Save the life
“Ana, hand me that screwdriver right there.” Mr. Baxster said. I wasn’t paying attention and accidentally dropped the screwdriver on his head.
“Ana! Pay attention! You want the summer job?” He yelled. As he raised up I saw his tattoo on his neck. It was a weird shape, like a bird or bat.
“John why do you have that tattoo? I thought you were a Christan.”
He scratched his head and went back to fixing the sink. I looked back out the window.
“You want to know? Okay, I was a biker dude.” John laughed and dropped the wrench on his chest. “Are you kidding me! I’m going to have a million bruises! Ana quit staring out the window. Nothing is out they’re, so help me with this sink.”
He was a strange little man. My mom had me young and my dad died when I was a baby, so I didn’t know him. John was a young twenty year old annoying uncle. He practically raised me. And now I would have a job as his assistant, which I though was dumb, because he was a handy man.
“No seriously, where did you get the tattoo?” I asked. He looked at me and nodded.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you Ana. Why are you so interested in my tattoo? Oh no, your not thinking about getting one?”
“No, its just I’ve seen that symbol before and I just wanted to know where you got it.” I said. John stood up and put his tools back in the tool box.
“Well, maybe you are just imagining that you saw it.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw it.” I said. He tensed up a bit and started thumbing his fingers on the counter top.
“Maybe you didn’t though, Just agree, you know I’m always right.” John said.
“Ha, your always right? Yeah okay. Lets go with that.” He put his hand on my head and shook it.
“Maybe some day you will be always right. Its fun, why don’t you try it sometime? By the way, are you excited that your going to turn thirteen tomorrow?”
“No not really, I want to stay young forever.” I looked at him and his eyes seemed like they were turning gold.
“Is that your wish?” He asked. John jumped up on the counter and picked up a screwdriver and twirled it like a wand. “Then my princess’s wish shall be granted.”
“Ha ha, that’s funny. Okay we have to go Mr. Fairy. Its getting dark.” I said.
“Aw, why? Is the brave Anabella scared of the dark? Does she need a blanky?” I hit him and looked out the window.
“I’m not scared of the dark. Just the things that’s in it.” John looked outside and back at me.
“You really can’t live in fear Ana, you father-” John started to say. He must have seen my reaction when he said ‘father’.
“My father isn’t here, he can’t want me not to fear the dark. Let’s drop the subject.”
John looked at his feet and said, “Okay, well you run home. I’ll be there in a minute. Tell your mom to go ahead and fix your supper.”
I ran home as fast as I could.
Chapter 2#
[I learn the family secret.]
I ran home fast. I didn’t want to be caught in the dark. Our house was a regular farm house, a white two story house with red shutters and a big white porch.
As I reached the porch I saw my mom out in the field picking strawberries. I walked inside the house and saw a man in a tux sitting by the table. He wasn’t a very handsome man. He had black hair that was slicked back with gel and his suit was black with blue pinstripes. I jumped behind the banister before he could see me. As he turned his head I saw the same look that John had today. The golden eyes. John’s eyes only flashed gold, this guy’s eyes were pure gold. They made you want to stare at then all day.
I continued to watch as he sat at the table. The man looked down at his cup of coffee and stirred it with a spoon. The weird thing was, he was not touching the spoon as it stirred. It was stirring itself. I watched in awe as he took the spoon out of his coffee and stood up.
“Oh! You’re here already? John told me you would be here tonight.” My mom said.
“Caraline, you look beautiful.” The man said. His voice was deep, but in control. He was much taller than I thought when he was sitting at the table.
“Thank you. May I ask what you are doing here so soon though?” My mom wiped her hands on here apron and sat down at the table. The man sat back down and the spoon started to stir the coffee again.
“Is it John now? Hmp, I just don’t fancy that name. My brother isn’t very well my dear.”
“You have never cared about your brothers. And stop that! Ana is still awake!” My mom spitted out. She seemed as if she didn’t like this man.
“No, no, I love all my siblings. Even if they threw me down from my thrown and cast me into the underworld. But past the point, that was an accident.” The man said. His suit started to change colors in a way.
“ Accident? Yeah right. Anyways what are you doing here?” My mom asked. She seemed to be getting angry.
“Darkness is me. I travel with it. It is dark outside. See Caraline? Where is Apollo?”
“It is John! How many times do I have to tell you?” Mom yelled. John walked in and sighed.
“Here again Hades?” John said. Hades was the name of the God of the Dead. A brother of the big three. Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. The major Gods.
“Ah, Apoll- John, I have only come on business. The child, is up most important in the roll of the plan. We need her.” Hades said. A smirk went across his face as John looked nervous.
“I think not! I am her mother! She doesn’t know yet! She is only twelve Hades. You Can’t expect her to sell her life out to the dumb council of the dumb Olympians! No, I wont have it!” Mom said. She was really upset at this point. John went over and put his arm around her.
“Hades, no. Not now. She is only twelve. You can’t put her on the spot now. She can’t go there. She wouldn’t last.” John said. He held my mom who was crying.
“I wouldn’t last where?” I walked out and asked. My mom got up and ran to me.
“Go upstairs now Ana!” She yelled. The man called Hades looked at me and smiled.
“Perfect. I’ll give you credit Apollo, she is perfect.” Hades said.
“Over my dead body Hades. You won’t take her this early. You can tell the Olympians that I said no.” John said. He looked fierce. His eyes started to glow gold. Hades smiled at me and sipped his coffee.
“You dare challenge the Olympian? I really don’t care, but its your father that will curse you.” Hades pushed his coffee cup out of his reach and crossed his arms.
John got up and walked over to the man.
“He wouldn’t dare curse his own daughter now would he? Tell him that if he wants her then she will have to make up her own mind.” John whispered………
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Hey!

Okay, first off Hades isn't really considered an Olympian. The twelve Olympians are Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Dionysis, Apollo, Artemis, Athena, Hermes, Ares, Aphrodite, Hephaetus, and Demeter, I think. Hades only comes to Olympus on the winter solstice, so that won't work.
Secondly, it's too similar to the Percy Jackson story. I have your same problem, since I'm trying to write a story like this on my own, but the golden eyes? Way too similar to be original.
I liked this, and I found a few mistakes, but it really is way to similar. Sorry.
Keep writing!
zOe
I agree with Cadmus there are a little too many similarities the gold eyes and the name i think it would be good under fan fiction

or you could maybe join the Percy Jackson group
anywayz...
Keep writing buddy
>-<
There's a problem with this. It's written fine, but I do see a ton of grammar issues. But besides that, you're going to have a big porble writing about Greek deities in a modern setting, mostly because of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.
I read your story and I see a lot of similarities -- your main character's name is "Anabella', and there is a character and the Percy Jackson series named Anabeth. Just sayin'.
I don't mean to be harsh, but... yeah. Way too many similarities to be original.
--Antigone