"Can you give me someone else?" My voice was flat and my face expressionless as I posed the question.
Death's dark eyes met mine, and I could see the silent pity there. He quirked an eyebrow in amusement, then shook his head slowly. "No," he said quietly, but with finality.
"Can you elaborate why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Death glanced at all the other reapers flickering in and out of purgatory, stopping in only to greet a friend, clock in and receive their next soul to reap. He shook his head as if confirming something before shaking his head. "No."
Death's lips were pursed in a tight line, and his eyes had a distant glint that hinted at disappointment. His arms crossed over his chest, as if to protect himself from both my words and emotions. He rarely spoke when he was trying to convey disapproval, but the silence was almost deafening.
I glanced back at the sunny yellow sheet of paper, and my stomach clenched as I read the name written in heavy black letters. It felt like a kick in the gut – punishment for all the life decisions I had made that could only be described as morally questionable. Thoughts swirled around my head as I tried to comprehend why this particular soul was targeted. I'd been a Reaper long enough to understand that those in power didn't care so much about the individual lives taken as much as they valued maintaining balance in the cosmos. This collection had to be part of some grand plan. I just couldn't see the role that I played.
One does not simply say no to a primordial concept, especially when they are the idol of your affections. At times I could persuade him to change his mind, but when it concerned matters of the soul his position was always set in stone.
The other Reapers constantly complained about Death's stoicism, but not me. I had been observing him since I was a little kid--noticing the small hints he gave off that most people would miss if they weren't paying close enough attention. Watching him with diligence and care has allowed me to learn how to read his body language. At least what little he let show.
My chest felt hollow as I took a breath that did nothing for me; my lungs were no longer capable of filling with air. My cheeks felt cold, and the absence of blood in my veins dulled the sensation. Clenching my jaw, I willed a smile onto my face and tried to draw strength from an unknown reserve inside me that had never been used before
"Fine. Fine. I'll do it. I'll do it with a smile too because I love you and her, but I'm not going to like it." I said wagging a finger at him.
Death looked at me impassively as if to say he didn't care whether I liked it or not. He simply gave me one slow nod and turned his attention elsewhere, meaning I had now been dismissed. I turned, spun on one heel and walked away trying not to let that little bubble of fear worm it's way up my esophagus.
With a swirl of ethereal mist and a subtle bending of reality, I materialized a portal before me. The inky darkness beckoned, and as I stepped through, I was enveloped by the disorienting void. My senses, or at least the phantom semblance of them, gradually shut off. Sight dimmed to blackness, sound muted to silence, and touch receded like the tide.
Moments stretched into what felt like hours in the sensory vacuum before my faculties rebooted. Sight flickered back first, painting the scene before me in its vivid hues. Sound followed, bringing with it the distant murmur of voices and the occasional laughter, almost like a low-level soundtrack. Finally, my sense of touch, smell, and taste resumed their roles, albeit in a ghostly form, aligning me with the world once more.
I found myself outside a nursing home, its sterile, institutional architecture striking a sharp contrast against the deepening colors of the evening sky. A quaint garden, carefully manicured but showing signs of neglect, sprawled around the building. The faint aroma of antiseptics mixed with blooming flowers reached my nose— a sensory medley that felt oddly nostalgic. Windows adorned the building, some illuminated and some dark, like eyes keeping secrets within.
I took a moment to adjust, my emotions surfacing but muted, as though wrapped in a layer of gauze. Was it my old nature resurfacing, or simply the consequence of my life—or rather, afterlife—choices? I felt curiosity prickle, like a dormant beast waking up after a long slumber. Something clicked inside me, as though a rusty gear had finally shifted back into place.
I walked, or rather glided, toward the building, my feet not really making contact with the ground. The physical barriers that impede the living had no hold over me. My form passed effortlessly through the wall, led by an intuition that seemed to bridge both my mortal past and my spectral present.
The common living room of the nursing home greeted me, a space designed for comfort but tinged with the silent desperation of its occupants. Soft beige walls, faded floral curtains, and well-worn chairs filled the area. A television flickered in the corner, showing reruns of an old sitcom—something about 'golden girls,' although I couldn't be sure. I'd never been a TV aficionado in life, and in death, such pursuits felt even more trivial.
My eyes found Savannah. She reclined in a cushioned chair, her attention half on the TV, half lost in the foggy recesses of her memories. I approached her, aware of her senses picking up my presence. She looked up, her gaze meeting mine. For a moment, she seemed not to recognize me, her eyes clouded with disbelief. Then her face tightened, her eyes widening in a mixture of shock, fear, and above all, confusion.
"It's you," she whispered, her voice tinged with incredulity.
I couldn't resist the impulse. Striking a cheeky pose, we'd often used in our younger days, I confirmed, "Yes, it's me."
Savannah seemed to sink even further into her recliner, a feat that seemed impossible given the additional weight she had gained over the years. Her eyes roamed over me, not comprehending how I could appear so unchanged. "But—But how are you still so—" She trailed off, captivated and puzzled by my spectral form.
I did a little spin for her, letting my black cloak flow around me. "Young? Beautiful? Sexy?" I asked, grabbing a nearby chair from the poker table and sitting on it facing her. "So, do you want a short explanation or a long one?"
"Short." She said, huddling up with her blanket.
"I'm dead." I answered.
"Dead?" She repeated.
"Yeah, have been for the last," I took a second to look at my watch. It was currently February, 3rd, 2088. "By your standards, I've been dead for almost 55 years."
She narrowed her eyes as if weighing the information I just shared with her. I could see the pieces start to click together when she realized that was about the same time I disappeared. "If you're dead, how are you here right now?"
"I'm a Reaper. As payment for not receiving oblivion. I now collect souls for Death."
"Oblivion?" She asked, her eyes raised in shock. Of course, no one likes learning that instead of going to one of the myriads of other afterlife, oblivion was very much still an option though not in the way think, since nothing ever really dies.
I waved my hand as if to brush the topic aside. "Let's worry about that until you actually cross over." I said leaning back in my chain and giving her a soft look. "How has retirement or life in general been treating you?"
Savannah scrunched her face as if to consider how life had been treating her before answering. "It's been alright. A bit lonely, but I've been keeping busy with knitting and reading."
I nodded, taking in the information. "That's good to hear. And how about family? Any kids or grandkids?"
Savannah's eyes seem to go dark. "No. No kids. No lover. After my father died and you left, I just couldn't bring myself to open up to anyone like that again. It hurt too much."
"I'm sorry, Savannah. I wish I could've been there for you."
A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked away, trying to compose herself. "It's okay. It's been a long time. I've learned to live with it." A smile soon came back as she looked at me the same way she used too back then before I died and before she got old. "How about you? How's life as Death's soul collector?"
"It's not the most glamorous job, but it has its perks. I get to see all sorts of souls from different walks of life and different eras. It can get pretty lonely, but I've adapted to it." I paused for a moment before continuing. "But in all honesty, Savannah, seeing you again is one highlight I'm grateful for. It's been a long time since I've seen a familiar face."
Savannah smiled at me once more, and I was struck by how beautiful she still was. The lines in her face only added character and depth to her features, and her bright blue eyes sparkled with warmth and kindness. I always dreaded getting older, having to see the transformation of my body in its prime youthful vigor be subjected to a slow, gradual decay. But Savannah was different; her wrinkles were like war medals, telling stories of joy and sorrow with every crease. She embraced her age with an extra layer of weight, but it only seemed to make her more beautiful.
"You always knew how to make me feel special," she said, her voice softening.
Of course, I did. One of the perks about being a reaper is that you get a nearly perfect memory of the experiences you've had from birth to now. I say nearly because every now and then you have something you want to forget about, though I wasn't exactly the sort of person who couldn't deal with the choices they've made. Looking at Savannah reminded me of a few.
I felt my lips tighten as I started to remember those choices. Savannah noticed my discomfort and reached out to touch my hand. I moved it away, not ready to lose her yet. "Is everything okay?"
I took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just remembered some things I wish I could change."
She gave me a sad smile. "Like what?"
I felt heavy again as I sighed in frustration. It wasn't a feeling of regret, but something else that I couldn't quite name. I wanted to say something, to speak the truth but my nature kept me from doing so, and instead I decided to try a different approach. "Like leaving you when you needed me the most. All the times I lied. Though dying probably takes the cake.
Savannah nodded. "I didn't ask, but how did you die?"
"Bullet to the dome." I answered with a half smile and raised my finger to the side of my head, mimicking a gun. I then made a quick motion as if firing it before dropping my hand.
Sav's eye's widened as she gasped, drawing the attention of a few others who simply thought that she was invested in the tv. "Someone shot you? Why?"
"Why not?" I grinned as if it didn't matter. Truth is, it didn't really. Death was something I had come to accept a long time ago. The only thing that truly mattered was what came after.
"Katherine." She said almost as if she were disappointed, yet expectant that I didn't really care. Like I said, I never cared about growing old. As far as I see it, the man who killed me did me a favor.
Knowing that what little I said wasn't going to suffice, I decided to share a bit more. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Which was partially the truth. You could make the argument that everyone who's ever been killed was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that wasn't entirely the case for me. I had done what most would consider to be heinous when I was alive, and now that I'm dead I have a better perspective to see the ramifications of my actions. Karma truly is a bitch. "It's just how it goes sometimes."
Sav shook her head as if to rebuttal but decided against it. I mean, she's not the one who reaps souls."
We talked a little bit more, nothing special, just catching up. It felt like no time between us had passed. We reminisced about our childhood, all the times we used to play in the park, sneak out at night to explore the abandoned houses on the edge of town and all the silly, embarrassing things we used to do. But as the conversation started to dwindle, I felt a strange pull towards her. It wasn't just nostalgia or sentimentality, but something more primal.
Sav sensed it and opened her mouth wide, releasing a big yawn. The air around her became cloudy with the mist that escaped from her lips as she sank into the comfort of the chair.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, but suddenly I've gotten really tired." She replied, her voice faint and distant. I could see her eyes drooping, fighting to stay open.
I gave her a small nod. "Your time is almost up." I said smiling.
"Before I go, I want you to tell me something you've never told anyone."
I almost sputtered at how silly her request was and at the implications. For a moment, just a moment. I felt 200 years younger, back when we were little girls selling lemonade for chump change and poking dead animals for fun.
I hid my gaze from hers as I contemplated telling her the truth I've hidden from her for so long.
I stood up and walked over to her side, looking down at her with a knowing smile. "You'll know it when you cross over." Before she could respond, I give a small kiss on the forehead. She closed her eyes and let out one last exhale.
I watched as her soul flowed from her body, confused and disoriented at first. But I knew what to do. I reached out and gently took her hand, leading her towards the light. We walked through it and arrived in a beautiful meadow. The grass was a lush green, and the sky was a clear blue with fluffy white clouds scattered throughout. The air had a crisp freshness that invigorated both the soul and body.
Sav's eyes widened in amazement as she took in her surroundings. "Is this heaven?"
A chuckle escaped my lips. Every soul asks that question when we arrive. "No. This is where you stop to get reoriented."
"What does that mean?" She said leaning down and picking up one of the flowers.
I walked over a nearby boulder that was conveniently placed several paces to my left and sat. I gritted my teeth as I took a moment to relay my words. "Before you cross over you have to remember your life."
"I already do." She answered as a bird came to perch on her finger. It looked like something out a fucking Disney movie. I almost gagged but suppressed the urge as I watched her body resemble what she used to look like in her youth.
"No, not snippets. Everything. This place is here to help you, give you a spot to decompress."
"You mean so that I can remember all the things I've suppressed."
I avoided her gaze, choosing to look at everything else that wasn’t her. Unfortunately, I wasn't a botanist in life so flowers were never interesting to me. "Not only that, but also the lives of everyone you've ever touched. All the bad. All good. All the embarrassing. All the fuzzies."
Sav snapped her attention towards me as if I had just revealed a well-kept secret, which in hindsight, I guess I did. "Why do I have to remember all of that?"
I took a deep breath before speaking. "Because it's part of the process. You can't truly move on unless you confront and accept every moment of your life and the impact on the lives of those around you."
She thought about it for a moment. “What if I don’t accept it or can’t accept it.”
I laughed a nasty little laugh. “Trust me. You’ll accept it.”
Sav glared at me. “But what if I don’t.” she pushed.
“You will. You don’t have any choice.”
After a moment she asked me. “What did you see?”
I grinned, but there was little humor in it.. “I didn’t see anything and before you ask, I refused, which often leads to spirits roaming the universe for the rest of eternity. I wasn’t trying to move on so instead I was given a job instead.”
Sav shook her head. “Only you could reject the afterlife.”
“Eh, I didn’t exactly live a normal life. I doubt I was going to heaven, not that I’d want too anyway. I like it here. I like being a Reaper.”
Sav thought to herself for a second, she looked as if she wanted to question something I said, but she decided not too. "How long is it going to take?"
"As long as it takes." I said looking at my sleeve as looking at a watch. “It should be starting right about now.”
"What? How does" At that moment, Sav's eyes glazed over and I knew she was starting to remember. It could take moments or hours for her to fully comprehend the details of her past.
I watched her as emotions flickered across her face, sadness, regret, joy, and love.
Each soul that crossed over had their own unique story to tell. Some stories were joyful, while others were filled with pain, hardship, death and even more pain. But no matter the story, each one was special in its own way. This is what I told every soul who crossed over. It was easy guiding people to their next destination, telling them that life, even in death, held meaning. I've walked all manner of people over to the other side. Homemakers, Kings, children, Murderers, Rapists, all types. I think it was easy because I never knew them personally. But this was different.
I sat on the boulder for what felt like hours. Suddenly as it all started, Sav snapped back to herself and collapsed to her knees, sputtering and crying. "It's pretty rough the first time." I said, recalling my own, though I remember feeling pretty good about the whole experience. Living your own life is one thing, but seeing through the eyes of another person was something entirely different.
There was an urge to help her up, but I refrained from moving any closer once I saw the murderous look in her now pink eyes. I raised her hands in a gesture of peace. This was the moment I was terrified of happening.
I expected a more rageful outburst, but I recalled that the whole life review gave your insight into the feelings and emotions of the people you've experienced. I think that, alongside the experiences of all the others is what kept her from striking me. After several agonizing seconds she popped the question. "How could you lie about something like that for so long!?"
I shrugged as if to say it wasn't my fault, but we both knew it was. "Technically I didn't lie. You just never asked me. I would have told you if you asked." Saying the words out loud, I felt stupid.
"You murdered my father!" She said, scrambling to her feet and clawing at me. I backed away from as far as I could, not wanting the cloak to react in protecting me.
"Technically, it wasn't murder if he tried to kill me first."
She didn't like that response. Her face reddened with anger and tears streamed down her face. "You motherfucker," she shouted, lunging at me. I stumbled backward, tripping over the boulder behind me, but that didn't stop her from trying to wrap her hands around my throat.
The cloak didn't like that and in one swift motion, despite my mental prodding for it not to do anything, a part of the cloth formed into a shadow and cut into hand, sending her sprawling away from me.
"Look, I know you're mad, but can you please. Take a minute to calm down and let me explain."
"You don't need to. I already know." She said, rubbing her hands. She wasn't bleeding since she was now just a soul, but there she could still feel pain nonetheless. In fact, damage to your souls' body was far more painful than the pain you received from your physical body.
"Then there's no reason to fight then. You already know."
"You didn't just kill my father, you killed so many people. Murdered them for no reason other than you were in love with Death?" She said, slowly picking herself back up. She had the same murderous look in her eye, but now she was just a bit more cautious about attacking me.
"Yeah, still am by the way," I added, taking my seat back on the boulder. She glared at me as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
I gave her a flat look and took it as my cue to continue talking. "It's been sixty years for you, Sav, but two hundred for me. Yeah, I took those lives when I was alive, but I'm dead now. Kinda, but not kinda, paying off that debt to Death, making sure souls like you, like the ones I’ve taken, make it over to the other side." I gestured to the field around us.
Sav still glared at me.
"What do you want from me? An apology, Sav? I'm sorry for killing your dad, what more do you want from me?"
"You should be in hell, burning for what you’ve done!" She yelled, turning to stomp a few paces away.
"You go to where you believe, Sav and I don't believe in hell." Though it does exist, and I have been there before.
"That doesn't make any fucking sense!"
"Good. That means you are getting closer to seeing things my way."
Sav shook her head violently as if she had heard the most ridiculous thing. "You're a piece of shit! That's what you are! All my life I thought we were friends! How can you be this way?" she whirled back around.
It was a loaded question. She already knew why I did what I did. Why I felt why I felt. I was born with the gift to see the souls of the dead, as I got older I realized that no one else could, so I learned how to keep it to myself. I guess as I got older, my ability started to mature, because not only was I able to see souls, but I could also see Death too. Always there, always lurking in the shadows.
So, I got curious. Killed a bug here and there and I would see him flicker into view. It took me until adolescence when the family dog, a cute labradoodle, named Montana, grew too old and needed to be put down, that Death stayed for longer when stronger life was taken. So, I moved on to animals. When I could I'd snipe a squirrel out of a tree, kill rats or frogs, one time I even got the neighbor's cat. All this for a little more time with Death. It never seemed to judge what I was doing as something that was wrong, and my child brain took that as the go ahead to continue doing what I was doing.
When my grandfather died and I first heard it talk with my grandfather, I realized that this entity was not human. It wasn't a reaper; it was truly death incarnate and I promised myself and it that each life I took after would in its glory.
I remember the first person I killed. His name was Micheal. I was in Highschool when it happened. He was our school's track star. He could get any girl he wanted, but he settled on me and Sav. Probably because he thought we were playing hard to get, as if it were such an improbability that we simply weren't attracted to him. He followed me on one of my night walks one day, hoping to catch me alone and pester me into a date. It was in the spur of the moment, but the thought just crossed my mind. When he wasn't looking, I slit his throat with my dad's pocket knife.
His ghost was absolutely pissed, but I got to see Death. This time it stayed with me for a few hours. The first thing I learned was that Death doesn't talk much. Next was that you can learn a lot from someone even if they don't talk. Everyone has told after all, and Death has his own. I just needed more time to figure him out. So, one thing led to another, body after body, I grew obsessed. Eventually I grew sloppy. Sav's father, a police officer, found me out. Killing him was not fun. I'll admit, looking back on it all, if I have a regret, it would be killing him.
The effect it had on Sav was heartbreaking which was the reason why I moved away. I'm a sociopath, but I do actually care about people and seeing what I did to her was not something I could bear. So, I left the city, moved to Detroit and died not long afterwards. Like I said Karma can be a bitch.
I glanced at Sav in front me. Her arms were folded, as if she was in the midst of hugging herself. A severe frown had taken over her face, unlike anything I'd seen before.
"If it makes you feel any better, your dad’s in heaven."
Sav glared at me and for a moment saw something else flicker. She seemed to be fighting with herself, but after a moment she breathed out a heavy sigh. "That does make me feel better." After a moment of silence, she asked me about her mother, and I told her that she's in heaven as well. She was an only child like me, so there was no one else worth asking about.
Realizing that our time was growing shorter I gestured towards the sky. "If you want to move on you can."
"Move on?"
"Yeah, like go into the great beyond. You just have to walk up those steps."
"What steps?" Sav squinted her eyes in the direction of where I was pointing and noticed, barely, a translucent staircase that seemed to be made from thousands of tiny stars. A similar light shone from above, several degrees brighter and more soothing than the one we'd first walked through. "Was that there the whole time?"
"No. This place just serves a spot to place for you to get your bearings. To come to terms with being dead. Now that you're ready it's shown itself."
Sav gave me a long look. I could tell there was a lot she wanted to say. I could see her wrestling between cursing me out or just leaving. She decided with the latter, taking a couple steps towards the staircase, then stopped.
"Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"Will we see each other again?"
After a moment I shrugged. "I don't know."
"That's not an answer."
"It was the best I could offer." I shrugged. Honestly, I didn't know. On one hand Sav was going to heaven. She would always be there. For eternity. On the other hand, eternity was a long fucking time. If I played this reaper business right, then I had a little less than an eternity to work off my debt. I could see her again, But would we even be the same people when we met again?
Sav nodded her head and started up the staircase. Once she stepped up to the fifth stair I spoke again.
"For what it's worth I am sorry, Sav." My voice felt like it weighed a ton, as if my words were sandbags instead of actual sound.
"No, you're not. You're just sorry you got caught." She sniffed.
Which wasn't exactly the whole truth. I mean, no one actually thinks they're the one to get caught, I just didn't anticipate ever being in this predicament in the first place. It's been hundreds of years since I last saw her, and I moved away and subsequently died before the guilt could eat at me. Either way I didn't have a rebuttal. I watched, not letting my eyes wander as Sav ascended the staircase and stepped into the light disappearing.
After she faded completely into light the hint of her perfume seemed to linger in the air for a second before it completely vanished.
Any lingering emotions I could feel out melted away from a cold, numbing sensation in my chest. I felt lightheaded and swaying as I attempted to process what had happened.
"How are you feeling?" Death asked, watching me as I watched her fade.
I didn't answer immediately. I didn't really know how to put my feelings into words. So instead, I settled with "For someone so impartial, you can be a real cunt when you want too."
Like always, Death wasn't fazed by my words. The realm around us dissolved to reveal purgatory, his realm, more specifically his office. "Wasn't my decision." He answered.
"Yeah, I know. I'd tell you to tell your sister to fuck off, but we both know that'll turn out for both of us. So, I'll just shut up and take my lumps."
Death sat down at the black obelisk that served as his desk, gesturing for me to take a seat. I picked a chair that was close enough to be in arms reach.
As I lowered myself into the chair, its stiff leather upholstery offered no comfort. The air in Death's realm was always stagnant and lukewarm, neither comforting nor suffocating. I was perhaps one of the rare Reapers who found this emptiness soothing. But today, the emptiness of the room mirrored the barren wasteland in my heart.
Death glanced at a parchment that seemed to appear out of nowhere on his desk. "Savannah was a special case, you know. There was a reason it was you who had to guide her."
I clenched my fists. "And what was that? To torture me? To give me a glimpse of happiness before tearing it away?"
Death looked up, his eyes pools of endless night, yet for a brief moment I thought I saw a twinkle—almost like a star in that dark sky. "No, Kat. It's because sometimes, healing comes from the most unexpected places. From confrontation. From facing our past and our choices."
I scoffed, "Confrontation? Is that your twisted form of psychology?"
"It's not about me, it's not just about you either," he paused, leaning back in his chair, "it's also about her. Savannah needed to know, just as much as you needed to be the one to tell her. Whether she forgives you or not, that's something she will carry with her, and something you need to let go of."
I sighed deeply, my eyes stinging, though no tears came. "She's moved on. She's in heaven, and I'm still here, living this existence." Which all things considered wasn't a bad thing. I could be in one of the thousands of different hells, right now.
"Your story isn't over, Kat," Death said, placing his palms together, deliberating his next monumental decision. "Not unless you wish it to be."
I smirked despite myself. I already died once and had no intentions of being reincarnated either. "So, what happens next, my love? What's my next assignment?"
Death's lips curled into a knowing smile as another parchment materialized on his desk. "Wouldn't you like to take a rest? I understand if-"
"Nah, I'd much rather move on."
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