I'd critique this, but everyone else has already made their points and I agree completely (particularly when it comes to names...)
That being said, I have one thing to say that no one seems to have touched on yet:
This is not a prologue. It is a synopsis.
Now, you can do one of two things. You can ay) lengthen this, fill it out, add detail, start showing instead of telling. This is, I assume, what everyone else has been suggesting. Don't just talk about "this happened then this and that"--describe what's happening as it happens. What are your main characters' thoughts and feelings as this is going on? Does he hate the Wolfan for killing his father? Etc. et al. Currently, he doesn't have anything in the way of personality at all. He's just a "great warrior"...so? Why not show he's a "great warrior"? Show him training, show him fighting, etc. Currently this story is nothing but a massive info dump. It hasn't got anything in it to engage the reader.
But the thing I would do is option bee) and that is scrap it entirely. Not only would this make a much better blurb than prologue (though it needs substantial proofreading), I've always disliked prologues that were just first chapters called "prologues". If you want a prologue at all, make it more vague and mysterious or have it not really pertain to the main story--have it surround other characters. Maybe set it two years previously when the main characters' father gets killed, or set it in a different part of the country. Turn what happens here into the first chapter, because as it is it is pretty much first chapter material. The first chapter's when the story truly starts; don't start your story in the prologue.
EDIT: Damn it, I feel like an idiot...how come I didn't notice how old this is? O_o I'm horrible at paying attention...>_> Then again, who resurrected this in the first place...?
Points: 4198
Reviews: 157
Donate