Published April 15, 2010
What I Hear
Every single voice
Is drowned out by one
Every time she speaks
Nothing else is heard
Not a single voice
Not a single word
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,695 Literary Works • 673,631 Reviews
This is really cool, but short, so im going to push to reach 250 characters. I dont like the fact you started off rhyming and then started at the end. If there were more parts to back the style up, then that's be okay, but on its own, it just seems a bit awkward.
Good job
Biffle
I love the theme of this poem! I can really connect with it, and it's so simple and beautiful!
don't rhyme like the rest of the poem, and aren't really necessary. I suggest changing it so that it rhymes, or leaving it out entirely. However, that's just a suggestion, and you don't have to listen to me if ou don't want toJust one issue.. the lines
Hi Ari!
So, It's good to see you posting poetry again! I always thought that you had fair talent. When you first joined, you had amazing poetry that gave off the cycles of the day. After reading that, this is somewhat of a disappointment.
First off, you need punctuation in poetry. Right now the only thing that is separating this from being a jumbled mess of words is the stanzas. Poetry should be structured grammatically just like prose, so keep that in mind when you revise.
Also, I thought this was a little vague, like it needs to be longer. Who is this woman, and why is she so special? Is she a goddess? What? It's one thing to leave us hanging, but another to not answer vital questions.
Well, good luck, and PM me if you have any questions!
-Elinor xo