Tear 256, tear 257, tear 258…
It had been thirteen days since the angel got lost on me.
I was lost too - isolated, wandering through the ruins of my own mind, probably high on some imagined cocaine because I had nothing left except whatever fragments of imagination my brain had stored for me.
My heart opened to testify for sins I didn’t even know I had committed, because the angel had betrayed me. It stood before me with a stoic face. I tried to find the remnants of the innocence its eyes once carried, but it averted its gaze. Perhaps the innocence was still there, just not for me anymore.
The gods sat in judgment.
The angel had a lawyer.
I wasn’t allowed one.
Whenever I tried to speak, the gods silenced me. Sinners, they said, did not get to speak. The angel glanced at me, but its eyes held no emotion. I tried to retreat, to find some last fragment of innocence - but innocence belonged only to those who were not sinners. And even when you are not one, the world and the gods can make you one when you are Mother Fate’s neglected child.
When I closed my eyes, trying to remember something happy, every memory hurt. It hurt - not once, not twice, nor thrice -
but every single time.
Then the gods gave their order.
Banishment.
The angel looked at me one last time. Its eyes were filled with malice. Yet somewhere beneath it, I could still see vulnerability.
I was tied in chains.
The Grim Reaper took my scratched hand into his rough one. It was a strange kind of comfort - rough, almost careless, but comforting nonetheless. And perhaps, when you have nothing left, any source of comfort can work its magic.
I closed my eyes.
The last thing I saw was a faint glimmer in the angel’s eyes.
Guilt.
Maybe it had always been there, buried beneath the cruelty, waiting for me to notice it. Or I simply needed to believe that somewhere in that angel, there was still a piece of the one I once knew.
And somehow -
that was enough.
I found peace.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,494 Literary Works • 674,533 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator is dead and awaiting judgement. The gods have decided that since the narrator is a sinner and they will be banished. The narrator takes the Grim Reaper’s hand and sees the angel, guilty for them. A small gesture, but still enough to not feel entirely empty.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I personally think that the story is fine as is, but if you want to enhance it more, like say, spend more time talking about how the narrator feels about losing their angel, then you can do that.
Chocolate Bar - I like the part about the narrator thinking that the angel doesn’t have any innocence left for them, as if the angel had grown to see them in a much crueler light just as how the narrator sees them. I also like the instance of the narrator catching the angel’s guilt, because even the small moment of the angel caring for them is enough.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a sorrowful short story. I have enjoyed reading this and I will be certain to read your other works. This person may count tears forever, but now…
I wish you a beautiful day/night! ^v^