Published July 8, 2010
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,703 Reviews
gr8 organization and wonderful choice of words....but there is a little thing that i have to say!!!The story you're telling isn't appealing that much,,,and also the song tittle ain't that....just those things r making all your hard work gone!TRY A LITTLE HARDER!
I really like this...it is the usual poppy-doppy love bubble song the one were the singer is crying and singing about how her boyfriend is leaving her, but it's cute and very mature...I would say heartfelt as well...
I would surely listen to it if it happened to be on a radio...
I like how it flows...oh and I like the chorus....A really good song, it does need some working on but not so much...
Hmm... Good idea...
This is meh. It's typical tween doomed love babble. Spice it up and make it less of a platitude
This is also a platitude. Make it less like every single teenage love song evar.
I really like that. It borders on typical love song drivel, but I do like it.
This is also meh (yes, I've officially made "meh" an adjective). It seems like a pale imitation of the chorus and contributes nothing.
The issue you have here is that it's very, very cliched. It's a typical love song about someone leaving the person who is singing. I would try to make this different from all of that, somehow, whether it be that the singer left and it wondering why they did, or whatever.
Good luck.
That is really mature for a twelve year old, I must say. Very good. I like it a lot! Although maybe it might need a little punctuation in some places, but that might not matter in lyrics.
Sassykat