Published October 11, 2008
Do you hear my cries?
My daddy beats me,
and I dont know why?
Mommy tried to stop him,
but he hit her too.
Our bruises are black and blue.
Mommy wants to get help,
but daddy wont let her leave.
He said if she does he will hurt me more,
and if needed,
bury me under the floor.
Mommy loves me,
so she stays.
Trying to keep me safe,
from Daddy's drunken rage.
Mommy keeps telling me sorry,
but I dont know why.
Some times I ask her if I can fly,
she says 'where to?'
I tell her to heaven,
That makes her cry.
Then daddy walks in and says,
'only angels can fly',
I see that rage in his eyes,
and I try to run,
but my little legs arent fast enough.
He knocks me out with one singly blow
and the next thing I know,
I see Mommy from below.
She's shaking me,
wait... that cant be me,
she's telling me to wake up please.
I try, I really do, but I can't,
and it makes me cry too.
Daddy was wrong,
I am an angel.
I keep watch over Mommy.
I even follow her to a place with a bunch of rocks,
And guess what one even says my name!
And it has the date too!
1998-2002
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140,871 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
It really made me sad... In other way it's good! i liked how you used vocabulary like you were the little girl that was being abused. Nice work (even if the theme is sad...)
this was good, and i like the way you've included the bit about how the child doesn't know that its his grave stone, its just a rock with his name on!
that bit is really good.
keep writing because lots of people like this!
I usually don't like poems of this nature. But, it was quite good. You got what you wanted to say across and that's an accomplishment in itself.
There were some odd phrasing but it's a nice poem. Edit.
-Adrian
Wow...if that's real you gotta get outa there. But you did good. Nice format...I like it.
I think this is a sweet, sad poem, but I have to say that you lack a LOT technical-wise. Rhythm, rhyme, stuff like that. Sorry, I'm in a rush - adios!
-KK
i really liked this poem...it was very touching. though some of the rhyming was a little off you still pulled together an awesome peice of writing. the word held to their brutal roots and the emotion was well exposed. your ending was kindda weak but at the same time very kool. i liked how the date rhymed with the previous line. good job!
unfortunately i found it contrived
poo
That was beautiful. Very moving and thought provoking. I especially liked how the parents were reffered to as 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'. It added that touch of innocence that only children have that this poem needed to just be. Well, fabulous. That's really all I can say.
I admire that you chose to write a poem about such a sensitive issue and absolutly adore it.
wow
it's so beautiful it really made me want to cry....it's so deep and emotional!
it's sad and yet true.child abuse happens everyday
you should be proud of your poem! i think you should enter this is a contest if you could find one
it would be perfect for CHILD ABUSE AWARENESS or something like that =]
oh wow.This poem is so deep and heartfelt.. It actually made me cry..The only thing i can critique is that, if you are going to have rhymes, then do rhymes all the way, and if not, then just don't rhyme anything.
Other then that, I loved it! My family is going to ask me why I am crying, and it is because of the best poem in the world! I loved it!!!!!
Thank u so much!!! keep writting I love ur work!
thanks guys! This was a spur of the moment thing. Thanks for the critiqing and i hope some more ppl post too. And yes its ok to use it. And I am girl btw even though my name might sound like a boyz name.
hey!
One word WOW!!!
That is amazing! it made me cry I am writing a book and I am going to publish it and I loved this poem! DO you mind if the main character reads it? so that means it will show up in the book. But don't worry it's gonna say by **** (your name) or it could by unknown or something. If you don't want to I understand.
xoxo,
Kari
PS I really like the poem! amazing! well done!
I felt this poem started some what slow and average. The begging seemed like something that was written to get an A in and English class. Then as I read on I relised that the writer truelly put his heart into this poem. Reading at the end gave me a rush of excitement and wonder then, it hit me. The very end of this poem is what made me relise how well this poem is truelly written. As a guy (yes I am Jacob not Molly) I am not embarased to say that this poem almost brought me to tears. Well done!
Haha, I actually liked those last three the most. Reinforces the innocence of the child, in my opinion.
Was sad, though. And thought provoking.
Single, you mean?
Anyway, I liked it. I don't usually read poetry, much less enjoy it, but I enjoyed this piece
P.S- I noticed you've posted three times in a row... just make sure you do a couple of reviews, just to even things out
you don't really need a question mark here.
I really liked this. I loved the way some bits rhymed. It's a very deep, thought-provoking poem.
the only thing i didn't like to much was the ending four lines. The three before it were great, but those last three were kind of... weird.
but anyway, lovely poem