They are strangers first.
Then they get to know each other.
Then they want to know each other.
They fall for each other.
They are lovers now!
Then they get to care for each other.
They quarrel for each other.
Then happens a misunderstanding.
Then they quarrel each other.
They are again strangers in the end.
They want to care for each other.
They want to erase the misconception.
They want to be one again.
But.
They are strangers now!
They think time is not the same.
They don't want time to be the same.
Everything again is back in place.
But.
Tears replacing smile.
Pain replacing pleasure!
Each counterpart left
annihilated,
devastated,
desolated
in life!
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138,469 Literary Works • 672,133 Reviews
I liked your poem! To me, the repetition of “they”, “then” and “but” brings a certain flow to it. You listed out the stages of a relationship and, thus, it’s relatable. I loved the structure. In the beginning, you have proper lines and gradually they transform into a word. This might represent that they held onto their relationship and give it their best shot; however, slowly, they let go and it breaks to the point it ends. Not sure if that’s what you intended, but it’s very creative.
Well done, and keep writing!
Hi Armen! Welcome to YWS! I'm GeeLyria and I will be reviewing for you today.
Overall, this is a good piece and you're on your way to becoming a great poet, but do not allow your own words to overshadow all the potential in your piece and yourself! That's all I have to say ^^ Keep writing!
I like the topic you're sharing with us. Mostly because most people can either relate to it, or associate it with someone they know who have gone through the situation. What can we say? Love happens to everyone and it unhappens to everyone too, once or twice. I like your perspective on it. However, I think that poetically speaking, it could be improved.
One thing that really didn't convince me about this poem was how repetitive it was; all the they's and then's make it sound monotonous and that can bore and distract the reader. One could easily finish reading it without paying attention to the actual message. So my suggestion would be for you to find a way to get your message across without repeating the same words over and over.
Another thing I would tell you is for you to make stanzas. Not only because it would look aesthetically better, but because it allows your readers to stop and think about the message you're sharing.
-GeeLyria
Thank you!
HEY
I really like this piece of work. I really encourage you for an evocative writing. I love to read and write about romance. I believe that everyone goes through these things many times in their lives, but at the end true lovers never want to get apart. I think that you have suffered it deeply because I have suffered this too. I love those work with which I can correlate myself. I felt happy to read it, keep going and writing amazing things like this.
Thank you!
Thank you!
This was a little, interesting piece that I was surprised to find here. I really liked the formatting used for this poem, and the placement of different punctuations was great... especially here:
My only complaint is here:
The word "misconception" interrupted the flow of the previous lines. Such simplistic language was used prior, and I disagreed with the interruption. However, this uses of "annihilated, devastated, desolated" towards the end of the poem were used effectively. I think it extenuated what happens after two people fall out of love.
I could definitely relate, and I am eager to read more of your work!
Thank you!