Chapter 2
I sat between two officials who looked at me at every second, eyeing me to make sure that I don’t do something that I'd regret. I wiped my tears on the collar of my shirt, trying to dry my eyes, and wipe away clean the memory of that man. The man who will forever haunt my dreams, the man who will remind me that I am not as good as I claim to be. I rustled in my seat, trying to calm down my nerves as the officials hands twisted my skin. They looked at me like I was some wanted criminal and smiled at each other, as if they couldn’t believe that they had caught me. The head official was in the seat next to the pilot, he had dark brown hair that was cut into a short buzz cut. His sharp complexion suited him, and his bright blue eyes were the mystery in his pale face.He stared at me, his eyes burning into mine, his gaze making me feel small.
“How did you survive the shooting?” the head official questioned, blurting out his question, breaking the unbearable silence.
I just looked at him and then looked away, sitting in silence; not answering any questions. Not wanting to give him any pleasure to of provoking me to speak, my heart still sagging with unutterable grief.
“Hey I asked you a question!” he screamed, pulling out his gun to point it at my face, pretending that he'd dare shoot me.
Once he saw that I was not going to be cooperative he pulled the gun away from my gaze and put it back in his holster, his face red with anger. Knowing well that he would not be able to shoot me without making his employer angry. He went back over to sit with the pilot and left me in my own thoughts, my own deafening disturbing thoughts.
I let my subconscious go and let myself drift throughout my mind, thinking all of the experiences that I will endure when I get to that base. All the horrors, and all of the woeful memories, drifting away, and before I knew it we were at the base. The pilot flew the machine down to the ground and landed, taking care when stepping out of the aircraft. He was followed by the head official, who's temperance still looked red hot. Once they stepped out, the pilot opened up the door for me and the officials to step out. They gripped me firmly, twisting my skin in their dirty hands, making sure that it was painful enough that I wouldn’t dare escape. They pushed me out the door and led me towards the front of the base, awaiting whatever dangers were yet to come.
We stepped through the threshold of the base, numerous awards hung on the wall, and a large board showing where all of the rooms were. There were random soldiers walking around, eyeing me with every step. The officials muttered some things to other soldiers as they walked past, slightly looking back at me to check if I had heard. We walked straight down long hallways, the endless space torturing me. While turning the last corner, we stopped at a cream door, while the official entered cautiously. As we walked in the officials slightly loosened their grip on me, but still did not allow me freedom. They made me stand in the middle of the room, with them right by my side. There was a tall man sitting in a black chair, his back to me. I could see slight features of the man, but nothing more. It was as if they didn’t want me to know who he was, which didn’t make any sense since they were probably going to kill me anyway. After what I've done, I'd be surprised if they'd do that much, by giving me the mercy of death.
“Sir?" The head official said, talking to the man in the chair. "We have apprehended the cause of the report."
“Good." the director said in a menacing voice, looking at things on his desk, still not showing his face. “Search our databases for her Flux records, we need to know everything about her."
"Yes sir," the head official began, looking down at the floor, afraid to even look at the back of the director's head.
"Your dismissed." He said, waving his hand to signal us to leave. "Get her started on the tests right away, we don’t have any time to waste."
The head official nodded and opened the door for us to leave, practically dragging me by my arms.
The officials led me out of the office, and pushed me along as we walked down the hallway. Like an ever winding tunnel. As we were getting closer I started to get a chill running up my spine, as if I had a sixth sense telling me to not walk any farther. When we reached the end of our travels we stopped at a bright white capsule, making me shiver. The capsule was white all in the inside, giving it a bland texture. There was a clear window over the front that made it look like some zoo enclosure, that I was some animal that people were studying. As we walked to the capsule's entrance, the head official got out his keycard to the door's scanner. Obviously the capsule needed certification to get be able to get inside. When the door slid open the officials pushed me in, and left me lying there on the cold plain floor. Forcing me to watch through the window, watching whatever vile plan they were recently conducting. I watched as the officials motioned to each other and began carrying something towards my capsule
“All right, bring it in.” the head official started, “We need to get started as soon as possible!” he ordered.
More officials came scrambling towards my capsule and carried the object closer, and closer. I was too depressed in my own thoughts to look at the object, even though I knew whatever it was could not be could. When I finally got myself together I stood up as officials placed the object in the middle of the room. It was a white chair, kind of like the ones at the dentist. There were silver wires and little screens off to the side, and on the arm rests there were steel arm restraints. Just the sight of the object set a long, cold, shiver up my spine. Making me fearful of what they were going to do with this torture device.
“Get her seated in the chair!” the head official ordered, his long, bony, finger pointing at me, making me stop dead in my tracks; as his cold stare stunned me.
Two guard officials came pouring in and grabbed my arms. I was confused, I tried to resist but it was no use, with my mind still circling with questions I could barely maintain myself. They sat me down in the chair, and put my arms on the arm rests. Before I knew it, the strong, metal cuffs popped out of the chair; and cuffed me in, making me worry about what was yet to come. And the worst part was that I felt helpless, like I couldn’t escape.
“What are you doing!” I screamed, "Let me out." I rustled my hands around in the cuffs, tears streaking down my face.
The same guards came in and picked up the silver wires that were hanging down from the chair and started their experiment. On the end of the wires there were small, circular, stickers, like the ones they use in the hospital. They brought them close to my forehead and pressed them on my temples, my face growing angrier by the second
“Is everyone ready?” he said, looking over at the officials nodding heads. "Alright, start test one of simulation one. Monitor pulse and brain activity, and the whole genome. We need to see how her body withstands this pressure that will be added to the body momentarily. We basically need to understand how she works." They all nodded. "And don’t forget to record all observations." The officials words made me cringe in my seat. What kind of pressure were they going to inflict upon me and why?
I looked out the clear window, and waited for whatever he was going to do to me. And then, I felt it. They were forcing electricity and energy into my body, making my chest convulse with the amount of matter being applied. I took a big deep breath and absorbed some energy, shock after shock, it became part of me. But, the more I absorbed, the more that I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to withstand this torture for much longer. I could feel my skull pounding, and my knuckles turning bone white with my clenched fists. My eyes glowed after each time I absorbed, giving my retinas the feeling of burnt flesh.
“AAAHHHH!” I lightly screamed in pain from too much electricity, my body felt like it was going to fall in on itself.
I was sweating from my forehead all the way to my chin. My arms and hands were shaking, like I was having a spasm attack. And my face spoke of pain. The more that this pain grew my nose started to slightly drip blood, it felt like acid in my nasal cavities. Along with this horrific development, my eyes started to drip blood as well, falling down my cheek like I was crying paint, wishing that the pain would stop. I could see that the officials were impressed that I had held up for this long, even though I was obviously in major pain. After they could see that I could barely handle it anymore, they downgraded a little on the usage; but they still would not quit. They were pushing me far beyond my limits. The energy gave me more power, and to get rid of it without harming my body I had to use some of it. I coated my hands in bright energy, and quickly broke through the arm restraints that were holding me down. I tore off the stickers that they hooked up to my head, feeling the electric waves disappear. I felt relief flood my body, and for the first time since I got here, I tried to calm down. I took long deep breaths and laid down on the floor, wiping the blood from my eyes and nose.I could still feel electricity surging through my body. I saw energy weave in between my fingers, making a wave of nervousness pass through me of what this might make me do.
The officials mumbled random things to each other as they scribbled down notes, slightly glancing up at me to get accurate observations.
I breathed in heavily and exhaled through my nose, my head still aching. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead, and rubbed off the moisture on my palms; trying to make sense of what had just happened. "W-what was that for?" I asked, in between breaths. The officials looked over at me with ease, and stepped closer to the glass; examining my complexion. He opened his mouth and began, doing a horrible job of keeping me calm.
“We brought you here to understand how you work. How your genome is made up, your DNA, and how your abilities counteract with your bodies ability to work properly." He eyed me, looking at me, seeing how I had reacted. "That was only number one of many tests that you will take. That test measured how much energy you can consume, and to understand a bit more about how the Flux program genetically modified you. Obviously you passed the test, but we are hoping to increase your energy consumption majorly” he paused, “But, don’t get too excited, most of the tests you will take will not be nearly as easy as this one.” he walked away, as if to prove a point; and wrote something on a piece of paper. I could see right through his drill Sergeant appearance, underneath all of that, there was something bigger going on, something that they wanted to hide from me so that I'd be oblivious during all their tests. So that I wouldn’t know the real purpose. After the officials recorded the rest of the results they made their way out the door and left me, left me in my own loneliness, my own depressing thoughts.
I sat in my concealment center, waiting for anyone or anything to come along and do something. When I saw the officials turn off the lights throughout the building, I realized that they were finished with me; for the day at least. I lied down on the hard white ground, and tried to go to sleep. As I was beginning to close my eyes I saw something in the corner of the room that still glinted in the sea of darkness. I looked closer, focusing my mind on that one spot, and then I realized that they were watching me with a camera. I didn’t even have privacy on my own time, they would forever be constantly watching.
I tried to ignore the fact of the camera, and started to close my eyes, desperately needing sleep. My mind started to slip away to my dreams; and then one familiar dream came into my mind, the dream that I am always unable to forget. This was the dream, a memory even that maybe started it all, maybe this is why I got into this mess in the first place. My mind went completely blank as my dream started, the dream that never ends.
I am running through the grass. There is a building crumbling behind me, it’s the smoke burning my nostrils. I look in front of me, there is a woman holding out her hand to me. She has broad shoulders, and looks about five foot six. Her dark brown hair waving in the wind as she desperately craves for my attention. Her eyes were a brownish color, and her skin looked like porcelain, so beautiful she barely even looked real. She grabbed my hand, and screamed into my ear, telling me mumbles that were so disoriented, I barely knew what she was saying.
The woman pulls me into a building; she looks at me dead in the eye and shows her face in more depth, confirming my thoughts about her beauty.
"I haven’t seen you in a long time.” she began, making me itch with curiosity.
I look at her curiously, trying to see if I know who she is; but nothing familiar about this woman comes into my mind. I stare at her dead in the eye and struggled in her hold on my wrist. I yanked my hand away from her warm grasp, and held it close to my chest, too scared to approach her. She comes closer to me, her eyes full of compassion, her arms out open wide. I back away from her, signaling for her to not come any closer, my hand trembling from fear I have yet to discover.
“Emma!” she screamed, as I walked farther away. “You don’t know what’s going on. There’s something they’re not telling you.” I walked a few feet closer to her so I could fully comprehend what she was saying, still taking care to be cautious.
“What?” I questioned, “What’s going on?" I said, pausing again, my voice barely staying smooth enough to understand. "What do they need me for? Why am I here? Why have they not killed me yet?"
The woman looks at me with eyes of compassion, “You will soon see in time. And then you will understand your purpose.”
The woman walked away, disappearing into the endless rubble. I chased after her, my feet felt like they were going to collapse at any minute. A piece of asphalt from the ceiling fell and darted towards my head. My hands above my head, taking unnecessary cover.
My eyes opened, my palms and face were lathered in sweat, my chest heaving up and down with every breath.I could feel energy scorching up inside of me, wanting answers. I’ve had the same dream once before, but I still do not get the answers that I so sought for. I tried my best to calm down and think about the questions at hand, searching my mind for answers that I will never know; trying to make peace with that. I tried to slip back asleep, but my body wouldn’t allow me to. All of my energy and focus is narrowed down on one thing and one thing only. What is really going on here?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey there! I came to help your story out of the Green Room. C: But I haven't read previous parts so please bare with me!
I think you have a pretty good start here. I definitely found I felt for your character. They were indeed going through hell, and I felt like you conveyed that pretty well. Especially when you'd say how the character felt- feelings always seem to be the things that make you connect with a character. They can go through something absolutely horrible but without us knowing what they're feeling, sometimes we just don't get as good of feeling for the character's.
(Also my apologies; I seem to be having trouble wording things well today, so I might ramble a lot)
I just wanted to mention that there's two sides to everyone: a dark side, and a light side. As much as you want your bad guys to be bad, you have to remember that they have a family at home that loves them. Try to think of why that family loves them. Think of why that "official" is doing what he's doing- does it pay well?- and if so what does he need the money for? Is it because he's a single dad and wants to put his daughter through university? Maybe he's doing it because he believes that the discoveries they make from experimenting on this person will lead to advances in medicine- and he's thinking about the greater good. Just think about it, because completely evil bad guys are seldom satisfying. I know that this is only one chapter so you very well could have some events planned where we see another side to these people, but just keep it in mind.
So I was going to comment on how I thought it was strange that the MC didn't just say how they survived the shooting- but that was before I knew the MC had some sort of special powers/abilities. So it makes sense why they'd be keeping quiet about it. And honestly it seems like this isn't the first time the MC has been tested on. They just don't have that innocence where you can't believe someone would do that to you; they seem used to it. Which is sad.
This was my first clue something fishy was up! I was going to be like "UM I'm pretty sure that wouldn't make your eyes glow!" but then it was apparent that it was because your character was absorbing it... not like how regular humans would.
You might want to read your work over a few times because I found you switched between tenses a few times. One minute you were telling us the story in past tense, the next it was present tense. Most of it is in past tense though, so I'm pretty sure that's what you were going for- present tense should be pretty easy to weed out. I've been having trouble with tenses lately, too! I don't know what it is.
Anyway, I think you do have a great start and I think your MC is definitely on their way to being empathised with very well! Keep it up!!! ^_^
-Socks
Thanks.
Hi Ashley123, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.


I think changed the tense, so I think it should be this .Story: I am really starting to enjoy this story. You are advancing the plot dramatically with each chapter and have question bubbling inside me that have to be answered. You have me hooked for sure. All I can really say about the plot of the story right now is that it's really looking great and that you had better answer all these tickling questions.
Characters: I have a feeling that in this chapter we met two other major characters; the leading soldier and that mysterious man they first talked to when they walked in. Anyway I'll most likely learn more about them later on, but now lets talk about the main character. I can really connect with Emma in this chapter. I can feel her fear and pain. I also like that you explain a lot of her thoughts and let the reader see her world through her eyes. I also liked that you expanded upon the dream. It was interesting and added a new layer to her situation. So far I think your characters are great. They feel realistic and their feelings feel genuine.
Description: Your description was also really good. You included it between Emma's thoughts and had bit of it all over the chapter in even sprinkles through out the chapter. I do think that you could possibly put a bit more description in, but that's just my opinion.
Grammar and Punctuation:
Instead of "could" I think you meant to say "good".
Overall this great chapter and I'll have a look at the others soon. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.