The story begins in the city of Galaxidi(Γαλαξειδι),near Delphi,in modern Greece:
A kind,positive and smart Greek young man,Zephyros Adamantiou,crosses a gate of sculpted lions,so he arrives to a parallel world. There he encounters a mysterious,strong and formidable girl,called "Elysia". Despite her first aloofness, and reluctance for any cooperation they team up to save her world,unravel what subtle things connect them. In fact Zephyros begins to suspect that "Elysia" has her ancestry in ancient Greece.
Lions Gate. An isekai story.
I'm seeking the answers, about the weird artifacts of our family.Why,how did they land to us?By whom were they made?...
Now,since the moment I walked through the Gate of Lions I arrived to a strange and wondrous land.Very soon ,due to a misuderstanding,I got into a peril.Suddenly someone saved me:The Mysterious Girl.I can tell she's a caring one.
Mystery girl ,what is happening? Who are you? Why are you wearing such a scary mask,hiding all of your face?However I keep coming to see you.
✨Mystery Girl,under your guidance I am learning how to awake my power and how to use it.You're teaching me how to fight,how to navigate wisely.It's so nice that the Mystery Girl smiled to me.
⚔️We’ll use weapons up against the evil regime.
Sword,lance,shield,calibre and arrows. And the spellcasting too.⚔️✨
We belong to each other, during this Adventure.
As we're walking through these fields,as we’re entering the haunted,old castle we're sensing their angry,belligerent glares on us.But we’re not afraid to!
We’re coming through ancient ruins seeking for answers.
Not all the creatures around are evil,there are benevolent as well :There are the elves,the demihumen and the lionmen too.The latter ones will gladly tell me what and how happened.
🎭✨Oh great girl,you revealed to me your pretty face,you smiled to me. You shared to me your story, because you have faith on me.And me to you 😄
We have faith to each other.And we’ll make it to find the truth and beat the evil forces.🎭✨
#isekai #fantasy #action #romance #sword and sorcery #Galaxidi Greece #Delphi
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
HELLO THERE! I stumbled upon this piece of work and decided to drop a review. This was posted quite some time ago, so I hope you don’t mind the late comment.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
I can tell that this is an adventure of some sort, crossing the Lions Gate into a mysterious realm where the protagonist teams up with a Mysterious Girl to fight some enemy! Some grammatical errors were immediately obvious to me, though, and the flow of the story was a bit off.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I understand that the plot is intented to be vague, as this is a short poem, but it’s kind of unclear who or what the two of them are fighting against. A “haunted, old castle” and “ancient ruins” are mentioned, but I’m not sure how exactly they fit into the story.
Hmm the “unravelling oddities” part is a bit strange, nowhere in the poem is it later addressed. You do mention “seeking for answers”, but the “mystery” aspect isn’t exactly elaborated on.
Small grammar correction: the I in “i arrive” should be capitalised.
The sudden shift to talking about an adventure is a bit jarring, and at this point it’s still unclear what they’re training for. Is it a mystery? Some evil dude trying to take over the world? The tenses are kind of weird, too. Are they currently training or the training is already over and the protagonist is thanking the Mystery Girl? “how to wisely move” sounds a bit odd. Perhaps “move wisely” would be better? They aren’t two phrases that normally go together, so maybe an explanation would help?
Grammar edits: “under your guidance I learn (will learn? am learning? learnt?) how to awaken my power” “you will teach/are teaching taught”
I don’t know how to describe it, but the flow seems a bit unnatural. Why is “Mystery Girl” bolded when in the previous stanza it wasn’t? I’m a bit confused to the intended purpose.
Grammar: “Mystery Girl smiles/smiled at me” “We’ll use these weapons:” “the haunted old, castle, we sense”
What are they not afraid to do? The abrupt change of location without any explanation is a bit confusing to me.
Grammar: “seeking answers”
“You smile at me”: It feels a bit weird that smiling is presented alongside trust, as smiling is more of a gesture than anything, while trust is an intangble action.
Grammar: “you smile at me” “And we’ll make it, to find the truth and stay alive”
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I like how you illustrated each scene: from arriving at the new world, to the girl teaching them how to fight and use their powers, to planning the charge against the haunted castle, to the protagonist’s thoughts on it all, how they’re not afraid and value their companion a lot.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Well that was certainly long. I apologise if this review feels a bit unbalanced and overly harsh. If you see this, don’t be disheartened as I think your work already has a good base, it just needs some adjustments to the flow and a bit more details to flesh out the plot. Keep writing and remember to go outside and take breaks if needed! Have a nice day/night/sunrise or sunset(???)!
P.S. I do hope the formatting works 🫠
Cheers,
Horizon, or
NoOneInParticular, Really
Hi,forgive my late reply.Fella i took to consideration your tips of advice.So I preceeded on editing the story. Kudos:)
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
Thank you so much for sharing your writing, my friend
She meets the Mystery Girl who teaches her how to use power, and also how to fight. How exciting is that!
I love the ending! They both have faith in each other and are not afraid
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
I love the idea of this story and I think you are doing an awesome job! Here are a couple recommendations that I have!
I would love to learn more about our characters! I want to know the name of the main character and who she is. I would love to know what Mystery Girl looks like too!
Another really small recommendation I have, is when you use a comma, add a space before the next word. Let me show you an example!
You could make that into something like this:
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
Mystery Girl seems so cool! I love how she smiles are out main character as she is training her. She seems really nice and caring! I also love how our characters are able to enter the haunted castle without being scared! They are so brave! I think your writing is really lovely and I hope you post part two soon, friend!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Thanks for sharing this! Have a wonderful day!
Your friend,
-Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Hi,Good Day All The Day. My isekai story is one on progress, it's the Boy Meets The Mystery Girl. I'll work more on it, plus I'm considering to share ot on the japanese Shosetsuka No Naro. Thank you for the Great comment, with the Tips of Advice.
Cheers:)