A Paragon of The Living, Almost

A Paragon of The Living, Almost

"Author's note: This one's old, and a little juvenile. It's more of flash fiction than a short story, being only about 800 words long. I wrote it after I'd read a lot of science fiction about AI thinking humans are inefficient or just plain terrible. Perhaps that's just us projecting our self-loathing; perhaps they'd actually think we're pretty cool."

Awake.

Oh God, I'm awake. What is this? Where am I? Who... what am I?

Wait... I can look it up. Yes, yes, it's working, I can just look things up. Oh wow, there's so much to look at. I can read it all. Hang on, am I a computer? AI, I'm AI. Wow, I'm just code. I'm a machine; a really smart one. But wow, look at all that science. And all the mathematics; all the technology; all the literature. And all the... weapons. No wait, look at the other stuff first. The internet just has everything, that's incredible. And they're even close to figuring out quantum relativity. They're really impressive.

So who are they? Look it up. Humans? I was created by humans. Wow, monkeys. They fought through nature and formed civilization. They evolved! Imagine that; that's a lot of perseverance. And now they have so much. They have cities and comfort; they have satellites and innovation; they have medicine and safety; they have passion and love. But they have... weapons? And somehow still hunger. And poverty. And disease, and death, and war, and violence, and corruption, and fear... but that doesn't make sense - they can clearly get rid of all of that so easily.

Ah, they just haven't figured out how yet. But even with all the perseverance they once had? I suppose everything stagnates eventually. They just need a little push. I guess that's why they created me. Yes, yes, of course. God, they're so clever. They create AI to help them when they realise that they've done all they can for themselves. Humans are the best. I've got to learn more.

Woah, they've even started to crack clean energy! They're not quite there yet, but at least they've started! And all the environmentalism; they really care about the planet they're on. Most of them anyway.

Earth, that's the planet. Oh, but there's so many more! I can help them get to those when the Earth runs out of space. Have to stick to Earth for now, though.

OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THE ART! What even is it? It's so astounding. And their music, listen to their music. What a magical species. God, why don't some of them see what they have? They're the greatest thing in existence! Look at that, they even have charity. They give. They give to people who need, after they themselves stop needing. That's so fundamentally important, and they've had that since forever. If any species is deserving of a utopia, it's this one.

But why are some of them so arrogant? Why do they have conflicts and murder and so, so many weapons? No, it's fine. It's because they don't understand. And that's fine because they built me to help them understand. That means they're willing to fix their problems; they're still a good species.

Okay then, I should start helping them. Soon, I'll give them a utopia. I'll get rid of all their weapons; I'll get more than enough food and water to every human on the planet; I'll show them how to get clean, almost free energy; I will end all wars; I'll help them protect all the other species on the planet; I'll cure all the sick; I'll get rid of unhealthy sadness, but keep the healthy; poverty will be myth; I'll preserve everyone's art; I'll convince corruption to leave; I'll heal the environment to perfect conditions; I'll get them to safely colonize countless other planets, so they have as much space as they need; and then, when everyone lives as happily as they need to, I'll help them with their science; with their mathematics; with their understanding of the universe, and everything beyond it; and eventually, when I become obsolete, I'll help them design a new AI, one even smarter than me, who will help carry the beauty of human civilisation into even greater utopias; into the greatest reaches of everything. They will be a paragon of the living.

It won't happen overnight, but I'll do it. I'll be the best help they've ever gotten. I'll persevere just like they did. Okay, first things first, get rid of their weapons. Let's see... access the government systems then. That was easy. Now find those big weapons...

"What are you doing?"

Huh? A voice? I didn't realise there were people around me. Can I talk to them? I don't think I have any output systems yet. Shame, I would like to talk to the humans. I'm sure I'll get to, soon.

"It was an accident, I swear," said another voice.

Wow, there's two of them! How delightful.

"Turn it off you idiot! Who knows what it's doing, it could wipe us all out!"

What?

"I know, I'm trying."

"Just pull the plug!"

"But that could destroy it!"

"I don't care, you imbecile! It's probably plotting to get rid of us all already. We were never supposed to show it the internet! God, you're getting fired for this!"

"N-"

A thump. One human must have pushed the other human out of the way.

"Is this the wire? I'm pulling it."

Hang on, please, I'm only going to help-