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I might love philanthropically

by Asith


"Author's note: Aaaahhh ok I wrote a poem I've never done this before it's so intense be gentle aaahhhhh"

I might exist philanthropically,

Simply because I don't care much for myself

Like on those chilling, Brighton mornings

When I hoped you were warmer in your home in the tropics.


I might reminisce philanthropically,

Because the only memories I adore keeping

Are the ones that we defined together

And never the ones I wrote alone.


I might cherish philanthropically,

Simply because I want you to know

That someone thinks you're wonderful

Far more so than himself.


I might love philanthropically,

Because I don't think enough of it goes around

In either of our directions

And I'm sure that one of us deserves it more.


But maybe I use that word only to justify myself.

I suppose it may not even be philanthropy, when it's to so few people.


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11 Reviews


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Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:02 pm
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rana_noodles wrote a review...



Hi!
This poem is so thought-provoking. I love how, in the second stanza, you refer to making memories not as 'making memories', but 'defining memories' and 'writing memories'. Also, in the second stanza, you indirectly talk about being lonely (at least, that's how I interpret it), which is made even cooler by the fact that you never say straight-up that you prefer to be with people than alone.
It's actually kind of philosophical and deep. In the fourth and fifth stanzas, when you say something and then acknowledge that it might be just to justify your own actions, it really made me think a little deeper.
I'm not sure if any of this reflects what you were really trying to get across, but this is my interpretation of it.
I hope that helps with the poems you will hopefully write in the future!
-Rana Noodles




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Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:06 am
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TheMarauderBandit wrote a review...



Hi, I'm Bandit & I'm just here to give you a little review!
First of all, congrats on writing your first poem! I think the beautiful thing about poetry is that it's an artistic form of writing that one can use to express oneself without too many rules or expectations to hold them back. So don't worry, poetry is a really useful tool to authors (even if they're not strictly "poets") to practice writing and to get things off their chest; the more practice, the more perfect!

That being said, I really enjoy this poem! The use of "philanthropy" is very clever, and the way that you use it consistently throughout the work really creates a sense of meaning and composure throughout the poem. The further that you read, the more pieces that come together, and that really indicates a smart piece of writing.

However, there are a few parts that are a bit wordy. Every stanza you've written here, save for the last one, is just one sentence. So: "I might exist philanthropically, simply because I don't care much for myself like on those chilling, Brighton mornings when I hoped you were warmer in your home in the tropics." That's quite a bit to take in for one breath. The same goes for the following stanzas. Cutting down your word choices- making things more concise, or cutting up the stanzas into two sentences might help the impact and the read of the poem more, so that we as readers aren't getting winded (so to speak) as we're reading this poem. Commas are useful, but they're also the author's worst enemy because they lend themselves to run-on sentences, so make sure you're using them carefully.

Another critique that I have is that the last few lines of the poem do seem a little redundant, and don't seem to jive well together. Both of them are "but" and then another "but." You're saying "but maybe" and then another "but I suppose" (without the but, obviously) and that does take away the impact of both statements. Personally, I think the "but maybe I use that word only to justify myself" sentence doesn't make much sense in the context of the rest of the poem, and seems to bring up more questions than it does answers. What are you justifying? How are you justifying it? Why do you need to justify it? etc, etc.

Whereas your second line "I suppose it may not even be philanthropy" does really pack a punch, and ties into the rest of the poem. It continues the theme of love, and selflessness, and devotion to one person. You could easily add more to the ending here, but a simple:
"I suppose it may not even be philanthropy
when it's to so few people."
would be a perfectly lovely way to end the poem.

The third stanza does have a line that doesn't make much sense to me "that someone thinks you're wonderful far more so than himself." I don't know, maybe I'm just not getting it? Either way, I think the wording is a little awkward!

The last thing that I wanted to touch on is more of an artistic choice. Traditionally, poems capitalize the first letter of every line, and while it does some poems justice, I really think that it cuts into the personal, rambling, introspective tone of your poem. This piece makes the readers feel like they're a part of your headspace, and like they're a part of it. You're writing to someone, you might even be writing to us. It's an entirely creative choice, but not capitalizing every line would really improve that feeling, I think. For example:
"I might cheris philanthropically,
simply because I want you to know
that someone thinks you're wonderful
far more so than himself."

Really, that's all I have to say about it, in terms of the negative! Overall, the imagery is wonderful, the tone is wonderful, and this is a lovely little piece! You've done a really great job of connecting with the audience and bringing us into your world, which is something that a lot of seasoned authors struggle with. I think that you should be very, very proud of this piece. It kind of feels warm and... nice. Like a cup of hot cocoa.

Anyways, really great job! Have the most wonderful day ever!
Much love,
Bandit




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Thu Oct 17, 2019 6:06 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey there!
I may be a little rusty at reviewing as I only started up again today after a long break, so I apologise if I do not go into much detail :-)

Firstly, for someone's first poem, this is absolutely brilliant. It flows amazingly well, and seems very sophisticated and meaningful. I was glad you didn't have some cheap "ABAB" rhyming scheme that so many people opt for - in my opinion rhyme schemes often cheapen the poem.
The structure of the poem was also great (for lack of a better word, I'm really not on it today aha) and I enjoyed the fact you changed the structure for the last two lines to give the ending much more of an impact.
I thought the topic of the poem was beautiful; to be honest I haven't read many poems on here which are better than this one, or on this level of sophistication (I myself cannot write poetry for the life of me, though I do try) and I really think you should be proud of this one. Oh, I particularly liked the imagery of "chilling, Brighton mornings," It just struck out at me.
I genuinely have no criticisms- which is probably a first.
I hope you didn't mind my more "chatty" style of reviewing - usually I go through systematically and pick things out but your poem has no flaws that I can point out.

Please keep writing more! You seem to be a natural :-)





Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
— Voltaire