Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
The day was darker on the snowy planet, Obsnence. This was of no surprise to the people of Argon for this day was when the moon orbiting the planet eclipsed the sun, just as it did every year. The inhabitants of this city were inside their log homes, for Kato, the careless gatekeeper of the city walls, will sometimes fall asleep at his post and let in creatures such as wolves, who, on this planet, hunt at night.
Okay we have an interesting vibe here to start things off on. It seems to be an odd mix of the old sci fi sort of article esque opening mixing in an surprisingly seamless manner with a somewhat more fairytale esque vibe and I am liking this general vibe here. Its kicking things off on a pretty intriguing note too with those hints being tossed about there, so well, let's see where this is headed.
Inside the quiet city walls, a different hunter of the night lurked through the many ice covered streets and forgotten alleys of the city, being careful not to be stepping in front of the windows of the buildings that surround him. The man is 6 feet tall and wears a darkly colored cape that he carefully wrapped around his body. He also wears knee-high boots and a black scarf with many tears in it that covers all of his face except for his nose and eyes for he needs those senses open for the task he was going to pull off.
He walked into yet another alley but instead of continuing on, he stopped and observed the brick walls of the building to his right. He reached into his pocket and brought out a thin, coiled up, piece of wire. He said to the wire,
Well it seems we have clearly run across the actual most dangerous hunter there. There's certainly no doubt about that. I love the instant tension that creates here and we depart from that slightly more whimsical sort of vibe into suddenly something a lot more sinister sounding and well it is doing quite a good job of getting the readers intrigued here.
"Listen to the job I have for you and listen well, the next place I write on brick, you will bring me to through heaven or hell." And with that the wire slowly uncurled itself in his hand as he approached the brick wall. Using the wire as a writing utensil, he scratched the words, 'The Twelfth Palace' on the Brick.
After he wrote those words the wire seemed to enlarge into something that resembled a man sized, black, snake. The snake wrapped up around the Dark Magician until he was not seen. The snake uncoiled itself from the man to reveal the man was not there anymore.
Oooooh well it seems this place also has some pretty solid magic going for it. Wow, there does appear to be quite a bit of worldbuilding behind this one, and some pretty solid worldbuilding at that judging from what we see here. I think you've done a really good job of building up this little situation here and it is certainly quite effective at catching your attention and making you curious to know more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
Donate