"Do you feel as good as you put on?"

Good Ma'am (Ma'am I'm guessing),

I disagree with those two. But that's just me I suppose. You're writing should be preserved in it's original state. You're the only one that can describe the feeling the way you feel it, eh? Even if it is familiar. How will we understand your mindset if you don't express a poem as yourself?

I'm glad you shared this with us. I can see it. All the guilt you feel. The honesty you want to display. I feel like I know you before I even met you. That's the best kind of writing you can do for anyone. If you wrote this for someone than it'd be a shame for them to never have seen this. Your charade is obviously not as healthy as you believe it is especially consider you keep hearing that question.

I love your format for this too, it's wonderful. Your punctuation creates a definite finality to what you're saying too. Did I already say I love how you set this up?

Ashlee wrote:I clear my face making it impassive of the pain and sadness I'm feeling
And smile
And laugh
And I put on a charade of being happy
So you
And everyone else
Doesn't have to worry
Which brings me back to the words I keep hearing,
"Do you feel as good as you put on?"

Can I just say this though. I hate this here. I see it too often. It's a horrible thing for people to wear that mask. You have to wonder how crazy people would feel without it though? It kind of makes me sad this leads to no alternative to this kind of existence, except marring yourself in the bathroom to feel better. Oddly though I did not feel sympathetic at all through the entire poem. I felt the weakness and the helplessness but I saw someone who in the end made the decision to be a different person, even if for that day. It's amazing what the mind can do, eh?

Thank you again for sharing, I've no idea if this is about you or not but regardless it is very personal. Perhaps you just made it up? Either way it's all very real. I appreciate you posting here and look foward to more of your work.

Hey there! I liked this. I can relate easily to this.
I agree with everything above. I don't have much more to say...

I sit back down on the bathroom floor
and cry
and think

I think it sounds better without the second and.

Then those 13 reasons come to mind
I want to
But I can't
I have to hold onto something

This is intriguing and confusing. What 13 reasons? You want what?

that's all I have to say. this has good potential. After a bit of reviewing it can be grater.
Keep writing!

I like this poem. It makes me feel very sad.

I just see a girl a girl

A girl who's eyes are vacant of everything but sadness

You can see it in her eyes that she's suffering

Did you mean to write "a girl" twice? The "who's" should be whose. I like the idea of the second two lines but I think they sound a bit awkward. May I suggest a way to revise it?

"A girl whose eyes are vacant
Except for the sadness
That betrays her feelings."

Actually, that doesn't sound very good. You can come up with something better than my suggestion that would be a bit more clearly written than your original line.

Then those 13 reasons come to mind

I want to

But I can't

What does this mean? I am intrigued.

But my plea reaches the ears of no one

I think this is awkwardly worded. What if you said something like "But my plea remains unanswered"?

but without you I wouldn't have gotten this far in life

I would be lost somewhere

Possibly even killed

To me, this sounds like you stuck a sentence of prose in the middle of your poem. I think it would be stronger if you expressed this idea in a more eloquent way.

I clear my face making it impassive of the pain and sadness I'm feeling

I though the length of this line was jarring. And it's probably just me, but I had to look up the meaning of "impassive." : )

Which brings me back to the words I keep hearing,

"Do you feel as good as you put on?"

Does she hear the words in her head? Or did someone really say that to her? Is it the "you" in the story that said it?

Sorry if this was harsh. I think it just has a few problems that could be easily fixed. In any case, this is very nicely expressed raw emotion. Provocative and depressing. Well done.
rachel