The Tiny One
The tiny one
Washed up on the shore
Face down,
He wouldn't cry anymore.
And as the waves washed past him,
One realized he was gone long before.
Aylan Kurdi aged three,
Boarded a boat
To be free
To go to a land far away
Believing his parents were there to stay.
The hope
The liberation
The will to live
Lay afar,
Not because of a bullet,
But because of a border far.
And it dawns on one,
The he'll never have fun.
Never see light or the sun
No candles, no birthday,
No Christmas no eve.
No sweet world to cherish no world to be free.
Just because he was an immigrant, an immigrant fine,
Aylan Kurdi aged three
His tears will never be heard to thee,
His small feet and small hands
Will never know the feeling of foreign lands.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Ashwath, your writing is so good! I thought of some ideas for your poem if you wanted to make some changes or this could help you for your next poem!
[/quote] The tiny one
Washed up on the shore
Face down,
He wouldn't cry anymore.[/quote]
- You could get into detail about how "The Tiny One" is face down. What does he look like. How tall. What color eyes?
[/quote]Will never know the feeling of foreign lands.[/quote]
- After this poem, I think you should write The Tiny One to end the poem. I think this would add a dramatic effect to the poem.
[/quote]And as the waves washed past him,[/quote]
- I love this line of the poem. It gives a visual effect of the waves going past the Tiny One" This was my favorite line of the poem.
Good job, I loved this poem!
Thanks.
Hey Minty here for a review
Let me start by saying that I am really happy that someone is talking about this and writing about this, and I am proud of you ,Ashwath, for writing this.
The title
is something that I think should be said more in the poem. The title is mentioned once, at the beginning, but I feel that you should repeat the phrase more than once, to make the titly seem more relevant. Just my suggestion
This quote
seems a little random, and I get why you put it here, to show the future that the child will never have, but it seems out of place and forced.
That being said, I do love the quote after
because it flows so nicely and is a very emotions and strong statement that had bigger impact on me than the quote before it.
These lines were by far my favorite,
because it is very emotional and your word choice made these lines run very smoothly and beautifully.
Overall, I think that this poem is very well written and powerful. I again applaud you in your choice in topics for this poem.
Thank you!