Smile

This poem was absolutely amazing in my opinion. Really I think it's the best poem I've read in a while.
Some parts I liked:

Your pacing was wonderful! I love how it starts out with a shorter line, followed by 10 longer more detailed lines, ending with 4 short simple lines in the end. The way you pace it, your poem is just like how you describe the smile. How it "comes alive" then "fades away".

My favorite line was "His smile is more than just the stretching of his lips"... this line is perfect, it makes me imagine watching a friend smile and how when it's a genuine smile it's so much more than just a face moving muscles it truly lightens the face and is a real window to the soul.

Your word choice was also beautiful to read. I like the two contrasting lines with the opposites "punish or bless" and also "pours heavily" vs "drizzles softly".

Some suggestions:

I think in a couple places where you end in a period it might make more sense to have a comma or no punctuation like in lines 3, 4, and 10. I'm not really sure about this but I think lines 3 and 4 should have the same ending punctuation as 5 & 6 because these two lines echo 3 & 4 and should probably follow the pattern to be consistent.

Also the only part that read a little awkward/wordy to me were lines 3 & 4, I think it sounds a bit weird to use the phrase "ever so..." It's just not used very often and seemed a little bit out of place to me. But that's just opinion and can completely understand why you'd want to keep it (to keep the other lines the same length and such).

Lastly, I wish that it was a little more clear how the weather/sky related to this smiling male. They're both hard to understand the beauty of, but is there any other symbolism or connection? If there is, it seems a little vague to me, and if there isn't it may be something you want to think about in future writing.. to add that extra meaning to your poem, the way the entire poem links back together and has greater significance.

To conclude:
This was an amazing poem that you should be very proud of. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to reading more of your work!

~alliyah

It's a really great poem,but are you referring to love or the innocence of childhood? It still makes sense if it's referring to love. However I see childhood innocence more here. Untainted innocence bringing light to the world. Or maybe you're referring to both. The object of your affections bringing untainted light into your world with their smile.

Hello! This is Perfectionwriter for your review!
Beautiful poem, dear! I loved it very much. It had the perfect words and perfect sound to it. I kinda read it over because of it's feel. It gave a good "In love" message which i really like. The only thing is, i think it would be easier for the reader if it were in stanza's. That's only my opinion though. You can write your poems however you please. It's your imagination! keep writing and have a lovely day

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!

Okay, so this was good! I like the usage of periods at the end of the sentences; they gave a feeling of finality to the words you used.
I love the imagery, the way you compared his face to the sun and the moon and the stars. I mean, it was just beautiful and it wasn't far-fetched at all, like I could totally see how his smile is "more than just the stretching of his lips."
Your diction is so elegant and lovely; I always have a hard time making words sound pretty, but you've done it here!
I really have no criticisms for this, to be honest. You've written a darn good poem that was beautiful, graceful, striking and lovely. And you should be proud!
I give your poem eight stars out of ten! Great job!

Just so amazing...
I can really relate to this!

Hello there! Perfectionwriter here for your review. I would just like to start off by saying this was a lovely poem. I enjoyed reading it. However, I do have a few nitpicks. I believe that poetry should have stanza's. That's what i believe. You don't have to change it. But, it's easier for some people to have stanza's in their poems. It makes it clean. That's pretty much all the advice i could give you. The rhythm was beautiful, and so were the words. Please do keep writing. You have talent. Hey, maybe someday i'll see you in Barnes&nobles at a book signing. Have a great day, and i hope this helped.

HI! This is the first review I've done in a looong time so bear with me!

I like your poem, I think it's quite cute and I understand, I believe, what you're going for here.

: ) So, if there's one thing I love doing while reviewing, it's trying to help re-order or add words in order to enhance a piece of prose. I especially like reviewing poetry for this reason. And also because I absolutely love poetry in all it's forms.

I must say, the first thing that I noticed about the poem was how I felt "To understand his smile" didn't go with "Is like..." I think it could, but I feel like it's missing a smooth transition.

I felt something like "Understanding his smile... Is like..." would have been better. Or "To understand his smile," "You have to..."

Do you know what I mean? There has to be a certain transition that I feel is missing there.

And the second thing that I found a little off-putting was the way the poem was spaced. I know everyone has their own styles of poetry and whatnot, and I'm not saying you should change your style or anything, but I do feel as if it seems a little off the way that it's spaced, and how every like is capitalized. I think that it takes away from the beauty of the sentence, when you put focus on the letters. Also, I felt it was chopped up a little strangely, some lines could have gone on longer, while others could have been brought down.

That's your "first stanza" I'll say.

To understand his smile,

Is like trying to understand the beauty of the stars.

The reason the sun shines ever so brightly.

Why it runs it’s daily course ever so diligently.

Understanding his smile,
is like trying to understand,
the beauty of the stars.

The reason the sun shines,
so brightly.
Why it runs it's daily course,
ever so diligently.

ever so

The reason the sun shines so brightly.

I LOVE THIS!

It is so descriptive and interesting... And it is so captive! When I was looking at the title I was like, I am not going to like this because I thought it was going to be sad. But then I read the first two lines, and I couldn't stop reading! Ugh, it is graceful (if you can use that word to describe a poem...). Thanks for writing this, so that my ears can hear heaven!!!

~Uni

Really enjoyed this! There is a lot of passion and emotion poured into this and I can feel it with every word. Which, the word choice was done very well and it flows beautifully. Makes me want to see first hand about this smile, but I have a feeling that the smile would not be the same for me as it for the one he is smiling for.

First off, I have to say that I love this poem in its entirety. The way you've captured the feeling of taking in this smile, the way it's so captivating that the world disappears...is wonderful. I feel like I'm seeing this smile, like I'm feeling how the voice felt.

Also, the way that you used repetition to convey this image was masterfully done.

My only qualm with it would be in the final three lines. It feels like the set up needs to be shifted a bit, in my humble opinion. "The way he comes alive, the way I come alive" feels as though they need to be two separate lines. With "and the way the rest of the world", I feel as though the "and" isn't needed at all, that it could be taken out and no meaning would be lost.

All in all, this poem is beautifully written, and a piece I'd read multiple times over, discovering something new each time. A piece I'd happily come back to.