Hush little baby, don't you cry.
Mama's going to sing you, your own lullaby.
You were sent from heaven above,
And packaged with all God's love.
He wrapped you up with golden dreams,
And sent you down on angel's wings.
He kissed you on the forehead, as He whispered "goodbye"
And that is why you should never cry.
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hey.
Honestly, it was actually great.
The first line kind of reminded me of Eminem's Mockingbird xD goes like, "now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright"
Anyways, I liked it. It's short, but it's a lullaby after all. The rhyme scheme was good. I liked how you created a lullaby, which kids would love. If I think from a kiddo's point of view, I'd be like "wow, God sent me"
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xo
Thanks so much Reet for the great review! And you stayed blessed too!!!
Aw, this is really sweet. It's something I'd sing to my kid for sure.
There's not a lot I have to say here, mostly because it's so short and simple. Lullabies are generally short, and you follow that here, but you could expand it just a little bit more. And the thing is, people are still going to have bad days and feel like crying. So perhaps you could make it more along the lines of "you're going to have bad days, but you'll get through it and always remember God's love for you." You don't really have to, but it's an option.
The rhythm in this line seems slightly off to me. I think it just needs an extra syllable. Perhaps "all of God's love" would work?
You don't need a comma between "you" and "your." I'm pretty sure you did it so it wouldn't look weird having "you" and "your" right next to each other, but it throws off the flow of the poem. Also, why is "your own" italicized? Is there something significant that it's their own lullaby? If so, you might want to address that later in the poem.
Again, the comma throws off the flow of the poem, plus it's technically not grammatically correct.
Anyway, that's it. Good luck and keep writing!
Ooh, I love this version. May start singing it myself(to my siblings as I have NO kids). Only thing is any word referring to God, such as 'he' should be capitalized As God is a holy deity. Also I think 'heaven' gets capitalized too. I think any little kid would be soothed by this song, its very good. Perfect for naps or bedtime or perhaps thunderstorms too. I like the rhyming it's simple yet sweet. Favorite line, 'He wrapped you up with golden dreams' I really like that one. We need more dreams to come alive and bring out the child in us.
Thank you, and yes I will fix the capitalization immediately. I wrote this for my first child because I hated singing the traditional lullabies, that end with a baby falling (ouch) or a nonsensical string of meaningless lyrics. I now sing it to all my children and I am so glad you enjoyed it.
and again, thanks so much for the review.