ash

Spoiler! :
Written during the harrowing state-wide power outage that has plagued Connecticut for the past 9 days. I'm still enjoying my amateurism, but, you know. I liked writing this one.

Enjoy. ^_^


ash floats down and curls around
the pencil-sketch silhouettes
of New England trees.
it fills worn ruts in roads
and piles upon the asphalt plains
of suburbia, where above each neighborhood
clouds loom dark and tall
like sick tenements.

there is glass pressed against my face
and the faces of my neighbors,
who stand huddled in their homes
staring through windows towards the sallow air
where a few last hints of warmth
disappear behind dense black flakes
of human transgression.

the sky flutters gray to the ground,
and drags down with it
a chorus of eyes.

my brother gazes beside me;
does radiation smell? he asks,
cutting through the ambient drone
of our neighborhood’s harmonizing generators.
I don’t know, I say.

daddy, dad---
dad, does radiation smell?

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
amygabb
Review
amygabb wrote a review · Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:47 am

Love this! A couple of my favorite parts are:

there is glass pressed against my face
I liked that you didn't just say, I have my face pressed against the window. I did a mental double-take. Really good.

where a few last hints of warmth
disappear behind dense black flakes
of human transgression.
Loved the meaning of this line. It shows the point of view of the author and gives the perfect feeling of the season and time of day.


I had no problem with the lack of capitals or punctuation. Anyway, I loved it! *clicks like button*

User avatar
dragonlover92
Review

This was amazing! It had so much feeling and I loved the vocabulary you used! I really liked the part
"the sky flutters gray to the ground,
and drags down with it
a chorus of eyes."
It gives great imagery! In fact, the hole poem gives amazing imagery! All in all this was great and i read it twice!



Yewis superiority!
— Several authors from the auspicious site.