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Cassila (Chapter 2)

by AsherChesh


Chapter Two

Holding my blanket around my shoulders to keep warm, I walk across the wet leaves on the floor of the forest. My long, messy hair is draped in my face. Looking up at the starless night sky, the only light guiding my way is the glow of the moon.

Creating a path of my own, I venture farther away from the castle. At the age of seven, I’m old enough to explore on my own, or so I thaught. There seems to be more, frightening sounds when father or the knights aren’t around. Growls and howls of everything and anything hide within the trees. I can only imagine what kinds of creatures are out here. My steady walk turns to a shuffle. Looking all around to make sure nothing was following me I start to wonder if this was a good idea.

I just wanted to do something on my own, only to say that I can do it. I don’t need father here to protect me. I’m his daughter, the same as he. I can do it. I kept telling myself these things, but honestly, I don't know how well I’m able to fight for myself. Being so deep in thought, the next thing I hear is the snap of a twig. Stopped in my tracks I’m startled of course. Glancing around I have seemed to walk farther than what I intended. The castle or the surrounding villages are nowhere to be seen.There’s a light up ahead, hiding in between the trees, but not created by the moon nor a lamp. What is it?

Having a curious mind, there is no reason why I wouldn’t investigate? Walking closer it gets brighter, bigger. The feeling of warmth grows on my face like the light of a massive fireplace. Now running closer a smile crawls across my face. It’s a new rush I’ve never experienced. Once I find out I can tell father, and the other’s in the kingdom!

As soon as excitement filled my body, just ask quick it ended. A black shadow appeared in front of the light. Stopped frozen in fear. As the figure got closer he grew taller. Now showing Its piercing red eyes and sharp glistening white sharp smile. Moving faster now I start to stumble back, then turn to run.

Waking up in a heavy breath I sit up quickly and look around my room. My vision is foggy and I’m confused. Where am I? Getting out of the bed I run to the door. The guards notice my behavior and start to follow. Still in a haze I keep running. The bright light from before there, I run faster with curiosity.

“Cassila! Cassila!” I can hear the guards. Soon the only sound of footsteps is my own. Why did they stop? Are they that scared of something? Looking back , all I can see is terror on their faces. In shock myself, I can't understand why.

The light! I can feel it’s warmth just like earlier. Before I know it, I was falling. The sky, I’ve never seen so bright. I close my eyes, the beauty was sore. When I open them again I notice shards of glass are falling with me. They’re so shiny and glisten with an array of colors.

“Cassila!” Gazing my focus back to the sky I see men, the guards from before. What’s happening to them? After blinking a few times I finally realize. Ash! Their skin flakes as soon as they stand in the broken window.

I wake up to she sound of open doors. “Is she alright?” The sound of my father’s soft words fill my head. When I open my eyes, he is kneeling at my bedside. I try to sit up, but he lightly presses his hand on my shoulder. “Rest my dear. You gave me quite a scare.” After a kiss to my forehead he tries to leave but my voice stops him, forcing him to turn around.

“Why wasn’t there ash?”

Coming back to my side he answers.”What do you mean?”

“Before I reached the ground, there should have been ash flickering in the air. Like the guards.” I lift up my arms and turn them over a few times. “All I have are cuts from the glass, but no burns.”

He gives me a comforting smile, along with, the same tone of words. “There is nothing to fret my child. You have until the age of ten before any harm can be done. Although, I wouldn’t test it, some children grow faster than others. I don’t want to lose you.”

With that he kisses my forehead and leaves the room.


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Mon May 30, 2016 1:28 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey, there! I must say that I am intrigued by your use of imagery and language. It really added such a beautiful element of imagination and other-worldliness to it!

Here are some nit-picky things I noticed while reading:

"Holding my blanket around my shoulders to keep warm, I walk across the wet leaves on the floor of the forest. My long, messy hair is draped in my face. Looking up at the starless night sky, the only light guiding my way is the glow of the moon" GORGEOUS lines here! But can you maybe make the sentence about the long hair a little less jarring? Maybe combine it with the next?

"thaught" should be "thought."

"Being so deep in thought, the next thing I hear is the snap of a twig." This line should start a new paragraph.

"Stopped in my tracks I’m startled of course." This sentence reads a little awkwardly, can it be rephrased to make it seem easier?

Overall, I am really in love with this work. You do a fantastic job writing descriptions and giving the reader enough to actually visualize this world. The writing is a little awkward at times because of sentence structure and grammar, but the story is amazing and surreal and your writing technique is definitely headed in the right direction.

Happy writing!

Toboldlygo :)




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Sun May 29, 2016 10:55 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello and happy review day! :D

This was a very intriguing chapter. Unfortunately I haven't had the chance to read the previous chapter so I don't have very much context or anything. However, I was quite intrigued throughout all of this.

I thought it was really interesting that you chose to do first person present tense. I thought you executed that really well and it created a lot of intensity and suspense throughout the chapter. You kept me on the edge of my seat because I wasn't sure what was going to happen next and where this was going. The MC being so young added to that as well.

There were some typos throughout but I'm not going to point them all out to you because I'm sure you can find them. One way to catch typos is to change the document you're working from to a different type size and or font than what you wrote in. The page will look different and things will lay different which can help you pick up typos when you read it through.

I can't say I'm 100% sure what happened and what was real and what wasn't real and I'm not sure if that was your intention or not :P All of those instances of her waking up and then something else happening confused me a bit (that's where the not sure if it's real or not comes in). I really liked that each time she woke up the events before she woke up again were shorter. It kept the pace super fast.

I thought the ending was super intriguing as well with her dad comforting her - I'm wondering if he knew what happened to his daughter or if he knows what's going on inside her head. His last line about not being hurt until she's ten but not testing it" gives me the chills! I don't quite know what he's referencing to (obviously I'm missing a lot of context right now having now read the first chapter) but I'm so intrigued!

I hope you continue writing this! It's a very interesting and well-executed story! Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :D




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Sun May 29, 2016 9:50 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Overall, quite an interesting piece. Your prose is very nice.

Creating a path of my own, I venture farther away from the castle. At the age of seven, I’m old enough to explore on my own, or so I thaught. There seems to be more, frightening sounds when father or the knights aren’t around. Growls and howls of everything and anything hide within the trees. I can only imagine what kinds of creatures are out here. My steady walk turns to a shuffle. Looking all around to make sure nothing was following me I start to wonder if this was a good idea.
"Thaught" should be "thought." I think that this paragraph nicely sets up the setting. I have to say that I love your writing style here. :)

I just wanted to do something on my own, only to say that I can do it. I don’t need father here to protect me. I’m his daughter, the same as he. I can do it. I kept telling myself these things, but honestly, I don't know how well I’m able to fight for myself.
Typically, you should vary your sentence beginnings, but I think it works here.

Having a curious mind, there is no reason why I wouldn’t investigate? Walking closer it gets brighter, bigger. The feeling of warmth grows on my face like the light of a massive fireplace. Now running closer a smile crawls across my face. It’s a new rush I’ve never experienced. Once I find out I can tell father, and the other’s in the kingdom!
"Other's" should be "others." The wording in this paragraph seems a bit awkward and almost fake. Try to make it sound more natural.

Waking up in a heavy breath I sit up quickly and look around my room. My vision is foggy and I’m confused. Where am I? Getting out of the bed I run to the door. The guards notice my behavior and start to follow. Still in a haze I keep running. The bright light from before there, I run faster with curiosity.
While this still seems awkward, it works with her foggy state of mind.

The overall plot of the chapter is a bit confusing. Is it real life? Or is it fantasy? I hope these will be answered in chapters to come. Keep writing!




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Thu Apr 07, 2016 2:59 am
AsherChesh says...






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Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:14 pm
AsherChesh says...







What's the point of being a grown-up if you can't be a bit childish sometimes?
— 4th Doctor