Published December 30, 2010
Unconditionally,
I'll stay here by your side.
That's what you told me
Then, you baried me alive
Why did you do it
I thought I was your friend
But I'll get through it
Yes, I will rise again
Because I'm. . .
Unbreakable
Unshakable
Watch me girl
No one can keep me down
Unbreakable
Unstoppable
Watch me girl
No, you can't keep me down
Was he worth it?
Does all that money keep you warm?
Take my word for it
He'll leave you in the middle of a storm
Why did you crush me?
I was your only friend
Oh baby, trust me
I will rise again
Because I am. . .
Unbreakable
Unshakeble
Watch me girl
No one can keep me down
Unbreakable
Unstoppable
Watch me girl
No, you can't bring me down
I see that look in your eyes
You think I want your sympethy
I see how you patronize
One day you will see
I'm Un-. . .
Breakable
Unshakable
Watch me girl
No one can bring me down
Unbreakable
unstoppable
Watch me girl
No, you can bring me down
One day you'll come back
But the love we had will not be found
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138,225 Literary Works • 672,086 Reviews
hi,
first of all i would like to say that the lyrics are full of music,
they flow and fit together. i personally think you should make your song a little bit longer.i get the feeling of anger but i think it would be better if you focused on creating an image for the story of your song to make it stronger and to make the meaning and the events more clear. inspite of the mistakes you did i like your song very much i wish you learn from what i said. i also agree with the others and think that you can benefit from their replys.
good luck great work keep on writing!
Thank you guys for your usefull comments. Yes I agree with all that's said. Raz, I believe that love and friendship co-exist in a relationship. One holds no water without the other.
Okay, now for my overall opinion, I think you can be a lot more original. I had a hard time seeing the way the first verse flowed into the chorus, because you seemed to be more solemn, asking 'why' and 'I thought we were friends' all that. Then you're suddenly going from sad and almost whiny to 'I could care less'. It just doesn't work.
The second verse is very bitter. I could see how that would flow into the chorus a little better than the first verse, but it still gives off the impression you care, which counters the chorus.
I'm still not sure what the tone of the song is supposed to be. Is the narrator in denial, but saying otherwise? Does the narrator actually feel 'unbreakable'? Try to work on show not tell, because you aren't SHOWING and real emotion. The tone of the song should be clear through both words and melody, and the verses contradict the chorus, making it slightly unclear. I think you meant to come off completely as 'I could care less'?
One more thing...what exactly happened isn't clear either. They were friends, it said, but then you mentioned a love they shared?
Don't forget you improve with practice. Don't stop writing. Hope I wasn't too harsh!
~Annie
Dear Ashley529,
Your lyrics were good, but before you ever write the lyrics of a song, you will have to write the Artist, too so that people can understand who sung the song. And there is a spelling mistake too.
I kind of think that, it was supposed to be like this:
Anyways, your lyrics are good.
Keep reading and reviewing!
vstarfirix