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Young Writers Society



Let it Burn

by AshleyLynn


Chapter One

Did you know scintilla means a spark or a very small thing? Well that scintilla can grow to be a huge wild fire. One that tears through a whole town and destructs everything in it's path. It can grow to be ruthless and deadly. Or it could grow to be a bonfire on a beautiful night with ones you love. But that bonfire, the one that seems harmless could grow to be that monster of a wildfire. But momma's always tell their children not to play with fire, not that they always listen.

Teenagers are under rated. They put up with more bullshit than you could imagine. They have so much pressure on them and standards to look up to. School, family, friends, jobs, college, relationships. Their bosses, parents, friends, lovers, spectators, teachers, peers, all ask so much of them. They don't have that much to give. They need a little life to live too. You can't take the best years of their lives from them without expecting some sort of retaliation.

When something horrible happens to anybody, you shouldn't ask anything of them. They need their space, don't take that from them. Let them be, let them cry or be angry. Don't smother them in all things rainbows, bright and kittens. If they want their world to be full of grey storm clouds, crying and sad songs then allow it. Time heals all, not you.


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Sun Sep 05, 2021 4:31 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Did you know scintilla means a spark or a very small thing? Well that scintilla can grow to be a huge wild fire. One that tears through a whole town and destructs everything in it's path. It can grow to be ruthless and deadly. Or it could grow to be a bonfire on a beautiful night with ones you love. But that bonfire, the one that seems harmless could grow to be that monster of a wildfire. But momma's always tell their children not to play with fire, not that they always listen.


Well, this is interesting, it starting with a definition is certainly an interesting one, it seems to suggest this is being narrated by someone that knows people are going to read it, and wants people to understand, and also...well, its a really interesting concept to mention there...I love how you express the two sides of where a small spark can go, and the way you end on the worst outcome one can get from a small spark certainly grabs your attention as a reader cause you start to wonder if that is what's about to go down here, and judging from the last line, that seems to be the case.

Teenagers are under rated. They put up with more bullshit than you could imagine. They have so much pressure on them and standards to look up to. School, family, friends, jobs, college, relationships. Their bosses, parents, friends, lovers, spectators, teachers, peers, all ask so much of them. They don't have that much to give. They need a little life to live too. You can't take the best years of their lives from them without expecting some sort of retaliation.


Alright, well that's a bit of a random sounding topic change there, from talking of a spark leading to a massive deadly fire, we get to see a discussion about teenagers and how they have to deal with quite lot and often don't get recognized for being people that deal with a lot. Welll...I can sort of see a subtle link between how a teenager under stress could perhaps relate to a out of control fire...but while this is a pretty neat paragraph on its own, the connection there just isn't very good here.

When something horrible happens to anybody, you shouldn't ask anything of them. They need their space, don't take that from them. Let them be, let them cry or be angry. Don't smother them in all things rainbows, bright and kittens. If they want their world to be full of grey storm clouds, crying and sad songs then allow it. Time heals all, not you.


Alright, well another change in topic here, I mean, once again I see a faint connection being attempted here between the two pieces but they just don't seem to connect well at all. On their own, these three paragraphs are great. That third one especially can be a powerful statement there to get a story started off with, but together these three just don't quite match each other, and that isn't usually a good thing to start a first chapter with.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Jul 02, 2012 9:17 pm
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Eliza:) wrote a review...



First of all, I want you to know that this is a good piece. I'm not sure how you're planning to make this into a novel, but it could make a great prologue. You definitely hook the reader with this beginning.

The chapter is a little short, but as long as you include the main character and setting in the next chapter, it should be fine.

Well that scintilla can grow to be a huge wild fire.

"Wild fire" should be one word.


But that bonfire, the one that seems harmless could grow to be that monster of a wildfire.

There should be a comma between "harmless" and "could."

But momma's always tell their children not to play with fire, not that they always listen.

"Momma's" should be "mommas."

Teenagers are under rated.

"Under rated" should be one word.

School, family, friends, jobs, college, relationships. Their bosses, parents, friends, lovers, spectators, teachers, peers, all ask so much of them.

You don't need "friends" twice.

They need their space, don't take that from them.

This is a run-on sentence. The comma after "space" should be a period.

I agree with TickSeed. This piece is very poetic. I can't wait to see the next chapter.




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Mon Jul 02, 2012 6:04 am
TickSeed wrote a review...



I really like this. It's poetic and honest. To me, it almost seems to a lyrical quality because of the way you have things flow. The only thing that I can really pick on is the opening sentence. For some reason, it seems clunky and clumsy compared to the wonderful prose of the rest of the piece.

Although, it's very possible that it's just a "me thing", It's basically been drilled into my head by teachers that starting of a story by adressing the reader is not a good idea.

As in "Did you know..." or "Have you ever....

This is just a suggestion by a nosey nit-picker who should just shut-up but maybe something like:

"Pick up a dictionary and turn to 's' keep looking until you find scintilla. It should say that the definition is a spark or a very small thing. You know what it doesn't say? that it can grow to be a huge wild fire."

But you really should change it if you love it the way it is. Honestly, it's beautiful all by it's self. Maybe just take as a bit of advice for your other work.

I look forward to the rest of the story!





"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."
— Fredrich Nietzche (Philosopher)