I sit with you when the Sun bites my skin,
I do not flinch; let the burning begin.
I see your face light up -
Oh, let it shine,
Let it burn me bright,
Let your warmth be mine.
Burn, burn, burn -
Let it burn me.
Why did you say you do not love the night?
Where Selene dances in silver light,
Where stars keep secrets out of sight,
And the downtown lights glow soft and bright.
You say you love the day -
Where the Sun will stay, where birds mock the clouds,
And chase the night away.
I wish for rain, but it won't fall,
The Sun grows brighter, burning through all I live for.
I let it shine, I let it sting,
For your smile makes my heart ring.
I want you to smile,
Just once, for a while.
Let your golden light stay a little while.
Let it burn me bright,
Let it strain my sight,
Until the final thing I see -
Is your face in the light.
Burn me.
Light me.
Shine me.
Blind me.
Let it burn -
Let it burn forever.
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141,163 Literary Works • 674,199 Reviews
Hey! I really liked this one.
I think the use of light/sun imagery was really well done, especially since it creates this almost painful sensation, which then validates why the title is the way it is
I also liked how you contrasted Sun with night, and mentioned Selene, stars, downtown lights, which made it seem a little less harsh, then jumping back to the brightness of the Sun, and how the narrator would rather have the other person’s “light” than the other, was a bit bittersweet for me.
I think that the repetition was done really well here, especially lines 9 12, “Burn, burn, burn,” and how towards the end the lines were short and impactful, I think that the last part was one of the strongest because we already built up this sense that everything is consumed by light, and that’s what the poem is all about.
Something I think you could improve on is the rhythm, some lines flowed better than others, and some seemed a bit long, or stilted when read out loud with the rest of the poem. I also felt like Sun/light imagery was used a lot, maybe rephrase one or two uses to another type of imagery, would make the ones that are repeated more noteworthy.
I think I did well with the mood/atmosphere, it’s very romantic, I think the love interest is portrayed very poetically, but there is this almost abusive, overpowering aspect to the relationship the narrator is in, which was something interesting to play with. Great job! <3
Thank you soo much! I highly appreciate it and will work on your feedback.
Have an awesome day <3
<3