Young Writers Society

I have to say that you got me. It was truly masterful how you threw the audience off with the head of lettuce. Using it to distract from the anticipation of finding out why there is a head in the fridge, only for the reader to find out at the very end that there is indeed a human head in the fridge. Quite well done, much like a magician that uses distraction to reveal the grand finale.

My only issue is that I was a little confused about starting off the story by telling that there was a head in the fridge just out of no where. I understand that the character is looking into the fridge as he is flashing back to everything he did that morning and it is important so that it continues the theme throughout the story. It just seems like it's coming out of no where and out of place.

It is a great story and I look forward to anything you write in the future.

Happy Writing!

I don't care what you tell me, I shall now call this man Moriarty. Or Carl the Llama.

Also, I came in expecting a BBC Sherlock reference, but I did get something much better.

I personally love characters who act normal in their madness, mainly because it's so much fun to watch. And this was certainly no exception. The monotonous prose almost enhances the lunacy of the situation, and when we find out that the head in the fridge was only a head of cabbage you could practically hear the audience heaving a sigh of relief. Then, BAM! 37 times in the chest. Roast duck satay. Roll credits, give this man all the awards.

Oh, what? A critique? Um, okay. Yeah, back to that.

While most of this was the strange flooded consciousness of a disturbed gentleman telling his life and murders with an impactfully bored tone, I did feel that in the beginning we could use more timing. You just sort of come out with 'hey, there's a head in the fridge, huh'. And that may be the point of it, but have the man walk around a bit, think about what happened last night. Let the audience settle in, and then punch them in the face.

Of course, that's just my opinion. This is good enough as it is. Great work.

Hey Untitled, I'm Caterpickle! This was really great, I loved how it started out as a guy's normal morning, just bring up the head at the end of paragraphs. At first I kind of thought it would be like one of those double stories Where one is told normally,Mobutu with little bits of the other one at the end of each paragraph until the reader knows what happened in each, or they tie into each other or something. I'm sort of glad that you decided to delve into the head portion more, but I guess both stories kind of tied in, just not at the end.

Well, I have to say, you had my brain going back and forth to whether this guy is a muderer or not. When you were just starting to mention the head, I could only think of that lovely picture mailynire was kind enough to post for us. But when you started talking about salad, I thought that it was just a little play-on-words kind of story, where you really meant a head of lettuce the whole time. When you said there was a head of lettuce in the fridge, I thought that my speculations were confirmed. But then there was more to the story.

I have to say, Pete being stabbed in the chest 37 took my by surprise. You just jumped into it head first (see what I did there?), like "oh yeah, I killed that guy viciously last night haha memories". Like, what? Definitely insane. Certifiably, white-padded-walls, dirty-straight-jacket insane. I love the ending because it left me hanging, not in the way like, what happens next, but in the way like I don't know what just happened, where did the head of lettuce go, and the hungover college student, and Pete?! The "?!" symbolizes perfectly what I was feeling after finishing your medical recor—short story, sorry.

Anyway, I loved it, and don't have a negative word to say about the matter. Keep cranking these out, and send them my way!
~Caterpickle

Hello AsYetUntitled,

I must say this is a rather morbid yet funny story and I find it very enjoyable. I applause to your creativity because you were able to write a story that takes it's reader by a very good surprise and at the same time make him think 'Wow, I never thought possible to have lettuce and murder include in the same line of thought'. And the fact that after the head is revealed you actually go back to the crime theme, as we were first made to believe, with his dead roomate shows how well you deal with words because the story is indeed about murder, just not what we thought.

Congratulations on your work and hope to see more from you!

I see you've been here for a while and I do think you enjoy being here!

First off, the title was interesting. Like, dead interesting! Head in the fridge idea, totally mental! It made me think of something like this,



:3

Anyway, apparently, I have a review for you. I like the flowing of your story and the way you have created suspense every time by asking about the head in the fridge. Sometimes, you've created confusion that if there's any head at all. And, important to say- after reading the short description of your story which says, Most of us have a head in the fridge I was looking to read something everyone-can-relate sort of story but, I don't think I can relate much to this. (Probably you have got a meaning hidden in your story that I couldn't find!) So, the story you've got here is pretty scary! First of all my head was blank! But, then, I was little surprised with the idea of head of lettuce! And, was relieved! XD But, then again, an unexpected change of the story and O_O
(that's how I was left looking!)
I think I enjoyed your story and currently other than that, I don't have anything to say or any suggestions or something. So, I'm little sorry for that. Therefore, I'd like to say, you've developed a weird character who I found was going through some disturbing mental condition. And, it's quite an enjoyable experience reading it. Thank you.

~Nire

Dear AsYetUntitled,
This is a very interesting and funny idea, and quite enjoyable. However, there are A LOT of mistakes here as well. First off, don't bring up the phrase "there is a head in my fridge" until the very last paragraphs of the story. It completely ruins the effect of the head being a cabbage. This whole story would probably be a lot better if you reordered everything. I would begin with the narrator standing in front of the fridge, thinking that the world has done nothing for that day to prepare him (I assume it is a him) for the sight that he sees, a head in his fridge. Then, fade into a flash back on everything that happened, from the moment he woke up to when he opened the fridge. After, continue on with him closing the door, only to see his friend is dead. I really like how he brushes off the fact that he killed his friend. It gives the story another element of ridiculousness that is ever so funny. Other than the way you structured the plot, everything seems to make sense. Keep writing and Happt Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it).