z

Young Writers Society


12+

Lions Gate

by Ashitaka


Lions Gate. An isekai story. 

I want to unravell oddities. I walk through the Gate of Lions and i arrive to a strange and wondrous land. 

We belong to this Adventure. Mystery Girl, under your guidance i learn how to awake my power and how to use it. You teach me how to fight, how to wisely move. 

Mystery Girl smile to me. These weapons we’ll use: Sword, lance, shield, calibre and arrows. And the spellcasting too. We walk through these fields. While we’re entering the haunted, old castle we sense their angry, belligerent glares on us.

But we’re not afraid to! We’re coming through ancient ruins seeking for answers. 

Oh Great girl, you smile to me, you trust me. We have faith to each other. And we’ll make it to find the truth and Stay alive.  #isekai #fantasy #action #romance #sword and sorcery

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210 Reviews

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Reviews: 210

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Sat Mar 16, 2024 6:51 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

Thank you so much for sharing your writing, my friend :D My interpretation of this poem is that our main character walks though the Gate of Lions and discovers a wonderful and mysterious land!

She meets the Mystery Girl who teaches her how to use power, and also how to fight. How exciting is that! :D Our characters use some really cool weapons and spell casting too! Then they enter a haunted castle and can feel enemies glaring at them. This is scary now! It seems like they are searching for some very old ancient ruins.

I love the ending! They both have faith in each other and are not afraid :) Are you planning on writing part two to this story? I would love to hear what happens to our characters!

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

I love the idea of this story and I think you are doing an awesome job! Here are a couple recommendations that I have!

I would love to learn more about our characters! I want to know the name of the main character and who she is. I would love to know what Mystery Girl looks like too!

Another really small recommendation I have, is when you use a comma, add a space before the next word. Let me show you an example!

Sword,lance,shield,calibre and arrows


You could make that into something like this:

Sword, lance, shield, calibre and arrows.


Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

Mystery Girl seems so cool! I love how she smiles are out main character as she is training her. She seems really nice and caring! I also love how our characters are able to enter the haunted castle without being scared! They are so brave! I think your writing is really lovely and I hope you post part two soon, friend!

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Thanks for sharing this! Have a wonderful day!

Your friend,
-Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




Ashitaka says...


Hi,Good Day All The Day. My isekai story is one on progress, it's the Boy Meets The Mystery Girl. I'll work more on it, plus I'm considering to share ot on the japanese Shosetsuka No Naro. Thank you for the Great comment, with the Tips of Advice.

Cheers:)




Live your life how you want, but don't confuse drama with happiness.
— Ron, Parks & Rec