfortable silence then in silent whispers, soon conversation was easy, especially about sunshine boy who we both saw the light of. We now talked in whispers as he passed just like all the other girls, no longer just locking eyes when he leaves.


Ooooh, this is a beautiful little evolution of that moment there. I love it when there's this sense of time passing by and things changing gradually and you use one of those to very good effect here showcasing how these two lost in their appreciation of this one boy end up form of a bit of a bond with each other. Its a lovely moment there.

Time passes faster with her, I don’t know if I like that, I do however like her smile, and her laugh when she allows me to hear it, like a pixie singing. I like tracing her freckles and her knowledge of the stars. I realize I like to hold her hand and I enjoy singing horribly to songs in the kitchen as we make a cake. I like it when she doodles little drawings on her hands. I like her green eyes, which I’ve learned have specks of gold and lines of brown. She is no longer someone I envy, instead someone I can’t wait to see, someone I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about, she’s my best friend.

Life flies by, new memories are made, school comes to an end. I no longer see sunshine boy instead just the actual sun. But I do see a starry-eyed girl, we spend every minute together floating in the pool running in the grass laughing at videos. And slowly I start to not miss seeing sunshine boy, instead, I look forward to seeing her. Seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, listening to her tell jokes. Summer tumbled into late nights and complicated feelings. Sometimes early mornings and quiet words. Everything is going too slow but too fast at the same time, summer comes to a screeching Halt as school starts.


Oooh this gradual sense of their friendship evolving here is truly nicely done. Its a very visual story here since there is no dialogue whatsoever, and you manage to sell the idea of these two souls united by this one thing turning into so much more really nicely. The transition we see from friends to what now seems like something a little more is captured really nicely here.

Senior year. My last year with the sunshine boy and starry-eyed girl. Things continued mostly the same as last year… he would walk by, we would stare and whisper, but I didn’t feel like whispering about him anymore, and once I stopped, so did she. Sunshine boy wasn’t full of light anymore, it was like I couldn’t find him no matter how bright he shined. I could only look at her, she was all I could see, my starry-eyed girl, will you look at me? And she did, she no longer stared at him, instead at me. As he would pass we didn’t look, instead, eyes were locked on each other and I could pick out each speck of gold, as soon as the ringing was heard, our eyes would leave each other and we would walk to class reluctantly.

Soon enough the daytime wasn’t my favorite time, instead the night where I could see the brilliant gold in her eyes and feel her breathing next to me, her thin arms wrapped around me. I enjoyed the night and the stars, no longer the sun. I could sit and stare at the solar system of her, a goddess among dreary-eyed men. How is it starry-eyed girl that you know so much? You really are out of this world.


Ahhh...this is just going along soo well. The idea seemed a little bit more hidden at first, but now its very clear where this is hidden and I am loving this. Especially your use of the moment that started this all to showcase this little transition is very, very neatly done and its just a beautiful feeling as a reader to see this slowly pan out.

School turns crazed and my days are spent less and less with her. Instead, life fills with new challenges but I am not a hero, just a mere mortal trying to get by. Midterms come fast and so do finals, not enough time but is there ever? One last week, I wish I could stop everything, I wish time would stand still and that I could stare at her forever. But time does not stop, instead as graduation approaches, we spend the last week together doing the things we had said we always wanted to. Slept where we could see the stars, screamed off a cliff, and lay together one last time.

How I wish I could kiss her. Her mouth, her smiles. I wish I could watch her forever. We talk late into the night, I stare at her and listen to her pixie laugh. And when I least expect, when I am bent over laughing so hard water starts in the corner of my eyes, she pulls my face up, starry-eyed girl looks at me, her eyes glistening like one thousand galaxy’s, she pulls me closer and Hesitantly our lips push together, a million fireworks go off, I feel like this is right. The way her small lips pull into a smile against mine and her hands run through my tangled hair. I know this is right. My lips push harder against hers, she smiles even bigger, and I know everything will be alright, won’t it starry-eyed girl? When we lost sight of the sun we turned to each other and realized that the only light we needed was each other's golden petals. As she pulls away and gasps air back into her lungs, I feel the waterfall down my cheeks and gather in piles on my shirt. She holds my face and stops the race of tears falling down my face. “I love you, my sunflower”


Ahhh..the one solitary line of dialogue we get and I have to say it is perfectly placed. You do an AWESOME job of building to this point here and when it finally comes and things reach its climax, its a truly beautiful moment there. You've really mapped out this amazing little story of two people coming together and falling ever so slowly in love.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this makes for a wonderful little story here. You've managed to create an awesome little tale that despite being as short as it is, manages to feel very complete and it just leaves you with a massive smile on your face. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Astral says...


Oh My God! thank you so so much for this review! This was very helpful and nice to read :) (sorry for not responding I haven't been active on here at all recently) I hope you have a great day/night/afternoon!!!



KateHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



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Tue Nov 23, 2021 2:14 pm
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MagiGirl17 says...



I loved it. The imagery was beautiful and captures the tone. I can't wait to see your next work.




Astral says...


Thank you so much lovely! <3



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Mon Nov 15, 2021 4:39 pm
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The beautiful language you used in the first paragraph (even just the first few sentences!) immediately drew me towards your writing. The imagery used to describe the "sunflower boy" and "starry-eyed" girl perfectly captures teenage admiration and love, and it's something I can easily relate to. I loved your story!




Astral says...


Thank you so so much! I am so glad you enjoyed my writing. I am definitely a very descriptive writer so I'm glad you liked my style! I hope you're having a great day/night! <3



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Fri Nov 12, 2021 12:06 am
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Rosewood says...



ASTRAL THIS IS SO GOOD OMG




Astral says...


THANK YOU OMG<3



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Wed Nov 10, 2021 11:56 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I loved this short story! It was so cute and beautiful! I’m glad they ended up together! I also loved the descriptions you provided for the characters,especially the “starry-eyed girl” and the “sunflower boy” The use of these descriptions instead of names really made for an interesting story.I’m guessing the character now has their own nickname.”Sunflower.” I hope you have a lovely day/night!




Astral says...


Thank you so much !! Your review means a lot to me and I'm so glad you enjoyed my story! I hope you're also having an amazing day or night!



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Wed Nov 10, 2021 8:29 pm
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julia002 wrote a review...



I loved every part of this short story. The way it depicts the teenage urge to over-romanticize everything and everyone you see in the halls. It also shows when you meet the person that is everything you imagined them to be. I met a boy that is even better than the version he was in my head and this reminded me of him. I love how you told a whole story through these pretty, descriptive words. One of my favorite parts:

"I stare at her and listen to her pixie laugh. And when I least expect, when I am bent over laughing so hard water starts in the corner of my eyes, she pulls my face up, starry-eyed girl looks at me, her eyes glistening like one thousand galaxy’s, she pulls me closer and Hesitantly our lips push together, a million fireworks go off, I feel like this is right."

This story tells a great story of getting to know the person you've admired for so long. I adore your romantic writing style so much. <33




Astral says...


Omg!! Thank you so much for your review I'm so happy you enjoyed my writing! I'm so glad my story could remind you of someone you love <3 Thank you so much for taking the time to read it :D I hope you're having a great day/night!!




Okay, first of all, who names their dinner? I don't want to know my dinner's name. This potato--is this potato named Steve?
— Rick Riordan, The Sword of Summer