As I walked past that old street,
The lonely street welcomed me
Wholeheartedly, just as last time,
Somewhat five years ago.
I still remember the park, the calm breeze.
For real, a palace for me.
Was my grandparent's home,
Our family's home, somewhat twelve years ago.
And I see my palace still living,
Just to see it's death, approaching,
As there it stands alone amongst the ruins,
Of all it's neighboring friends.
The shower of memories became heavier
With each step I took towards him.
Every moment, like a film in black and white,
Played, with an emotional orchestral theme.
And now i stood before that glorious gate,
The glory is now covered by trees.
Beyond the gate, nothing to see.
Nothing to hear, except the silence's screams.
Just one step beyond the gate
Stood the palace, now in it's eldest age.
The only one left of all its neighboring friends,
Just to see it's era finally come to an end.
The wall covered with dust and deep cracks,
The windows with shattered panes.
He looked like an old man with nothing but a wrinkled face,
And with a story that ends in pain.
The pictures now flashed before my eyes,
The pictures of my past,
Our family's past and this home.
That never ending beautiful past.
I see us flying kites on roof,
A roof that will no longer exist.
I see us eat the Christmas feast together,
In the room which will no longer exist.
I see us playing on the swings and slides
In the park in front of the home.
I see us living together,
Now everything has fallen, like our home.
For the relationships are now broken
Just as the walls made of bricks.
So things have do changed a lot,
Everything is now lost.
Finally, i bid my farewell to the palace of ours
The very last goodbye.
The place lives for eternity
In our memories, and too, it's glory.
And as I left the place,
The palace was once again lonely
Waiting for it's Time to come.
Waiting for it's end to come.
My eyes numb as the tears fell slowly,
As only memories will remain.....
The streets were once again lonely.
With silence as the only companion,
As rest all are only ruins and it's remains........
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi there @Arpanekka I am here to do a review first things first.
What I like
And I see my palace still living, I like this for it proofs that is must have been a very strong house a lot of houses seem to fall a port really quickly.
What needs work
As I walked past that old street, how why is it old have you not been there for a really long time our is it just a really old rode.
The lonely street welcomed me, docent eney body drive on the street at all our at least walk.
Wholeheartedly, just as last time, this needs a bit more to it I think.
Somewhat five years ago. is this how long it has been sins the person came to this place.
Was my grandparent's home, this just needs one more word to it.
With each step I took towards him. okay ho is him I do not get this bit at all.
The glory is now covered by trees. needs some more prescription
Stood the palace, now in it's eldest age. why don't people live in the palace eney more.
The windows with shattered panes. needs more words.
So things have do changed a lot, a bit more work to it.
suggestions
1 for:Wholeheartedly, just as last time, Wholeheartedly, just as last time I went into this place,
2 for: Was my grandparent's home, it was my grandparent's old home,
3 for: The glory is now covered by trees. The glory is now covered by trees and with sticks and leafs.
4 for: The windows with shattered panes. The windows are shattered with craked window panes.
5 for: So things have do changed a lot, So things have changed a lot over the years, so that is all that I can say, so keep up the good work, HAPPY REVIEW DAY.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thanks for the review. Learnt a lot
Hi, I'm a big fan of poetry and a poetic style in most writing so I like reading this kind of thing. I also love descriptions with words that really create a picture so I loved the use of 'Palace' in this poem and descriptions such as 'a film in black and white' or 'I see us flying kites on the roof' really puts the reader in a context, which helps to form one's understanding.
You might want to look a little closer on the difference between its and it's, since that can become confusing if you use one but mean the other. The other thing is that you could consider making a bit more space between each "verse", to create a better flow when reading it. Another little thing is to read through it yourself and check if some adjectives or words or descriptions might sound a little melodramatic or cliché in certain contexts. These are just small things and otherwise, I really liked it! Keep up the good work!
- Jamalka Diorovna
Thank you%uD83D%uDE07%uD83D%uDE07