Author's Note: The formatting on this piece is done intentionally, as is the capitalization and punctuation.
- - - -
Breathe.
That’s what they tell you to do.
That’s what they’ve always told you to do,
No matter the cause of your distress.
A deadline looms and you can’t handle the pressure.
“Just breathe.”
You’ve had an accident and are going into shock.
“Just breathe.”
Your father dies before your eyes, his own breath stolen and his heart’s beat nonexistent.
“Just breathe.”
What does breathing accomplish?
What good does breathing do?
With each inhale of a breath,
Each bit of air filling your lungs,
You’re killing yourself.
It’s a slow death, what we endure.
We watch as the world around us changes,
As others are born, grow older, and die.
We watch as technologies are created,
As things are made to make our lives easier,
Making what we used to use obsolete.
We watch ourselves in the mirror.
We watch as we take our first steps,
As we learn to speak,
As we learn to write.
We watch as we grow older,
No longer fitting that pair of pants you swore were lucky,
And cried when your mother threw them out.
We watch as our hair grows longer,
Our faces mature,
Our skin loses its taut smoothness.
We watch as the tears stream down our face
At loss, at anger, at despair.
We watch as those around us disappear
One
By
One.
We watch as each breath brings about
Our own demise.
It’s breathing that brings us closer and closer
To that last, choked breath we’ll draw.
It’s breathing that brings us closer
To being surrounded by those we love
As the light dims and our muscles relax.
It’s breathing that kills us.
“Just breathe.”
That’s what they tell you to do.
I don’t want to “just breathe” anymore.
I want to live.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would first like to say that this poem could relate to anyone that has felt depressed also how this reminds me of my friend since she went through a depressed stage in her life and how she said i don't want to breathe anymore. (I stopped her of course)
Nitpicks (there are a few):
To the last, chocked breath we'll draw Confused me a bit since when you are chocking on breath, you can't really breathe or as a matter you could die on a chocked breathe (well, you can't really die from a chocked breath but your face can turn red from it.)
It's breathing that kills us Could i ask who is "us"? Is it the air around you that is saying this or maybe the voice inside your head telling the readers this. Could be cleared up a little.
To some poems there are good things, the good things in this poem are that you repeat the sentence just breathe and that is a great use of repetition (i love poems that do that.)
Also how i would think that many people could relate since many people could have gone through phases in life where someone has told them, just breathe.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
I know I already messaged you about this, but I wanted my first comment to be on this lovely piece by you :3
First off, I have to agree with some of the other commenters in saying the flow is what made this poem for me. It was very eloquent and effortless to follow, I didn't get snagged on any awkward punctuation or trip on any unnecessary words.
Secondly, like others have also said, this piece is very relatable. It makes you reflect on the concept you're introducing and makes you really think about the act of breathing.
I'm very glad you've decided to try your hand at poetry again. And grateful you introduced me to this site and gave me the necessary kick in the pants to start writing/posting again.
becausethiswasinthewrongplacebefore... >.>
I truly enjoyed this piece! Something about it really spoke to me, especially the 'I want to live' part.
To me, this just screams breaking free and being your own person and not following what everyone else says or does. That's something very important: finding oneself and not just conforming to everyone just because it's 'cool'. You are slowly killed on the inside if you don't break free.
Keep up the great work, I look forward to future writings.
Really, can't find anything wrong with this piece, so I will just talk about the good. I love the eloquent flow from one line to the next. I love how you managed to relate to just about everyone on the most basic of means. Being human. We all breathe and we all have to live with the realization that every breath we take, every time we breathe it will just lead us closer to our end.
I look forward to more poetry from you.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Eferhilda! I can't begin to express what it means to me that you understood where I was going with this piece; To not take it for what it is at face value, but to think about what I was trying to portray in the simplest of its forms.
Hopefully I won't let you down in the future!
Hello Asteria! I'm here for a review!
Alright, when I do reviews I usually start talk about the poem as a whole and then breaking it down, so if that's cool with you, that's what I'm going to do. Okay, where to start? This poem is amazing! I loved reading it! I found myself in great thought in your poem. Whether that is what you were going for or not, it made me think.
This poem made me ask the question, "Am I breathing to my death?" It made me really reflect and see if all I am doing is "breathing". I really like how this poem made me ask that question. This poem portrays a very important lesson that anyone can learn something from. That is one reason that I find it so relatable.
If I was going to break down this poem, I would start with the Author's Note. So the Author's Note really lured me in. You told me that the formatting was there for a reason, and that made me analyze your work more closely, making me wonder why you formatted the way you did.
I found the formatting bring a lot of character to your poem! It really brought this poem somewhere! Great job!
I love the way that you describe things in your poem, from the way your hair grows to talking about your favorite pair of jeans! It was very vast, but also, in some way, very detailed!
Your word choice was superb! I really liked how you worded this work so fittingly and wonderfully! I really found no mistakes, because the Author's Note cleared almost everything up.
My favorite line of our poem was:
"I don’t want to “just breathe” anymore."
It really made me think, and it was beautifully written! Great job! This poem is one of my favorites! Keep writing! You have a great talent, so use it!
Have a great day!
Lots of Love,
Annaclare
Annaclare,
I can't even begin to express to you how happy this makes me, to see this review. I was so worried when I wrote this poem, only moments before posting it, as it was a concept that had been bugging my mind all day. I wrote it in mere minutes, and then spent the better part of an hour staring at it, formatting it, making sure it was exactly how I wanted.
But, when I went to hit "publish"...I found myself faltering.
It's been years since I published a poem, since I submitted this genre of work for public viewing; not since my book of poems was released when I was still a teenager. I'd be lying if I said I didn't edit, re-edit, and continue to find reasons as to why I shouldn't post it...reasons that I shouldn't make it publicly viewable.
But your review...it gives me hope. You sound like you got exactly what I was going after.
It's a thought that's been prevalent in my mind since I took Anatomy and Physiology my senior year of high school. Each breath we take deteriorates us all the more, yet...when we're in any situation, we're told to take a deep breath and calm down. We're told that just taking that breath and that beat will help.
It was on this concept that I built this and your review put the biggest smile on my lips. I honestly thought that, if I refreshed the page, the review would vanish.
You have made my night with this review, and I'm glad I could get you thinking exactly what's plagued my mind for years now. Is each breath we take killing us? Am I only breathing? Going through the motions?
Thank you so much for this review, Annaclare. You've made me extremely happy and I can't begin to express what this review has done for my night.
So, though I've said it once already, I'll say it again because I feel it needs saying,
Thank you.
-Asteria
Oh no problem! It was a privilege to read! I can't believe that you haven't written a poem for a while! You would never tell! Keep writing! I love your work!
-Annaclare
Yep! It's been since 2009 while I was still with my ex, that I penned my last poem.
Thank you! I feel as though I can't say that enough
I truly enjoyed this piece! Something about it really spoke to me, especially the 'I want to live' part.
To me, this just screams breaking free and being your own person and not following what everyone else says or does.
Keep up the great work, I look forward to future writings.